to be really really REALLY f@&%ng pissed off!!

[lilysmummy2007]

Today is DHs brothers birthday, and hes having a party at a pub. He called and invited us to come, but it was such short notice we decided to stay in as we didnt have a sitter. DH told me that its more a lads night so he might just go for an hour or 2. I said fine.
After grooming himself for hours, even getting a hair cut, after Ive been begging him to get one for months, and I mean months, he was looking like a flipping mushroom!
His brother mentioned DHs ex girlfriend is going to be there as she is his brothers step sister, she didnt get the lads night memo apparently! So I decided I do want to go, I havent been out since I got back from an extended trip last november and wouldnt mind going for a few drinks and a laugh and also to spy as she has been very touchy feely with him even in my presence, and obviously still has feelings for him. He was visibly upset that I decided to go and called his mum in a huff to look after lily, making excuses and saying she already has his niece looking after. Its 12 pm, Lily would just be asleep!!!
After screwing his face up while I got dressed , him zipping a piece of my flesh into my dress zipper, thats right, my underarm is bleeding at this point, I quietly already decided not to go. I was just waiting to see how far he would go to put me off. He then announced its to late and we best stay home. So I undressed and he took his coat and shoes off. He then started gabbing about hes not really a party person anymore, and he would much prefer stay home with DD and I.
2 mins later his phone rings, his sister who apparently didnt get the lads night memo either, calling to say everyone {who is everyone? its only supposed to be a few friends and family that we see on a regular basis} is asking for him and if he was still coming. He was re dressed in 1 min and out the door without even asking if I wanted to go, now im just sat here fuming about why he didnt want me to go. Am I just being paranoid? really want to punch his lights out right now!

Why the bollocking?
OP I'm glad you said you won't stand for it. How dare he act like he doesn't want you to go? That's so disrespectful. And a bit suss.

Oh don't get me started on Sue- But I have better things to waste my time on- cleaning the dog crap out the garden for example.

What is going on now? Has he apologized at least. For the love of GOD don't answer now as you should be sleeping like a good mammy. FFS these haters have really annoyed me. So full of righteousness that they are holier then thou. GRRRRR

He wanted to go out without you.

I can't see what is wrong with that. Why did you feel the need to tag along where you were not really wanted?You don't have to do everything together just because you are married/partnered.

PS I have no issues

I think his behaviour is appalling. I would have been pissed off, too. Ignore people who are mean.

hmm, is it safe to come back, was getting such a battering i couldnt take it any more.

So what happened was DH woke up almost 6pm, we did have plans for the day which were ignored from him being passed out. When he woke up, i tried to talk to him, nice and calmly, even thought i wanted to smack his face off! I told him I would like to know why he was so adamant that i stay home and then ran off without saying anything, to which he promptly answered ' why dont you shut your fuckin ass' and then he started gabbing on about somthing else, i wasnt paying attentionas DD was right there and that was the end of the conversation.
I went to my room and started tidying up and packing a small bag with a few bits as I called my cousin and told her I want to come and stay for a while with DD.
I am meant to be starting my first job tommorow after 3 years of being at home with DD, so I dont even know if I will be able to start now.

The bastard slept all day and when it was getting a bit late and DD was getting tired and ready for bed [thank god], I was still tidying up so I expected him to get up and put her to bed. Instead I found him snoring his head off on the sofa, after he had only just woke up!!!
That was the last straw, here I am stressing myself and worried about my future with him and hes sleeping and ignoring DD.
I just flipped out, I screamed ' wake up!' just to make sure he was awake, dressed dd and put her down and came back and asked him of it wasnt enough that he had come crawling in fucking drunk and starving, slept all day and ruined mine and DDs day as well {we were supposed to go to an egg hunt at Battersea park} now I cant even get a break because he was fucking sleeping again!! Again he said shut my fucking mouth and then screamed out
' Sometimes I just feel like giving you a fucking punch in the mouth'. I was so shocked, I stopped breathing for a minute, and just looked at him. DD came out from her room when she heard the shouting, I just took her up and went in her room with her, locked the door and tried to get her to sleep.
Tears running down my face trying to read goldilocks is not a good look. DD went to sleep and I had a shower and I went to my room to try to sleep as well. He was watching tv.He must have fallen asleep but came and got into bed about 6.00 this morning. I cant stand to even look at him or lie next to him so I got up and took my pillow and a quilt and am now sat here not knowing what to do next.
He has never once hit me or been abusive in the 7 years we have been together, and I dont want to confront him as I am afraid he follows through with his threat. I grew up in a house where I saw my dad pound on my mum till she was blue black. I've always said I will never let any man hit me, I will fight back and I fight dirty. I'll take something and smash his head in if he does hit me. Now I have my bag packed and now my cousin isnt answering her phone!! Just waiting for DD to get up now.

Thanks for all the support ladies, now i really need it

you need to go to your cousin, put your shoes in your dd little head when you were a child, it might noy be physically but atm, it is emotional.

tbh I think he is making it hard for you so when you do leave, the blame will lie on you and not him.

few points:

Do not let him stop you starting this job- this will be a good source of independance for you and you may well need it if you split for good.

he threatened physical violence- even if he didn't mean it- he knew it would alarm/ upset you- something is def going on

leave- pack some things and leave- do not subject you dd to this

i would leave him for the way he speaks to you anyway
but he's also threatened violence
leave!

Oh dear its not looking very good is it? For whats its worth there is a big world out there with kinder men than him. Either way he does not want to be with his family and partake right now.

something is clearly broken right now, I urge you to remove yourself from this situation and focus on your family, your DD and your job. PLEASE get back to work , I assume you have childcare sorted

then when things have calmed get some legal advice

Given what you saw with your family, you clearly can see that this behaviour is wrong. he seems to be acting like a complete arsehole, is he trying to push you away?

good thing you are married and side of the law on your side

good luck and be strong

sorry if battering from MN bayatches has made this even worse.....

Only just seen this thread and I am appalled at the lack of compassion and downright judgeyness of some of the posters. Her H and his family obviously excluded her from this party, I don't buy the last minute invite for a minute. SOunds like he was very obvious he didn't want OP there, the image of him seething at her wanting to go and doing her zip up in such a manner that it left her bleeding...

Lily'smummy - do you have childcare arrangements for your new job in place? I would really try to start it if you can, simply because it will give you some independence and individual finances and a something of your own which will be good for your selfesteem.

You could also call women'said for advice, they are really supportive and helpful. Your H has behaved horribly towards you and i really feel for you, would love to hand you a cuppa and give you a hug.

thats a big problem as well now, my job. He works nights and is home during the day so was going to look after DD and his mum would have picked looked after her for a few hours each day when he needs to sleep. I am really worried about what i am going to do but I do know i need to get out of here.

its in his best interest to still look after her, if you got a divorce (for example) he would need to pay alimony, if you work, he pays less obv. would he stop this , and stop your job to punish you? If you think YES then he really is a cxxx and you are better off out....

hope you manage to have a nice day, can you escape and go somewhere nice and show DD a gopod time, distraction techniques do sometime work...

LilysMummy, am so and for you.

This man doesn't want to be with you. Take your dd and leave.

Post in relationships instead of here. Lots of nice posters that offer help and support.

Fwiw, I still think he is up to no good. Probably with the ex.

Oh I am sorry lily'smummy it sounds like this twunt thinks the grass is greener on the other side. You are right to get out of there.

please go and post in Relationships - you will get lots of support and less people bothering about your daughter's sleeping patterns.

If there is any way at all that you can start the job or postpone the start until you have things sorted out you should try because you will need this independence now.

oh gosh, we just had a huge row, DD is napping thank goodness. he is now insisting that he didnt mind if I went, that he just didnt want DD to stay by my friend, pretended that the skin zipping didnt even happen and now claims that his ex wasnt even there. I just checked his brothers facebook and she has posted a comment about how tired she is because of how much she danced. He is blatantly lying and trying to blame me for it.
He keeps going back to the fact that I have always had a jealousy problem and that I am the one who doesnt like his siblings!! Ive never told the bastard what to do, when to go out or been possessive in any way. I know that sometimes I want to do my own thing or go to my friends house and wouldnt want himstopping me. We dont drink much, so its not like he has a regular night out with the boys and I tried to stop him!! My cousin has gone out with her boyfriend so i still havent been able to leave.
I am going to work, and leave DD with him. let him deal with it, our argument doesnt stop him lookig after his daughter!

good, you are going to work- well done, this will show him he can't control things/ spoil things with his behaviour

Is this your 1st job since your dd? what will you be doing?

I am asking as he may be getting a bit insecure about you meeting people? Even if he is- this does not excuse his behaviour.

Also I would just like to say, that even if you can't get in touch with your cousin to leave today- you can leave tomorrow- it will still have an effect. I would definatley do this as I think it would shock him, knowing that you will have started your jo and then move out will make him realise you are not dependant on him.

I think that you need time to think before discussinghis behaviour and I would not argue/ talk about htis again until you have moved out.

Lilysmummy2007 please leave. Go and find somewhere to stay even for a night or two while you sort things out. Please don't risk the welfare of your DD. Children remember things you may not, v sad but my DD does and she was 2.5 when I was in your shoes.

As others have suggested, post in relationships as you'll get more sympathy and advice on who you can contact outside of friends/family for support.

You should not have to put up with this. Think of yourself and your daughter.

I am going to work as operations manager for a estate agent, I dont know if that may be why he is acting like this, this is my first job since DD.

Mouse he works nights from about 10 and doesnt get in till around 7.30, so I wont have to see him should I just stay here. I dont know where else to go, and I really want to go to my new job, it will leave a bad impression if I miss my first day. Hes taken DD to visit her cousins down the road so at least i get a rest.

Can't post much as taking the kids out shortly. Just wanted to wish you lots of luck in your new job and that it gives you the independence you need. I remember my first dh saying that it was ok to slap a woman if she was annoying him. I didn't really believe him, which was a mistake. Your dp has said loud and clear how he feels, take him at his word and find somewhere else, pronto. You owe it to yourself and to her. Again, good luck.

Yes, stay there then if you have nowhere and he'll be at work. Don't risk your job either, it'll be good for you to get back to work. Can you sort something out for the short term? Or can you sleep in a seperate room? Just to give yourself some space?

And yes, you going back to work may well be why he's being like this but no excuse. I really feel for you. I ended up in a hostel with my DD but this is your thread, I'm not going to highjack it!

Good luck tomorrow, I'll be watching this thread. Hope you and DD are ok.

hey muose, thanks for the encouragement, I feel much better today, ive gotten some sleep, DD is back in her routine as i kept her up almost all day, she only had a 30 min nap so was tired by about 9.Whats it like being in a hostel, do they just put you anywhere? I wouldnt want to go to a hostel but if i need to i will. I will speak to my new boss as the company im going to work for has properties that they own and rent out, so maybe he can let me move in one and start paying rent when i get my wages. I will also be taking everthing that is mine if i do move out.

The worst part about all this is that he is seeing how hurt I am and how much its bothering me and he hasnt even apologised for it. Even if he didnt mean to threathen to punch me, at least say sorry. I feel like I dont even know who he is anymore. He also grew up in an abusive home where his dad hit his mum, and also hit all the kids and has always said he would never do that to me or DD, so its like looking at a different person. Im hoping to get to talk to him when he gets in and try and sort this out. I really need to know where I stand.

Oh, Lily. His having grown up in an abusive household is a huge red flag, I'm afraid. Not on its own; obviously, people do rise above their childhoods. But combined with the fact that, when you confronted him, his first reaction was to threaten you with violence? That's a really, really bad sign. Even if he "didn't mean to" threaten to punch you, he threatened to punch you. You don't do that if you don't, on some level, really want to punch your wife. You know?

It sounds like you know that, though.

I think he's seeing the 'ex', by the way. His sudden hostility to you is part and parcel of the fact that he wants to live a different life than the one he's got, and you're in the way of that.

Good luck. I agree, start a new thread in Relationships, and there'll be a lot of help for you there.