to want the television turned off when my daughter is in the room? Or am I completely out of control pfb about this?

[tortoiseonthehalfshell]

I honestly can't decide, and I maybe need some perspective here.

My daughter is 16 months old. My husband and I both work part time and take care of her on different days. He has her two full days (minus a 4 hour block when her Nan takes her) and another two afternoons from 4.30 to 6.30pm which is when I get home.

She doesn't go to bed till around 8.30pm.

The loungeroom is also her playroom; she's too young to play independently and that room is the one where most of her toys are, as well as the laptops, the TV, the stereo, etc. So when we're home, we're usually in there.

Now, if I had my way, this would be a TV-free household - or maybe a DVD-only household. I'm just not interested in it, and I hate the background noise. But he was raised with the telly always on in the background, watches a lot more of it, fair enough, we've been together 11 years so I knew this. So that's our starting point; significantly different attitudes towards TV.

When she was born, I said I would like to follow the guidelines that say, no TV until they're two. He shrugged. He's never said he thinks I'm wrong, it's just clear that it would be an inconvenient shift of habit for him.

Once I went back to work it became evident he wasn't going to be TV-free around her. And really, he's at home with her, I don't get to dictate the terms, I understand that.

But, AIBU to feel that he should at least be compromising here? He watches Top Gear and Mythbusters (I hate that show, it's all explosions and dummies falling to their death) and although he doesn't watch scary dramas or anything, I think it's a couple of hours a night. I come home and the TV is always on. It stays on till tea, unless I ask that it be turned off. After her bath and play in her nursery, she comes back downstairs and it's on again.

I just want him to limit it to a) when she's in bed and b) failing that, to those moments when she's difficult and he's tired and desperate for some company or a break, I know how that can be. Not just be on all the time. I hate what it could be doing to her brain, and I hate that she's growing up thinking that telly is just something that's always on and available, not something to be limited and planned for. And I'm sick of asking for it to be turned off.

Am I being totally pfb? Or is he BU?

Dorisbonkers, hell I learn stuff from watching Cbeebies - that Nina and the Neuron does experiments that are way in advance of anything we did in the lab at school.
And DD has learnt more about elephants on Our Planet than she did visiting them at Twycross, for example.
Don't get me wrong, I don't buy into the Baby Einstein myths, but it is false to say children (or adults that metter) can't ever learn from the television.
I am off out now, but will try and find the research that suggested that Sesmae Street raised the literacy attainment of American children in the 1970s by at least one year above those who didn't watch it.

clemette, actually there is a lot of evidence to indicate that tv is very damaging. read that book I linked to . remotely controlled.

Dorisbonkers - have you seen programmes like 'Something Special' or similar? DS's vocabulary is huge, and many words he's coming out with atm are from the new series of SS (we exhausted the old ones).

Massively educational - if I can't understand something he's saying, he'll sign it to me. Brilliant, and great as a tantrum diffuser

Alphablocks is excellent too - 5 mins long, and brilliantly structured (though I'm not sure it's on anymore, so watching it on the cbeebies website)

Plenty of programmes are bobbins, inc baby einstein.

i think most of the arguments for and against are pretty fair so I'm on the fence. I sometimes put on In the Night Garden for my 20 month old and he loves to mimic the dancing. I don't really see the harm. I then might put on the news, but he doesn't watch it, and I do try to shield him from advertising because i hate it.

BUT i think all the good intentions here are a bit of a losing battle because within years all the little darlings will have their eyes glued to their Nintendo DS/mobile phones/whatever else comes along.

That will be a much harder battle ...

I think in the OP's situation I would want the DH to compromise. It's pretty un-edifying to see a parent goggling at the telly when they could be doing something with their kid (or in the house, or creative, or DIY, or just something) I couldn't have a lot of respect for someone doing that, personally.

I'm not against TV, Ds watches it and has since he was about 18 months but it's time limited and children's TV only. No grown up programmes.

I just think it's worth setting an example with telly; if your DH is a goggling slob, what on earth chance does the child have to not be the same, given that they all seem to have the goggling slob gene anyway at some point?!

OP - I don't think that you are being pfb at all.

I have a toddler and feel exactly like this with regard to TV. I detest background noise and find the majority of baby/toddler TV quite dire.

Now that he is older (2.2), we watch a few recorded programmes. He loves the Gruffalo and this is really a great production. We also watch a few wildlife documentaries and a few DVDs from his favourite books. Thats about it.

My toddler was playing in his own playroom by 16 months (with me). This was ideal for us as we had our lounge back and he had his own room (open plan layout). Our TV goes on after he is in bed.

I don't think YABU. The question is does your DP interact with your DD when the telly is on in the background? but there's not a lot you can do if you're not there. Does your DH take her out to the park, playgroup,swimming, shops or are they in all day with the TV on. If so then its not all telly which wouldn't be as bad.

Reup, perhaps if you HAD read the thread you'd have seen that I clarified that remark as meaning that she can't, and won't, play in a separate room yet, and thus if her parent is watching TV, that's where she is.

I suppose I'm doing well if I only take issue with two posts in 132, though. redwhiteandblue, my husband is not a slob. He's a hardworking, conscientious bloke who prefers TV to reading when he wants to relax.

DS2 loves and I mean LOVES steptoe and son, he asks to watch it day or night time when ever he wants. And laughs at all the right bits.....I am to blame for that as when he was teeny tiny and we coslept i would go to bed very early and watch it. Now its not just Steptoe and Son its
"bed now daddy watch my depdoe"

he is 2

DS1 has a tv in his bedroom he can watch if he wants but rarely does.

Am I the only person who truly loves having the DC play in any part of the house which is not dangerous for them???

Though I am not very interested in television and don't watch very much of it myself, I am always a bit irritated by people who hate television and want to ban their DC from watching it. It's all a bit horsehair tampon and cold showers (and this stuff about Television will Eeeeeat your Brraaaaaaiiins a ludicrous load of old bollocks) to insist that no one pick up a copy of the Radio Times near your PFB in case s/he gets contaminated.

I let Dd watch TV all the time...

We were in Ikea last year when Dd was 2.6 and she saw a froggy blanket with paws/fingers(?)on it and I was completely astonished when she picked up the paws and counted the fingers to ten. In Spanish. Good old Dora the Explora. She's also spouting Chinese words courtesy of Ni Hao Kai Lin...
It's not all bad IMO.

I don't think you are being unreasonable to dislike the TV being on. But I think that you have to accept that a fair bit of that is your personal preference (I feel the same way), I would suspect that it's your irritation that is the biggest factor. If it's only a couple of hours a day then no I really don't think your dd is being significantly damaged, unless she has some significant S&L delay, or is getting very little other interaction (unlikely from what you say). In any case I really doubt you are going to gt your dh to change his habits just by going on about it if he is actively enjoying his viewing (ie it is not just background to him). However I suspect that within a few months your dd will have her own strong views on what she finds acceptable to watch, so it may well be that his days of watching TV of his choice are probably fairly limited.

Personally I would agree with others that 8.30 is a late bedtime, and that being consistently grumpy and clingy in the morning might well be a sign of tiredness (I'm not a morning person either, but if I don't get enough sleep then I am very grumpy in the morning, but recover in the evening - when I get enough sleep my temperament is much more even). I'm also not keen on the going to sleep with a bottle on the lap approach, but then by the time ds was 16mths we also had dd, so having some quiet adult time became totally essential). However if it generally works for you then I think you might need to think about doing something different in the evening that is more child centred - it might be easier to say "lets do this new thing" rather than just "please turn off the bloody TV because I can't stand it and it's not good for the baby" IYSWIM.

Ernest the Bavarian, the book acknowledges that "The good news is that many of the ills and consequences attributed to television can be dramatically reduced or eliminated by simply controlling how much and what type of television programmes we watch. (Page 260)"
Sigman is on record as being positive about CBeebies and the American equivalent.

Generally his arguments don't stand up to scrutiny; he says TV causes obesity, TV causes depression, TV causes ADHD and that television causes half of all violent crime. But he has no control group to compare it to - it has not conducted a controlled case study etc etc. In short his book is opinion, not science. Although I normally dismiss the idea that "it did me no harm so it must be OK" I was a teacher for long enough to see no correlation between the amount of TV watched and a child's abilities. I also watched a great deal of television in my youth (and none of it educational) yet I don't suffer from anything Sigmund say I should do.
What matters is how much a parent/carer talks to their children about what they are watching ... or just talks to them generally.

Sorry tortoise, meant to put a {smile} to show I was joking

I am sure he's a super chap but adult telly on all the time in front of dcs is imo quite different to an hour a day of cbeebies

Cheers, redwhiteandblue. I am enormously proud and fond of my husband, think he's the bees knees despite his crap taste in telly, so I may get a leeetle overprotective from time to time.

hmmm I wouldn't be happy.
My dd watches tv, but I hate the idea of tv constantly on in the background, imo thats a lot worse than a child sitting watching a programme, it doesn't give them a chance to learn how to concentrate on anything if theres a constant stream of noise and pictures on.
If someone's alone with a baby / small child I can understand kids tv being on to give the adult some space to get something done/drink a cup of tea but watching adult tv once you're past the sitting on the sofa feeding all day stage is a bit odd, imo....

clemette, I don't know enough about it tbh, and am only half way through ch 1. But it is scary reading and he has got ref to lots of studies citing lots of scary stuff. Like you rightly say, there are no control groups - cos everyone's at it!

Like you also rightly said, 1 epidose of Int he night garden or whatever isn't going to do any harm. But the problem is little kids don't stay little and progress onto bigger, faster more..

And the OP was talking about adult stuff being on, not cbeebies. And also about her dh not limiting the amount of tv.

Whether the book is scare mongering or not, I don't think it's nec wise to dismiss it out of hand. Each to their own I suppose. But it wouldn't do anyone at any age any harm to watch less

YANBU. there's plenty of evidence that it's harmful for babies and very small children to watch tv, and especially for TV to be on as background noise. I would look up the evidence (various internet sites, plus Toxic Childhood by Sue Palmer) and present it to your husband.

We got rid of our tv license a couple of years ago and it's been brill. We still watch tv on iplayer and have a wire connecting tv to computer so it looks like normal tv. But it's a bit more of a faff and certainly limits the amount of crap you watch (no one looks through a whole month's worth of available tv programmes and then chooses to watch Bargain Hunt...) Also ideal as I get control of what dcs watch and more importantly no exposure to adverts

you dh is a lazy arse glued to sofa tv blaring

If you watch iplayer without a tv licence you are breaking the law!

My DDs watch a reasonable amount of TV but it is very varied and I like getting them interested in different things. Mythbusters is great! Shows them science can be fun and interesting. Strangely they both love How Clean Is Your House! And my 8yo loves Snog Marry Avoid.
Most of the stuff on CBeebies is goody-goody bland claptrap (please let me punch that I Can Cook woman in the neck). However Something Special is still great.

I have never read such a load of twaddle in my entire life. To tell your husband he can't have the TV on when he wants to is controlling to the extreme. Some people seem to go totally tonto when they have children.