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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to find this really quite...well, pathetic.

212 replies

BritFish · 03/04/2010 18:10

my son has just got a new girlfriend, who lives the next town over but goes to the same college. she is lovely, and she was telling me today about how her and 3 friends are getting the train to a theme park as a birthday thing. the train station is a good 30 minute walk to the theme park, which isnt a problem, except they dont know the area.
i asked her if noone could give her a lift and she said he dad was working and her mum doesnt drive on motorways.
i immediately thought shed had an accident on one and that made her nervous, i asked in a roundabout way and DS's girlfriend said that everyone always assumes that but her mum just refuses to drive on motorways as they are 'too much stress'
she sighed and just said they [her and her dad] had given up trying to talk sense into her, and that its caused massive fallouts and problems in the past.

AIBU in thinking this woman is deeply unreasonable and frankly worrying?
fair enough to dislike motorways, im not keen myself, but its got to be done sometimes!
surely to be safe on the road you need to be comfortable with different roads etc?
i still cant believe they dont do motorway driving in driving tests though...

OP posts:
Malificence · 03/04/2010 19:13

Not a female thing at all - DD has been driving on motorways since she passed her test, she regularly drives hundreds of miles, she is totally unfazed by driving, takes after her dad rather than me.

I don't even like being a passenger on motorways, I'm ok for an hour or so,then I start to freak, whichis weird as we regularly used to drive half way across Europe when we lived in Germany.

GnocchiGnocchiWhosThere · 03/04/2010 19:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

2old4thislark · 03/04/2010 19:16

mangoandlime it's even worse on the 4 lane stretch of the M25 - they sit in the 3rd lane and the inside 2 lanes are empty.......aaarrrgh!

Debs75 · 03/04/2010 19:16

It is limiting though, if you only stick to roads you know then there must have been a time you didn't know them, so why not venture a bit further.

2shoeskickedtheeasterbunny · 03/04/2010 19:16

yanbu
I used to be scared of them.....hated getting of the slip lane..but when I had to go on one alone to take dd to conductive education, I found the more I did it the easier it got.

mangoandlime · 03/04/2010 19:16

I know, I'm from near there...that road is huuuge!

geraldinetheluckygoat · 03/04/2010 19:19

Christ, I hope when my ds's are teenagers, that they:
a) are able to navigate a 30 minute walk to somewhere new with friends and wont be expecting to be ferried around.
b) Don't stand there having snydey digs at me with their girlfriend's mothers' about whatever behaviour of mine they and dh find exasperating.

2old4thislark · 03/04/2010 19:20

It drives me crazy as you have to go across so many lanes if you're going to overtake properly.....so tempting to pass on the inside!

mangoandlime · 03/04/2010 19:22

Nooorty!

Tortington · 03/04/2010 19:23

yanbu

pathetic!

BarefootShirl · 03/04/2010 19:25

I'm not out to upset anyone on here BUT is it reasonable to consider yourself a competent driver if there a are road types (i.e. motorways - the most efficient arterial routes in most parts of the UK)that you do not feel capable of using? I don't really blame the drivers here - surely the problem lies with the fact that it is far too bloody easy to get a driving licence! People seem to think that having a licence is a right, rather than something that should have to be "earned". Rant over

mangoandlime · 03/04/2010 19:27

Would you say she was 'pathetic' if she had any other sort of phobia: Agoraphobia, arachnophobia, claustrophobia, for example? Why is this phobia different? I'm interested to know why this is a sign of weakness and the others aren't.

mangoandlime · 03/04/2010 19:31

BarefootShirl, I think it's harder to drive on non motorway roads! It's an irrational phobia, doesn't mean you can't do it, just that your mind won't allow you. If you can drive on the pot-holed, one ways systems of this country you can easily drive on a motorway, should you want to.

LittleSilver · 03/04/2010 19:31

I think you are being a bit unkind and very judgey.

AgentProvocateur · 03/04/2010 19:38

I think it's more pathetic that you think it's unreasonable for four teenagers to be walk for half an hour and use a map or common sense, TBH. Your views seem rather skewed.

2old4thislark · 03/04/2010 19:43

Yesterday I drove on the 'six' lane part of the M25 - 3 lanes feed off to 2 different options - blue signs everywhere, lots of junctions in the space of a few miles - not surprised that some people are sh*t scared tbh.

It is very scary that you can pass your test in a rural area and then be able drive around a six lane motorway without being taught what to do - no wonder people don't want to do it!

coolma · 03/04/2010 19:45

I really really hate driving on anything that has more than one carriageway actually. I don't really know why, I just do. I am not pathetic and I really get pissed off with people telling me I am 'silly' or 'they're much safer than little roads'. I will do it if pressed, and did so today, heart pounding and hands tightly gripped to steering wheel, In answer to your question - yes you are vv U to be so dismissive and downright horrd about the poor woman.

Rant over.

Rockbird · 03/04/2010 19:50

Of course it's reasonable to consider yourself a competent driver if you don't do motorways. They're not like roundabouts or turning right, motorways can totally be avoided if you want to. It is entirely possible to drive your whole adult life and never set wheel on a motorway.

And I agree with whoever said they hoped their dd would have a bit more about them than to give out about their own mother to their boyfriend's mother . She doesn't sound that nice to me.

OP YABtotallyU and very judgey. Better to keep off the motorway altogether than to be forced onto one and have an accident.

mangoandlime · 03/04/2010 19:53

Exactly, Rockbird. Who said the ability to go onto a motorway is the barometer of good driving anyway.

Rockbird · 03/04/2010 19:57

As most motorways are a magnet for arseholes anyway, they're the polar opposite of the barometer of good driving...

That obviously doesn't include those of us here that love them windows down sunny day music on can manage ok on them

LadyBiscuit · 03/04/2010 19:58

Are there any men who are too scared to drive on motorways? Seems to be a peculiarly female phenomenon

upahill · 03/04/2010 19:59

YABU I'm afraid. I love motorways but my friend hates them. To get to her house from mine by motorway takes less than 10 mins. However she refuses to use them and it takes over half an hour to get to mine without the motorway.

People can prefer which way they want to go. It's not compulsory to drive on a motorway if you don't want to.

MrsChemist · 03/04/2010 20:05

YABU, my mum is an extremely competent driver, but motorways give her panic attacks. Even she doesn't know why. She said she used to be fine with them, but slowly over the years she has just developed this phobia from nowhere. She knows it's irrational, but knowing it's irrational doesn't make it any less terrifying.

charley24 · 03/04/2010 20:07

YABU - I have been driving for 18 months and have yet to drive on a motorway, I actually only drive on routes I have been on before, or do routes where my husband has sat beside me and explained.

Some people aren't confident and I will tell you why I am not.

3 days after passing I was beeped so much at a junction for waiting (takes longer to pull away when just passed), I was in a state as people were angry and I thought the coast was clear - I pulled out and it wasn't.

I could have killed myself and a poor man driving down the road. That was my confidence gone.

I LAWAY stick to the speed limit, but I am usually overtaken, I try to be courteous to other drivers and I consider myself SAFE, but they are not, some people drive like maniacs and scare people like me. If the road is 30, it is 30, it is not 50. I will now never speed up to please someone else.

I have been bepped, because the car behind was impatient and just because they thought I could go, I should...but I will go when I feel it is safe to do so, and I will wait for an appropriate gap to pull into a road.

Don't think me overly hesitant, but I have my 2 children in my car and their safety comes first, so to answer your question, I am confident driving when it is quiet, nighttime etc when the roads are clear, but in rush hour and at times you take your life into your hands getting in a car.

JMO Of course.

Laquitar · 03/04/2010 20:19

Why you kept asking the girl what the reason is?

I hate it when people question other children trying to fish information about their parents. i.e. 'so who cooks, your mum or dad?', 'why does your mum drive?', 'is any particular reason you go to that resort every year?'. My schoolfriend's mum used to do that.

It is more pathetic than not driving on motorways.