to find this really quite...well, pathetic.

[BritFish]

my son has just got a new girlfriend, who lives the next town over but goes to the same college. she is lovely, and she was telling me today about how her and 3 friends are getting the train to a theme park as a birthday thing. the train station is a good 30 minute walk to the theme park, which isnt a problem, except they dont know the area.
i asked her if noone could give her a lift and she said he dad was working and her mum doesnt drive on motorways.
i immediately thought shed had an accident on one and that made her nervous, i asked in a roundabout way and DS's girlfriend said that everyone always assumes that but her mum just refuses to drive on motorways as they are 'too much stress'
she sighed and just said they [her and her dad] had given up trying to talk sense into her, and that its caused massive fallouts and problems in the past.

AIBU in thinking this woman is deeply unreasonable and frankly worrying?
fair enough to dislike motorways, im not keen myself, but its got to be done sometimes!
surely to be safe on the road you need to be comfortable with different roads etc?
i still cant believe they dont do motorway driving in driving tests though...

YANBU its pathetic. We all have to overcome things we dont like. What a wuss.

You can overcome it by finding alternatives-it isn't being a wuss-everyone has their areas of difficulty. The woman in OP has overcome it-the DCs are perfectly capable of public transport and using their legs-in fact it would do them good!

If she can't do it she can't do it.

So what - noone is a wuss - I'd rather a nervy motorway driver stay off the motorway when I'm on it tbh. OK - you might rely on someone to do bits for you - they probably rely on you to do things for them, no?

My issue is that I can't drive anywhere where I don't know the route. Because I had a minor accident the day after I passed my driving test in another town - I was lost and not concentrating -since then (over 20 years ago) I'm crap at wondering around trying to find places.

Thank goodness for satnav it's revolutionised my life.

does it matter?

i only passed my test in october.im trying a motorway for the first time at the end of the month.if i dont feel comfortable will you think im pathetic?

I don't think you ABU but there are an awful lot of hopeless drivers out there so don't know whether I want to come across someone who feels forced to drive on the motorway against their will.

I tend to think that you can either drive or you can't and that means all or nothing. I don't have any problem with people who don't drive and I do understand that there could be circumstances where someone develops a complex about certain sorts of driving as a result of some bad experience.

But basically, it does get on my nerves when people allegedly drive but in reality don't because of what they exclude from their driving. I have a friend who is gradually losing the will to make right turns and journeys are beginning to get bizarre given the routes that now need taking. I also had another friend who claimed she couldn't drive around a nearby large town despite never being prepared to try. So I don't think anyone can say they are a "good" driver if they can't cope with all types of roads and driving conditions. It doesn't mean you have to, but you should be able to.

I agree pikelit.

Maybe this puts things into perspective.

My teenage son passed his driving test within 7 weeks of his 17 birthday. He had 16 lessons plus lots of practise in his car with me and his dad (virtually every day of the summer holidays). We drove miles - the first time I went out with him we tackled the 3 lane part of the A3 - he was doing 70 miles an hour and changing lanes when necessary with confidence. He also did multi storey car parks (including the horrible one in Windsor), Kingston town centre without batting an eyelid. Day after he passed he drove down to Brighton.

And yet, so many 'experienced' drivers won't turn right, drive on motorways and drive to unfamiliar places!

I know a fair few people who don't drive on motorways.

YABU

Sometimes it's a case of needs must.
Straight after passing my test I had to start driving 11/2 hrs to work on a motorway, twice a week.
Exhausting and sometimes scary to start with but I'm glad I didn't have the chance to build up an insurmountable fear of motorway driving.
Whereas my mum, who passed 20 years ago, has only driven to visit me once (2 1/2 hrs on motorway), and seems to have talked her way into being terrified of it.
Mind you, she may be one of those drivers who shouldn't really be on the road; she also can't bear the country lanes where we live as you have to keep giving way, and I've witnessed her clip another car when pulling into an enormous parking space.

My DS was the same 2old4thislark. He has an August birthday and so was itching to go.He passed in 8 weeks and I felt quite safe when out practising with him at 70mph on a dual carriageway. He doesn't take after me! I don't know what it proves.

YABU if she has a genuine phobia.

But then I know people who won't drive in towns they have never been to; on the motorway; on a dual carriageway; in our local city; in the rain; in the dark....and even worse, a friend who won't put petrol in the car herself - her DH has to do it for her!

And I must admit I do find it a bit pathetic!

This is a genuine question (i.e. not a rhetorical, point proving one).

Some posters have said that motorway driving is easier than town/country driving because all the cars going in same direction, all you have to do is point your car, etc, etc. Is that really true?

I have always thought of motorway driving as being harder because there's more traffic, any driving decisions have to be made quicker as you are driving at higher speeds, and that you have to be very vigilant because of the lane changing at high speeds.

Looking at some of the responses about motorway driving, I am wondering if I'm over-thinking it and being overly cautious (i.e. seeing danger where there is none).

I think that women, in general, are more cautious. If I were to pass my test now I would have the green P sign and a motorway lesson. My 17yr old DS passed his test first time, wouldn't have a P sign and went on the motorway with no worries.

apparently there are fewer accidents on motorways than on any other type of road. Most accidents occur in towns.

I learnt this on the Drivers Awareness course I recently had to attend for speeding .

I dont think women are more cautious. Not sure what you would base that on. Makes no diffeence, man or women. Some people are more cautious than others. I think the whole farce about women being nervous/ slow/ crap drivers just allows and encourages other women to think its accepatable to ask a man to do all the motorway driving.

to be fair, lollyhop I think only one poster in this thread has said that they ask a man to do their motorway driving.

Well I don't drive in the dark on a motorway - ever- my eyesight is not great and the ones with no lighting (thinking stretch of M11 with 0 light) and I feel like I'm driving in outerspace - can only see bright blurred lights indicating there's a car somewhere ahead or behind - so for everyone's safety I don't do motorways ever in the dark.

I don't think it's pathetic anymore than I don't think it's pathetic that some people are scared of flying - and some people think that holidaying in the UK is really great - might not be my thing but it's also none of my business if people make their lives smaller.

YANBU
If anyone drives they ought to be able to drive anywhere. She ought to take more lessons and get used to driving on motorways- she might have to one day in an emergency.

Nervous and doddery drivers cause accidents just like loons do.

Plimsolls, I think you probably are over-thinking it.
You do have to concentrate harder the faster you drive, but I would say it's out of the ordinary to have to make a quick driving decision.
Ideally, you're aware of the traffic around you and are following the flow of traffic, at the same time as trying to anticipate what may be ahead - just like on any other road.
If someone breaks hard in front of you you brake hard, but you should be allowing the right distance from the car in front in order to have time to do this.

right.
i accept im being completely unreasonable, thats fine, i think the woman is being daft, and thats my opinion.
for all of you saying its none of my buisness and i should keep out.
ER, I KNOW. where did i say i was getting involved/criticising her in front of ANYONE.

the ONLY person ive mentioned it to other than all you lovely people is DH, who thought it was odd, but that was as far as it went. i retract the word 'pathetic' because as usual, people have jumped on that word instead of looking at the whole picture., i dont mind if you disagree with me, i really dont, but dont act as if i scorn all others who have phobias and fears.

its just this woman doesnt appear to have a phobia or had an accident because her daughter made it clear it was neither of these things, so on that basis i find this unreasonable.
i dont object to the woman, as ive said, ive only met her once and im not going to judge her whole character on one silly thing!

of course, i dont know this woman that well, and if she does have a genuine phobia or did have an accident that she is not admitting to her husband or daughter, then i feel for her, i really do. but based on what i do know, i think shes being unreasonable.

i hate on AIBU you get people going 'its none of your buisness' and 'you shouldnt judge'
honestly, we wouldnt have 80% of the threads on here if we all abided to that.

id also like to add that i seriously didnt give this that much thought, to all of you who think im stomping around hating my sons girlfriends mother for one thing because im jealous or overbearing or whatever.

and also, i would think her daughter was being unreasonable if she and her friends REFUSED to try and navigate the unknown area around the theme park, even though they are apprehensive.
there's nothing wrong with being afraid of things [just to clarify, there's a difference between being scared of something and it being an actual PHOBIA]
but if you're just scared, feel the bloody fear and do it anyway.
example, childbirth.
i was bloody petrified!

on another note, thanks for all your comments. i know im being unreasonable, and i may seem a bit snappy, but im only annoyed at how some of you have interpretated my words and jumped to wild assumptions and got personal, not that you disagree with me!

ooh, and i think motorway/town driving is nervy in different ways, motorways because some arseholes seem to think that its okay to cut in front of people and not indicate.
towns because there's always some twat at a roundabout where i live!

I think that more to the point is that if someone is nervous of driving on motorways, they are likely to be nervous of driving per se. Nervous drivers drive dangerously- and they can cause accidents.

I knew a mum once who wouldn't drive on motorways as she "didn't like using slip roads" to join the motorway. I found it laughable TBH and wondered how she had passed her test.

If you are afraid of motorways it implies you cannot control your car, judge traffic speeds and handle more than a single lane of traffic. all of which makes you a "bad" driver.

I don't lack sympathy for anyone who is nervous, but I think they should "feel the fear and do it anyway" - ideally by taking lessons first- such as Pass Plus, even as an adult- or doing some motorway driving when it is quieter.

'I dont think women are more cautious. Not sure what you would base that on'

I base it on the fact that I see lots of the green P signs on cars where the driver is a woman and I have never seen one on a car driven by a man.

agree with piscesmoon. We also have the term 'boy racer' where young men go tearing around in cars risking everyone's safety

Totally agree purplepeony - I also know PLENTY of people who can't parallel park. Why not FGS? I couldn't for a while after passing my test (the 3 car lengths they give/gave you in the test hardly ever happens in real life).

So I took an afternoon, and went and practised on my own, so noone could see my awful attempts. After a few hours, I could do it very well (if I do say so ). I've never had a problem ever since.

If at first you don't succeed........

boy racers [grrr]
id rant on about how greatly unfair it is that boys pay higher insurance, but i realise that you cant pinpoint the boy racers. we get alot around here. and then you get some like our neighbours son, who is one of the best drivers ive seen despite only having been driving for a year. he reverses better than i do by a long shot!
might be to do with the fact he paid/pays for his car himself, and it his pride and joy...
and his mum would kill him if he ever got a speeding ticket or crashed!

I once had a boyfriend who was a rally driver. He took my new car and did flying starts, handbrake turns and going round a roundabout sideways with oncoming cars. I was white as a ghost, screaming that enough was enough. Looking back on it, it was great fun, but it didn't feel like it at the time.