Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to find this really quite...well, pathetic.

212 replies

BritFish · 03/04/2010 18:10

my son has just got a new girlfriend, who lives the next town over but goes to the same college. she is lovely, and she was telling me today about how her and 3 friends are getting the train to a theme park as a birthday thing. the train station is a good 30 minute walk to the theme park, which isnt a problem, except they dont know the area.
i asked her if noone could give her a lift and she said he dad was working and her mum doesnt drive on motorways.
i immediately thought shed had an accident on one and that made her nervous, i asked in a roundabout way and DS's girlfriend said that everyone always assumes that but her mum just refuses to drive on motorways as they are 'too much stress'
she sighed and just said they [her and her dad] had given up trying to talk sense into her, and that its caused massive fallouts and problems in the past.

AIBU in thinking this woman is deeply unreasonable and frankly worrying?
fair enough to dislike motorways, im not keen myself, but its got to be done sometimes!
surely to be safe on the road you need to be comfortable with different roads etc?
i still cant believe they dont do motorway driving in driving tests though...

OP posts:
BalsamicJam · 03/04/2010 23:31

I think it is pathetic that someone who has passed their test won't drive on motorways. I think it a distinctly female thing that they can only potter round on the A and B roads, doing the school run and the grocery run. One of my oldest friends won't drive over to me ever because she would HAVE to go on a motorway. I feel it is a real waste of a skill.

Another friend of mine was terrified of driving on motorways but had to when her brother fell seriously ill. She had to drive from one end of England to the other to be at his bedside for months. She started off in tears but now thinks nothing of it.

But I am being excessively unreasonable and hypocritical about this because I can't drive myself. Have reached 40+ and have attempted to learn for the past 20 years and have found it a terrifying, hopeless experience everytime. I think I would still rather be a total NON-driver rather than one of these timid, pretendy drivers who can't cope with a motorway - I was always under the impression that a timid driver was quite dangerous (and that has probably fed into my inability to master it)

minxofmancunia · 03/04/2010 23:32

Going against the grain and with LeQueen on this one.

The day after I passed my driving test I drove around the M60, hands sweating completely terrified just because i knew i'd need to be able to do it. drive on motorways all the time now.

3 weeks later i drove round italy.

A phobia of rats etc. is manageable, how often do you need to encounter rats in RL? refusing to drive on motorways on the other hand is severely limiting, they're a fact of life, unless you have HOURS to spare finding an alternative route.

find it equally as irritating people who'll only "drive places they know" fgs do you ever go anywhere alse? And do you really want to be that dependent on other people?

As for malificence "that's what husbands are for* please spare me...

shockers · 03/04/2010 23:48

After I passed my test, I worked out a route for every journey that included a roundabout, because they frightend me.

princessparty · 03/04/2010 23:56

I don't get why people find motorway driving scary.It's easy- everybody is going in the same direction.All you have to do is point your car.

Quattrocento · 04/04/2010 00:00

Motorways are safer than any other roads

People sometimes build up big blocks in their minds over nothing in particular. Feeble really.

A friend of mine was irrationally frightened of flying. Then she took a ferry to France, tried to pay a french shop owner in sterling, got upset when he refused to accept the currency, flung the money at him (in coins, which he couldn't change) and ran out of the shop. Seriously nutso.

Then her son emigrated to Spain. She flies there once a month and manages perfectly well.

People get these ridiculous things in their heads - what can you do??

stripeytiger · 04/04/2010 00:18

Think the OP has lit the blue touch paper and retreated to safe distance, good debate though.

Jemnot · 04/04/2010 00:19

To be honest with you, I actually am terrified of driving and I don't know much about motorway driving but driving in general terrifies me. I spent thousands learning to drive and my instructor stopped returning my calls after I accidentally... well I don't feel like going into detail but I once drove straight accross a (grass) roundabout instead of going around it. I don't know what happened. I think my foot slipped or something and the instructor was so shocked she didn't have time to do anything. I knocked off several wing mirrors and one of the cars that I slammed into had a 3-year old child in it.

My head slammed into the dashboard and the Chinese lady who was the mother of the 3-year old (mercifully nobody was injured except for me getting a bruised forehead) stood outside my window screaming at me in Cantonese and waving her wing mirror at me.

It might sound comical but when you think about it I could have killed or been killed.

I don't think it's pathetic to be scared of driving. I'm scared too. I never had another lesson after that. I did ring my instructor another couple of times but for some reason she stopped returning my calls!

muminthemiddle · 04/04/2010 00:23

I know people who don't drive on motorways, their choice.

Quattrocento · 04/04/2010 00:32

If you are not competent to drive on motorways then you are not competent to drive at all.

Bonkers. Really bonkers. And do you know what really bothers me about this not-driving-on-motorways nonsense? It's only women who pull this sort of stunt. It's entirely illogical and self-indulgent. I mean when have you ever seen a bloke say that?

Entirely with the OP on this one.

lowenergylightbulb · 04/04/2010 00:39

I don't even drive, so how judgy of me would you be?

I was involved in a pretty bad car crash as a kid and as a result I can only barely tolerate being a passenger in cars.

I am ashamed to admit that I do depend on my DP to ferry our kids out and about.

I have tried to drive but I find it terrifying and I have flashbacks.

I hate cars, I let the bus/train take the strain.

BritFish · 04/04/2010 00:50

woah, i left after i posted this.
didnt realise i was being so unreasonable, i just found the way her daughter talked about it, the frustration/anger was clear there.
i will read through all messages tomorrow so not to be rude.
i obviously dont understand, i hate it but its definately not a fear.
thanks for so many replies though!

OP posts:
scoutliam · 04/04/2010 00:55

I find someone who is so judgmental and narrow minded to be, well, quite worrying.

Perhaps getting out more would help?

TheCrackFox · 04/04/2010 01:04

"....i just found the way her daughter talked about it, the frustration/anger was clear there"

She has clearly had a far too easy childhood if this is the biggest beef she has with her mum.

YABU

Quite frankly i am surprised that you think it is any of your business.

BritFish · 04/04/2010 01:07

just skimmed through the posts.

i wasnt quizzing her about her mother, she said her mother doesnt drive on motorways and i asked why. i was casually asking, not sitting there 'digging' for information. its called having a conversation with someone? she asked me about an accident i was involved in later on, was she 'digging'?

i dont think she was being horrible either, she made it pretty clear her mother just wouldnt, if she had a phobia, this girl would have said so, trust me. no beating about the bush with this one [i do like her!]

and i did actually offer to take them, thanks.

and im assuming her friends are perfectly able to navigate the walk, they just found it a bit daunting as none of them have been to that area before and worried they might lose their bearings, dont really get why someone had a problem with that?

of course i wouldnt judge her if she had had a big accident or whatever, because thats understandable.

and by the way, im not judging her, im judging her actions. and im not even doing that! i hate how on AIBU people act as if your post is something you've posted after days of deeping thinking/judging.
it was literally a quick post to see peoples thoughts as i was going out!

maybe i am being unreasonable, as i dont know enough about this woman [have met her once, she seemed lovely, but dont know enough obviously]
its just her daughter made it clear it wasnt a phobia or stress from a previous accident, so i think i was right to be a bit quizzical about it!

i understand its perfectly reasonable to hate motorways, but to actually cause arguments with it? and refuse point blank?

OP posts:
TheCrackFox · 04/04/2010 01:15

Well, if she is at college she is either an adult or practically an adult so it is a bit pathetic to expect people to ferry her about all the time.

BritFish · 04/04/2010 01:41

its not any of my buisness??
no, its not, if you discuss your friends new cat with another friend, should you mind your own buisness?
dont REALLY get how you think im making it my buisness, i didnt react negatively to this information in from of my DS's girlfriend or my DS, i came to an online forum because i was interested in other people's thoughts.

and crackfox, where does it say that my sons girlfriend expects people to ferry her about all the time?
she wasnt fussed that her mum wasnt taking her, i was the one who asked if there was anyone who could take her, and then i offered and she declined...
not really sure where you've got this assumption from.

OP posts:
gtamom · 04/04/2010 04:21

My ds's gf's father is a nervous driver and he does not drive on highways, ever. He is in his late 60's and a teacher. It is not only women.

MadamDeathstare · 04/04/2010 04:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sarah293 · 04/04/2010 08:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

plimsolls · 04/04/2010 11:06

mitochondria ah, the joys of the endless repetition of: coppins bridge, 1 minute stretch of dual carriageway, round the B&Q roundabout,back down the dual carriageway, into coppins bridge, and repeat ad infinitium....

MintHumbug · 04/04/2010 11:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mollybob · 04/04/2010 11:27

I don't drive on motorways any more - I have driven up and down England and Scotland on motorways in the past since I passed my test 15 years ago. But I started, for no reason getting panic attacks with blue signs a few years ago. Funnily enough my brother has exactly the same phobia and it is quite common. I am busy dealing with daily life - work, raising 2 kids and pregnant with DC3 so haven't the time to go for CBT for this phobia just now but I will do when I have more time. I happily drive in areas I don't know and drive a bit with work around town. If I need to cross town or go further afield I work out a route that avoids motorways and leave myself more time.

So YABU IMHO

mayorquimby · 04/04/2010 11:33

A bit of sympathy for the OP on this one. I'd be worried about someone driving in general if they don't think they can handle motorways. It would indicate to me that they aren't competent drivers in general.

MillyR · 04/04/2010 11:34

This thread is a perfect example of how car use has made people incapable of doing perfectly ordinary and straightforward things.

If the train station is 30 mins from the theme park and you do not know the area you can:

  1. Look up bus times to the theme park on the internet before you leave.
  2. Print out a map and walk.
  3. Get in a taxi.
  4. Ask directions at the train station and walk.
sarah293 · 04/04/2010 11:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Swipe left for the next trending thread