'...it makes me think of Baby P'

[elportodelgato]

had an awful run-in with a woman on the bus at the weekend and just wanted to check the mn consensus... was I unreasonable to completely flip out?!

Travelling on a busy bus, Sunday morning with DD (22 mo). I got her out of the buggy to sit on my knee and she was happily looking out of the window, saying hello to people, babbling to the other baby sitting nearby etc. After about 20 mins she started to get tetchy and throwing herself around so I put her back in the buggy, mainly for her safety and also she was obvs a bit tired and needed a quiet sit down. Of course, when I strapped her in she wasn't happy about it and started having a bit of a grizzle - I was studiously trying to ignore her as she often does a bit of whining when she is over-tired and it only lasts about 30 seconds before she settles down.

At this point (DD grizzling, me ignoring her)I notice an older woman about to get off the bus, very pointedly looking at me, looking at DD and tutting loudly in our direction. I was watching her and once she had done it about 4 times I caught her eye and (this was probably my mistake) asked her if she had something to say to me. She began telling me that she would never leave a child to cry like that, that I should pick her up, that it made her so upset to hear a baby crying. I said (oh dear, red mist descending at this point) 'are you telling me what to do with my child?' to which she responded 'it makes me think of Baby P'

Now was I BU to have completely lost the plot and told her to 'fuck off you fucking bitch'?? I know I was, I shouldn't have done it, esp in front of DD, but that case really really upset me (like it upset everyone) and her comparing me and my DD to that situation just made me completely lose it. I felt like getting off the bus and telling her about all the wonderful things DD and I do together, how much fun we have, and how much I love her and would never ever hurt her. As it was, I just ended up crying on the bus and then apologising to DD, poor thing just witnessing her mother swearing at a stranger in a public place.

So what would you have done? Am I a raving lunatic?

but it was such a stupid statement of hyperbole ..

how could it be taken serioiusly??

Travis Bickle

I get fed up with this notion many older people seem to have, that because they've been on the planet for x amount of years, they've earned the right to say whatever the hell they want without recrimination, no matter how inappropriate or offensive it may be.

good god

only on MN would you see an OP getting flamed for using the F word when she has just been told her behaviour towards her dd reminded someone of one of the worst high-profile cases of child abuse ever reported

if someone had said this to me with such little provocation, in public and when I was already stressed, I may well have lost my temper

OP I sympathise totally with you and think you should ignore the po-faced bandwagon crowd

my ds2 had a large unsightly birthmark on his face when he was little and some of the comments I received were unbelievably - people accusing mje of having thrown boiling water over him, people saying I shouldn't be allowed to have children - one old gent, on a train platform while my 2yo ds2 was waving excitedly at a train, smirked at me and said "He looks like he's been hit by a train"

I won't tell you how I responded as it will send all the holier-than-thou- MN Good Girls into paroxysms of shock horror

if "the elderly" are in sufficiently fine form to offer such opininons, I'm sure they can take the odd swear word. This whole "swearing at the elderly in public" issue is implying some defenceless, meek, unconfrontational elderly person being attacked without provocation which is hardly the situation here. The elderly, just like everyone else, should expect to get as good as they give!

Lulumaam - but it is not OP's fault that the woman was desperate to show her annoyance. That is the woman's look out - and when you say something like that to someone then you can't be surprised if you get a mouthful back.

If YOU made a comment like that to someone, what would you expect?

you need to learn to more calm.more composed.however provoked you felt your response was profane and ott.unfortunately being mum makes one public property and vulnerable to judgemental comments from strangers.

yes you felt goaded and provoked.but this wont be first or last time a strangegr gets your goat.the responsibility and onus to remain calm is upon you

i appreciate you felt harrassed,and provoked.maybe accept strangers can and do stick their beak in when unwarranted

i would have seethed,tutted and ignored.these situations escalate no one wins

ott? profane? the evil harpy was lucky not to get a knuckle sandwich, I don't care HOW old she was

incandescent rage and profanities hardly gives one the moral high ground.regardless of how provoked,the response was out of order

just makes one look like a bulgy eyed raver with temper issues

It does make a difference how old someone is, it just does. Old people are from a different generation, I don't mean that patronisingly I just mean they see things differently and have different views on expressing them in public. I just wouldn't be able to swear at an old lady, that's all. But then I wouldn't swear at anyone TBH.

I live in East London. The 'elderly' are just as likely to tell you to fuck off as the rest of the population.

what rot

incandescent rage for no apparent reason makes you look bonkers

incandescent rage in response to an extremely cruel and hurtful remark is different - it's the risk you run when you open your vicious mouth - it served the other woman right and was totally understandable, though not pleasant.

some of you who think you could respond with serenity to a remark like this have simply never had to expreience it

I broke a guy's toe once by stamping on his foot when he was trying to touch me up

you lot would probably be pouring scented oil on his poor injured foot and calling me a thug

Thanks, BoF, for the link. I'll watch that when I'm a bit calmer. Maybe tomorrow.

bragging about dishing out violence confirms you are bonkers

Maybe I should start a separate thread somewhere appropriate (though I'm not sure where). I'm just so angry that some responses here are about being kind to old people. As I said, being old doesn't get you a free pass. In the past, when I was young-ish, I dealt with older people, many of whom were absolutely delightful, but some were just me-me-me. Age really isn't relevant ? personality is. You only have to hang out in other areas here to realise that tutting people can be found in all areas and ages of life. Tutting people can be toxic. I'm about to get my old-age-pensioner bus pass organised. I'm now determined that if I witness such abuse of a young mother when I'm travelling I shall intervene and do the "fuck off" stuff. Presumably if I hold up my pensioner bus pass, I will be forgiven for my obscenities.

mistaking an illustrative anecdote for "bragging" makes you look deliberately obtuse and petty

I knocked some bloke out once when he tried to grab/snog me in a pub (entirely uninvited). I didn't mean to, my fists just took over. I'm quite short and skinny but I was absolutely incandescent with rage. Fortunately his friends found it amusing and thought he deserved it. I'm with you, Greensleeves.

And I really think that if older people find being sworn at beyond the pale, they had better not compare perfectly normal mothers to child abusers in public and out loud.

go go uglymug! my mum and MIL are also 60ish and would probably be up for being part of a newly formed "fuck off" brigade to protect younger mums from crazy tutting child abuse accusers!

I was brought up to respect my elders, and I do, if they earn it. Telling a struggling mum with a tantrumming child that they remind her of a child murderer would not earn my respect. As such she would get the same reaction from me as anyone else would.

embellishing a tawdry tale and denying bragging makes you look fick

embellishing? nice big word but poorly used

I don't take kindly to being called po-faced and part of a 'band-wagon crowd' (what is one of these exactly? I would have thought I would be far more bandwagon-esque if I had just nodded and joined it with the 'YANBU crowd') just because I stated I didn't think I could swear at an old person. I am not deriding the experience the OP had, merely stating that I don't think it warranted the response it got.

And for what it's worth, the comment was a horrible one to make, but it could also be taken slightly differently...I don't really think this old biddy was trying to say that she thought that the OP was torturing her child in the manner of Baby P's mother. I read it as being: "upset children remind me of Baby P" in a soft, probably slightly senile old lady way. Maybe I am being optimistic about human nature though.

love this notion if you dont advocate profanities and hissy fit that you are woolly wuss who overlooks any bad behaviour

love this notion that if you don't flame an upset OP for reacting angrily to a hurtful insult you must be a fick bulgy-eyed raver who enjoys violence

Hey, I was only reacting to be called po-faced etc and having my opinions dismissed merely because they happened to disagree with certain others. If people are going to dish out opinions and judgements they ought to be able to accept them also. Such is life, and I'll just hope not to be on a bus with some people on this thread!

Joys of AIBU eh!

(Wow, sorry for how 'passive aggressive' this post has come across!)