to want the television turned off when my daughter is in the room? Or am I completely out of control pfb about this?

[tortoiseonthehalfshell]

I honestly can't decide, and I maybe need some perspective here.

My daughter is 16 months old. My husband and I both work part time and take care of her on different days. He has her two full days (minus a 4 hour block when her Nan takes her) and another two afternoons from 4.30 to 6.30pm which is when I get home.

She doesn't go to bed till around 8.30pm.

The loungeroom is also her playroom; she's too young to play independently and that room is the one where most of her toys are, as well as the laptops, the TV, the stereo, etc. So when we're home, we're usually in there.

Now, if I had my way, this would be a TV-free household - or maybe a DVD-only household. I'm just not interested in it, and I hate the background noise. But he was raised with the telly always on in the background, watches a lot more of it, fair enough, we've been together 11 years so I knew this. So that's our starting point; significantly different attitudes towards TV.

When she was born, I said I would like to follow the guidelines that say, no TV until they're two. He shrugged. He's never said he thinks I'm wrong, it's just clear that it would be an inconvenient shift of habit for him.

Once I went back to work it became evident he wasn't going to be TV-free around her. And really, he's at home with her, I don't get to dictate the terms, I understand that.

But, AIBU to feel that he should at least be compromising here? He watches Top Gear and Mythbusters (I hate that show, it's all explosions and dummies falling to their death) and although he doesn't watch scary dramas or anything, I think it's a couple of hours a night. I come home and the TV is always on. It stays on till tea, unless I ask that it be turned off. After her bath and play in her nursery, she comes back downstairs and it's on again.

I just want him to limit it to a) when she's in bed and b) failing that, to those moments when she's difficult and he's tired and desperate for some company or a break, I know how that can be. Not just be on all the time. I hate what it could be doing to her brain, and I hate that she's growing up thinking that telly is just something that's always on and available, not something to be limited and planned for. And I'm sick of asking for it to be turned off.

Am I being totally pfb? Or is he BU?

What guidelines are you talking about?

You don't get to tell him what to do when he is taking care of her. Its his house and his kid too, imagine if he told you what you could or couldn't do while you were taking care of her?
If its really important to you, ask him properly to compromise. But if he won't, its tough.

I wouldn't like it either, and I did let my children watch tv before two years.

It is just rubbish for an adult to watch tv in the daytime tbh.

Well I think it's a bit crap to have the TV on all the time anyway. But DH does it too I don't think it will do her too much harm though and she is his DD too.

i tried to do this with my DH and gave up after a while as he is a TV person but at least he will put it on cbeebies or nature programmes

I think you are being a bit pfb. She probably doesn't really watch it as such at that age, it's just in the background. #

(although we're a virtually TV free family, I always relished tellytubbies as I had 20 mins to get showered and dressed in peace)

Having said that I grew up with the TV on all the time, and it seems to have put me off rather than indoctinated me.

YABU. By the time you have your 2nd child you will be so grateful that the TV occupioes your first to allow you to feed the 2nd etc or grab a moments rest.

I don;t think it is fair to dictate to your dh whether or not HE has the TV on when he is in the house with your dd. If you don;t want to watch it then fine.

definately PFB I'm afraid.

OP, I don't think you are pfb. I'm on my third and TV is OFF until they are tucked up and in bed. YANBU.

Read "The Plug in Drug" by Marie Winn and feel vindicated.

IMO this has the potential to become a battle of wills between the two of you and in the grand scheme of things is a fairly minor issue (others may not agree!).

I would let it go when he is in charge and do what I wanted when I was.

Your dd will develop self control of her own. I don't limit TV at all and both my dc will watch for a bit /not watch for a bit.

My younger child hardly watches it all and it has been available to him since birth.

You are being pretty PFB-ish, yes.

Background TV - as long as it isn't a) endless and b) anything a small child might find disturbing - isn't going to damage your child.

The 'ban everything that might taint my precious one' attitude is unsustainable in the long term, I'm afraid.

i really don't think it's the end of the world if she watches a bit of TV.
think it's very PFB, sorry.

I wouldn't be happy about having adult TV on while the children are around but then my DH would never put it on during the day so it's never been an issue. I have three kids and they only watch cBeebiess and the occasional DVD so I don't think it's just a pfb thing.

Perhaps as a compromise your DD could go to bed a little earlier? Then your DH would have more of an evening and more time to watch his own stuff in.

Do they not have that guideline in the UK? Both the AAP (American Academy of Paediatrics) and the Australian equivalent recommend that children under two should not be exposed to television. Partly that's about encouraging free play and exercise and whatnot. There's also a lot of data suggesting that it can have a harmful effect on the neural pathways of a young child.

I would link, but I have a computer virus on this laptop that is stopping me from following links. I know that sounds odd.

That's the thing, runnybottom: if he felt really strongly about something I did when parenting her, I think I would at least compromise it. In fact, when I was all gung-ho about BLW and he was worried about her calorie intake, we did compromise. This current argument isn't about what's best for her, even. It's about what's easier for him vs whether it's harmful for her, IYSWIM.

Oops, cross posted with loads.

You're all being very nice, I must say.

Fair point with the TV being on when they're alone in the house, but WIBU to insist that it gets turned off when I come home, at least, until bedtime?

(and believe me, staranise, we keep trying to move bedtime forward. DST finishes here next weekend, I have high hopes).

The only thing I like on when my children are in the room is CBeebies. I don't want to scare them. My DD believes everything on tv is real and talks and waves to them. So I try to be selective but my kids are very young still.

In fairness I may have it on too much myself, as with 2 very young children and now a lone parent, it's the only way I get anything done half the time

I think providing your hubby does play with the baby and interact with them most of the time, I'd cut him a little slack. As long as he's not ignoring them all the time or playing anything that may scare them.

I think you are so Not BU! I hate the TV as background noise. I dislike going into peoples' houses and they have the TV on in the background, so effing rude!

However it's your dh, you knew what he was like when you married him so not sure what to suggest without a massive argument. Sorry not much help just wanted to know that I don't think you;re PFB. I have 2 LOs still at home and we have a no TV rule during the week and a couple of hours at the weekend.

Another one to think you are being a bit PFB. Though having said that I have some sympathy about not wanting the TV on all the time. My BIL has a huge flat screen TV and whenever you are there it is always on. I mean always. Even if noone is watching the TV it is still on in the background. Often you see their 3yo mesmerised by it.

If your DH is watching stuff like Top Gear (cracking programme!) I don't suppose your 16 month old DD will be taking much notice anyway.

We did have TV on a bit when our DD was small and TBH she paid it no attention whatsoever until one day when she was 18mo and Tellytubbies came on. Like mumblechum I then was grateful for the occasional respite Tellytubbies gave us. Especially when they had the Sunday morning omnibus at 7am as it meant we could have about 40 minutes to wake up peacefully with a cup of coffee while DD got her weekly fix. (Come to think of it that was how we heard Diana had died - sitting there wondering why tellytubbies was late..)

I'm with you, no TV under 2 for DD but in fairness was easy for me as I didn't want it on in the day anyhow.

I am a TV person. It's on a lot of the time when we're at home. If DH tried to tell me not to put it on I'd be very annoyed. I turn it off if I feel it's been on for too long, I take DS out, I play with him. He ignores the TV unless it's Cbeebies and they are singing songs, in which case he dances along.
DH doesn't watch TV, and they have no TV at nursery, so it's not as if he's watching it constantly.
I think you need to back off actually. DH obviously cares about her just as much as you do and unless he's completely rubbish and never interacts with her I don't think you have a problem.

DS didn't watch much television until not long before DD was born (22 month age gap). I'm not that keen on television and don't watch it much. I remember getting him some DVDs when very pregnant and wondering what he would think of them. DD has veen rather more raised on television and I'm still not happy with it but don't think it is terrible.

DS is 6 and DD 4 now and while they are awake there is CBeebies, occasionally some sport (winter olympics -I managed to sneak it in) and he sometimes watches TopGear. He watched the programme with James May making a house out of Lego abd loved it

I wouldn't like the programmes your DH has on when your DD is there, but I doubt they are harming her.

The guidelines about television being not ideal for under 2s do exist here, but I doubt many people use them.

It's harmful?? oh goodness. I hope I haven't damaged my DS.

Having said that, I know I was allowed to watch tv in limited amounts from early on as my sister was much older. I have a master's degree now... must not have affected me too much!

we let our ds (17 months) watch in the night garden and some other cbeebies stuff. It's not on all the time, that would make me unhappy, but sometimes is ok and not for an hour or anything long... and he doesn't sit and watch it. He just dances to the music and then plays... but, I don't think I'd want mythbusters and top gear on during the little time it is on, either, unless he was in bed.

Ds could play independently from quite early on - what do you mean she can't play independently? Not criticising, just wondering what you mean.

A friend of mine always had her TV on in the background. Both her kids suffered from poor concentration spans. Anecdotal, I know.

When my own dd was having speech therapy, one of the general guidelines was not having TV on, so kids can hear clearly.

Hate TV like that, personally. Watch it or don't!