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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to find this really quite...well, pathetic.

212 replies

BritFish · 03/04/2010 18:10

my son has just got a new girlfriend, who lives the next town over but goes to the same college. she is lovely, and she was telling me today about how her and 3 friends are getting the train to a theme park as a birthday thing. the train station is a good 30 minute walk to the theme park, which isnt a problem, except they dont know the area.
i asked her if noone could give her a lift and she said he dad was working and her mum doesnt drive on motorways.
i immediately thought shed had an accident on one and that made her nervous, i asked in a roundabout way and DS's girlfriend said that everyone always assumes that but her mum just refuses to drive on motorways as they are 'too much stress'
she sighed and just said they [her and her dad] had given up trying to talk sense into her, and that its caused massive fallouts and problems in the past.

AIBU in thinking this woman is deeply unreasonable and frankly worrying?
fair enough to dislike motorways, im not keen myself, but its got to be done sometimes!
surely to be safe on the road you need to be comfortable with different roads etc?
i still cant believe they dont do motorway driving in driving tests though...

OP posts:
flameproofsuit · 03/04/2010 18:12

More worrying to force someone onto a motorway who doesn't feel comfortable with it

YABU.

And judgey.

gingernutlover · 03/04/2010 18:13

it is a bit pathetic yes, but if she feels unsafe driving on the motorway probably best that she doesn't really.

mangoandlime · 03/04/2010 18:13

YABU, in a way. It can be a real phobia for some people. You can still be a great, safe driver and hate the thought of motorway driving.

flameproofsuit · 03/04/2010 18:13

" its got to be done sometimes!"

No, it doesn't. You can choose not to and still have a driving licence.

Is this is a wind up?

FabIsGettingThere · 03/04/2010 18:14

YABU to find her pathetic.

Motorways can be scary places to drive with all the idiots on the road who don't drive safely.

FalafelAtYourFeet · 03/04/2010 18:15

My mum won't drive on motorways either.
She drives on fast dual carriageways though so its clearly a mental block. I don't really give a fig though, tis up to her if she wants to go the long way round to places!

It's not 'deeply unreasonable', it's none of your beeswax IMO.

YABU.

traceybath · 03/04/2010 18:15

YANBU

My aunt would never do a right turn so would drive the longest way to get anywhere so she only had to do left turns.

I do think if you are driving you should be able to drive on a motorway or get some additional lessons to help you really.

Lulumaam · 03/04/2010 18:15

i absolutely hate motorway driving to the point i have had a panic attack about it..

i am a fully competent adult and mother in every other way though..

i am a safe driver, have had one accident in 12 years, that was someone driving into me when they were at a give way, so really don't thik that not being comforatble on teh motorway means you are not a safe driver

i do accept i really neefd to get some help re this issue, i have driven on the motorway lots of times before, but it has become an big issue

if she had any sort of phobia would you be so scathing?

FalafelAtYourFeet · 03/04/2010 18:16

lol at Traceybaths mum, like Zoolander

MrsPixie · 03/04/2010 18:16

YABU

I have a phobia of driving on Motorways and it is very real and quite paralysing. My DH and friends are understanding toward this and to call her pathetic I feel is quite awful.

I am currently going through therapy and CBT to help with with my problem and it is quite common. She may be playing down the fact that she is truly fearful; so sad that people are unable to understand.

FalafelAtYourFeet · 03/04/2010 18:16

aunt sorry

Lulumaam · 03/04/2010 18:16

yes , i also drive on dual carriageways too! motorway freaks me out. also my car is getting older and i worry about breaking dwon with teh DCs with me

thedollshouse · 03/04/2010 18:16

YABU.

"Its got to be done sometimes" - A trip to a theme park is hardly life or death.

JustMyTwoPenceWorth · 03/04/2010 18:17

Yes. You are a bit. If she feels nervous on motorways, then does it really matter if she stays off them? Yes, it might be better for her to face her fears, if her life was being restricted in any way by not driving on motorways.

But what's the worst that happens? She has to drive round, find a different route, takes a bit longer.

Motorways don't have to be done at all.

I agree it is better to be ok driving on any road, in any condition, but if you can't, you can't. And if you stick to where you feel safe, who are you hurting, really?

Motorway tests should be a requirement, I agree. I think it is stupid that you are not required to be tested on motorway driving, considering the high speed involved. And how tricky it can be to get onto the damn things at busy times.

CarGirl · 03/04/2010 18:17

I know quite a few people who are petrified of motorways, I do wonder if it's something to do with living by the worst stretch of the M25 tbh!

kitkat9 · 03/04/2010 18:17

YABU

My MIL is the same, and we just accept it - if she was going to be a nervous wreck driving on a motorway then it's best if she doesn't, for her safety and the sake of every other car on the road

you may find there's a bus service to take passengers from the train to the theme park, or do a google map thingy

don't be so unforgiving, we've all got our weaknesses

mangoandlime · 03/04/2010 18:18

It's a phobia, she has a mental block about motorway driving, it doesn't mean she CAN'T do it, just that she tells herself she can't do it. She's probably a better driver than those who drive all the time on motorways.

FalafelAtYourFeet · 03/04/2010 18:19

so you'd be ok with it if it was that she had had an accident on one? What other reasons would be acceptable to you?

traceybath · 03/04/2010 18:21

Lulu - could you get some lessons to help with motorway driving.

I used to hate the joining motorways bit but as with most things it does get easier.

There are a lot of aggressive drivers around which makes things harder I think if you are a nervous driver.

ilovepiccolina · 03/04/2010 18:21

I've been driving for over 20 years and I never go on motorways unless it's unavoidable - so it's been about three times. I, too, find them too stressful. I also avoid driving at night, same reason.
You might not understand, but I, and presumably this woman, manage pretty well.

Taxi from the station?

plimsolls · 03/04/2010 18:21

I think YABU, a bit. Why should she have to drive on a motorway if she doesn't want to?

I am a pretty good driver generally but I absolutely hate driving on motorways. I used to live in a v rural area so didn't drive on motorways for first ten years of being a driver, which could be why I'm a bit scared of them. I avoid them as much as possible.

If someone "judged" me for avoiding motorways...well, I don't think it'd bother me really...but I would think they were wrong.

fluffles · 03/04/2010 18:23

i know somebody who also doesn't drive on motorways - it doesn't stop her getting places though, there are very few places that you can't get to by normal roads (otherwise how would cyclists and mopeds get around?).

yes, it's irrational, but no worse than people who freak out at the sight of a mouse or spider.

Joolyjoolyjoo · 03/04/2010 18:24

YABabitU! My mum was a bit like this- wouldn't drive on motorways. Wouldn't drive at night. Wouldn't drive round big roundabouts. Only ever drove to her work (1.5 miles down the road) and back! Caused a few tiffs with my dad (eg she wanted to go shopping in the next town, and wanted to be there at 8.30 on a Saturday morning, because otherwise "you'll never get parked". Dad was NOT a morning person, but she insisted!)

But it was just the way she was. She could have chosen not to drive at all, and been just as annoying! I think you just get that you accept people's limitations.

Hey- I might think you should be able to run a marathon, and I'd probably be right, but it doesn't mean I should think you pathetic if you never chose to attempt to run one (this is where you tell me you do the London marathon every year, isn't it?!!)

mousemole · 03/04/2010 18:26

I think you ABVU.
She probably has a phobia, as I do of driving on motorways, for which I have had CBT. Mine stemmed from almost passing out at the wheel on a motorway when DS1 was a few weeks old and I was sleep deprived and hungry. She probably has a very real reason for not liking them. Don't judge until you know the reason.

flameproofsuit · 03/04/2010 18:27

How old are these 4 girls anyway?

If teenagers it's more worrying that you think they're not capable of using a map and walking 30 mins to a theme park without being driven around by adults.

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