to want the television turned off when my daughter is in the room? Or am I completely out of control pfb about this?

[tortoiseonthehalfshell]

I honestly can't decide, and I maybe need some perspective here.

My daughter is 16 months old. My husband and I both work part time and take care of her on different days. He has her two full days (minus a 4 hour block when her Nan takes her) and another two afternoons from 4.30 to 6.30pm which is when I get home.

She doesn't go to bed till around 8.30pm.

The loungeroom is also her playroom; she's too young to play independently and that room is the one where most of her toys are, as well as the laptops, the TV, the stereo, etc. So when we're home, we're usually in there.

Now, if I had my way, this would be a TV-free household - or maybe a DVD-only household. I'm just not interested in it, and I hate the background noise. But he was raised with the telly always on in the background, watches a lot more of it, fair enough, we've been together 11 years so I knew this. So that's our starting point; significantly different attitudes towards TV.

When she was born, I said I would like to follow the guidelines that say, no TV until they're two. He shrugged. He's never said he thinks I'm wrong, it's just clear that it would be an inconvenient shift of habit for him.

Once I went back to work it became evident he wasn't going to be TV-free around her. And really, he's at home with her, I don't get to dictate the terms, I understand that.

But, AIBU to feel that he should at least be compromising here? He watches Top Gear and Mythbusters (I hate that show, it's all explosions and dummies falling to their death) and although he doesn't watch scary dramas or anything, I think it's a couple of hours a night. I come home and the TV is always on. It stays on till tea, unless I ask that it be turned off. After her bath and play in her nursery, she comes back downstairs and it's on again.

I just want him to limit it to a) when she's in bed and b) failing that, to those moments when she's difficult and he's tired and desperate for some company or a break, I know how that can be. Not just be on all the time. I hate what it could be doing to her brain, and I hate that she's growing up thinking that telly is just something that's always on and available, not something to be limited and planned for. And I'm sick of asking for it to be turned off.

Am I being totally pfb? Or is he BU?

The Op wants some perspective, right? Then the real issue here is a 16 month-old child not getting to bed before 8.30.

OP, I think you would find the book "Remotely Controlled" by Aric Sigmund very interesting.

It is about the harmful effects of TV on us all, but especially children.

Echt you have said what I was tip toeing around.

If my 6 year old had an 8.30 bedtime she would be Hannibal lecter the next day

DD doesn't get adult TV...once she could work out what was going on she found it stressful especially if people argued or shouted. She would burst into tears.

Mind you, at that age, she was in bed at 6pm so we never had the issue with evening TV.

It probably is a bad idea to over stimulate her at that time of night, it unsettles the brain and makes it harder to settle for the night.

If it upsets you that much and he doesn't care, don't have her downstairs. Or ask him to watch in another room where she isn't.

What on earth is wrong with a 8.30pm bedtime?

So long as a child is getting enough sleep, I can't see what difference in makes whether they go to bed at 5pm or midnight.

Agree. My dcs went to bed at 8.30 when they were 18 months. That's because they were having naps in the daytime. When they gave up naps, they had to start going to bed earlier.

YADNBU

I wonder why people think 8.30 is a late bedtime?
DD(14m) wakes up at 7-8am, has a 2 hour nap at 1pm and goes to bed at 8. She's just not sleepy before.
OP-YANBU but I also think that if your dd gets enough time with you and your dh then the backround noise is not going to do much harm. It's when you put your child in front of cbeebies for 5 hours a day that you are potentially creating a problem.

Gosh, what a wonderful range of views. I was trying to respond to people individually, but I've given up.

Bedtime: she's always been a night owl, since birth, we didn't encourage it exactly, but it does have benefits to us that outweigh this issue. The main one being that I don't get home till 6.30pm and I don't think I'd be alright with not seeing her for a good chunk of time every evening.

TV isn't on permanently, but I would guess he switches it on by around 4pm, and it stays on after that.

It's interesting, this division between adult and children's television; she is at least partially oblivious to the adult TV (especially when he's watching some program about investments - yawn) and only watches it in short bursts. The few times he's put on CBeebies, she has been slackjawed glued to the screen mesmerised. He said it was a bit disturbing, tbh. So there's pros and cons.

TV after her bath doesn't always happen. There's always a good chunk of (nudey) playtime in her room, and sometimes bed follows straight afterwards. It's only if she's really not tired that we let her run around some more; and then the TV ends up back on . A complicating factor is the fact that currently, he does the bedtime, which involves letting her lie still and quiet on his lap with a bottle till she drops off. And he likes to watch TV while that's happening, not sequester himself in her room where it's boring and dark.

Anyway. Happy to be considered BU. Just wish he'd meet me partway. Far from 'forbidding' TV like someone said upthread, it's more that as soon as I conceded the battle (no TV) I lost the entire war (any limitations on TV at all). So to speak

I felt that there is an element of control freakery about your persona. Hmmm I have my good friend Derek Acorah here and he has looked at your photo and has seen your aura,red and a lot of black. Derek feels it could point to 2 things a) your insatiable desire to control your environment and all those around you. And b) you have a very high risk of (well there is no way of phrasing this delicately) SPONTANEOUSLY COMBUSTING!![shock} I am sending Derek and the "Most Haunted" team around to your place ASAP in the meantime run yourself a relaxing Radox bath and take a couple of Beta Blockers.

Never, I suspect you have fallen foul of the common syndrome known as 'thinking you are funnier than you actually are'.

and now Iam very I was only trying to help! You have made me look a complete to the lovely ladies of Mnet!

"It is just rubbish for an adult to watch tv in the daytime tbh"

Is it? Why? That's very judgemental.

I like to watch TV during the day when I have nothing left to do around the house. Dd is 20 mths & the lounge is her playroom too.

I don't see the problem, it isn't like I am ignoring her, as most of the time I am on the floor playing with her/watching. And she rarely takes any notice of it. Although it is a life saver while I am preparing dinner & dd1 is in her room doing homework.

Somebody had to say it, Tortoise

I dont think tortoises like hearing home truths

Well, obviously we don't. This is why we have SHELLS. To deflect the poisoned arrows of truthiness. Otherwise I would be called Slugonthecompletelyexposedpatio, wouldn't I?

tortoise, I see where you'e coming from. sorry not read it all. Does your dh know why you feel so strongly? Maybe buy and get him to read eg this book?

Do you think that instead of keep mentioning it, maybe try to have an official meeting, so prepare in advance & add other issues to the list ( you & dh add agenda items) like bed time, food and non dd issues too maybe, like going out etc.

Good luck. I feel your frustration in the line "Far from 'forbidding' TV like someone said upthread, it's more that as soon as I conceded the battle (no TV) I lost the entire war (any limitations on TV at all)."

Its a bit scary wading into this one having read the most recent post (poor Never!) but I will say, Tortoise, I think you are laying down too many rules and conditions. I had to read your OP twice before I understood exactly what you did and didn't want. Its your DH's house and DD too. I don't think a bit of background TV ruins a child if they have one to one adult company at the smae time and plenty of interaction, which it sounds like your DD does.

Besides which, Cbeebies is largely educational, has no adverts and getting to know the charcters such as Mr Tumble and Charlie and Lola makes it all a bit of harmless fun.

what guidelines????

take a chill pill, some TV does no harm

sorry ANGRY

why is 8.30 too late for bed???? DC sleep 9pm to 8am, means I can see them in the eveniNgs after a hard day at the coalface

sorry but this english thing of early bed REALLY FUCKS ME OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

yes
out of control pfb ish imo