to want the television turned off when my daughter is in the room? Or am I completely out of control pfb about this?

[tortoiseonthehalfshell]

I honestly can't decide, and I maybe need some perspective here.

My daughter is 16 months old. My husband and I both work part time and take care of her on different days. He has her two full days (minus a 4 hour block when her Nan takes her) and another two afternoons from 4.30 to 6.30pm which is when I get home.

She doesn't go to bed till around 8.30pm.

The loungeroom is also her playroom; she's too young to play independently and that room is the one where most of her toys are, as well as the laptops, the TV, the stereo, etc. So when we're home, we're usually in there.

Now, if I had my way, this would be a TV-free household - or maybe a DVD-only household. I'm just not interested in it, and I hate the background noise. But he was raised with the telly always on in the background, watches a lot more of it, fair enough, we've been together 11 years so I knew this. So that's our starting point; significantly different attitudes towards TV.

When she was born, I said I would like to follow the guidelines that say, no TV until they're two. He shrugged. He's never said he thinks I'm wrong, it's just clear that it would be an inconvenient shift of habit for him.

Once I went back to work it became evident he wasn't going to be TV-free around her. And really, he's at home with her, I don't get to dictate the terms, I understand that.

But, AIBU to feel that he should at least be compromising here? He watches Top Gear and Mythbusters (I hate that show, it's all explosions and dummies falling to their death) and although he doesn't watch scary dramas or anything, I think it's a couple of hours a night. I come home and the TV is always on. It stays on till tea, unless I ask that it be turned off. After her bath and play in her nursery, she comes back downstairs and it's on again.

I just want him to limit it to a) when she's in bed and b) failing that, to those moments when she's difficult and he's tired and desperate for some company or a break, I know how that can be. Not just be on all the time. I hate what it could be doing to her brain, and I hate that she's growing up thinking that telly is just something that's always on and available, not something to be limited and planned for. And I'm sick of asking for it to be turned off.

Am I being totally pfb? Or is he BU?

YANBU

Sorry but TV is rubbish, just my opinion I know but I think I stands scrutiny.

Remember TV is not about programs, It is about getting you to watch adverts.

I think YABU, I wouldn't like my dh to tell me what to do in the house whilst taking care of my dc, unless I was doing some kind of harm to them, and I personally think that the television is not as demonic as some people like to think, so long as the content is suitable. My dd maybe watches an hour tops a day, but ds enjoys watches a fair bit, and he is a bright, articulate child who balances it with plenty of fresh air and exercise. I think it's just yet another thing for parents to get smug and pious about. IMHO.

As an aside, I also hate the smuggery regarding bedtimes, what on earth is wrong with 8.30? Children aren't mini clones of one another, they have different needs; ds was a monster past 5.30 when he was a toddler, so he did have to go to bed at 6.30, conversely dd is lovely, pleasant company right up until her bedtime at 8.00/8.30, so why put her to bed early so she can wake us all up at 5.00 in the morning? Surely it's the actual hours slept rather than the bedtimes? Early bedtimes don't win you parent prizes, especially when it's often the same parents who moan about their dc waking too early

My daughter is at her best in the late evening, actually. It's the best time of the day for all of us. Grumpy and clingy in the morning, happy and independent in the evening. It's unusual, but very handy for being able to continue some semblance of an adult social life.

Really interested that this has such a range of responses. Must mean that both my husband and I are right, at least in someone's eyes. Thanks for all the input.

secondcoming has been really odd lately, stalking me on the threads and dangling her
"belle lettuistic grace notes" so provocatively in front of my person. I love it when she is so riled up as her indignation and anger makes her sooooooooooo FOXY! "Foxy Foxy ladeeee, Foxy Foy ladeee....."

Haven't read the whole thread but YANBU. I wouldn't like it either. That much TV watching is just not healthy for anyone. Your dh is a grown man so he can do as he watches, but not with the dd. He should watch once she's in bed and it doesn't affect her.

FWIW my dh is a total TV addict too. That's all he does of an evening after work until he goes to sleep. He agrees that it's a complete waste of time and wishes he had some more useful interests.

do as he PLEASES I mean.

I hang my head in shame, I distinctly remember sitting my 6 mo pfb in front of the tv in her car seat so that I could lug all the shopping in from the car parked on the road

it was the only way to stop her screaming

haven't read the entire thread, but YANBU.

I watched a lot of TV when DS was tiny (law and order/ER/House etc) during that constant feed/sleep/change stage, but once he got more aware of his surroundings and could see past his own fingers, TV was much more restricted. Now he's 2.4, if the TV is on then he is watching age-appropriate TV. He's almost never seen adverts either (thank you, PVR)

Isn't on otherwise.

I don't think you can dictate what he does when he's looking after her, but at the same time, can you point out that her language is developing all the time, and having constant background noise is not going to do anything to help her (whereas watching something appropriate like Something Special might do)

Aviatrix, as a I mentioned earlier, the AAP guidelines are about children watching adult TV, not about watching specifically targetted programming.
Tinnitus, there are no adverts on CBeebies!

It is each to their own of course, but I do get a bit irritated when people assume that parents who allow their children to watch television are doing so because they are lazy. Both of mine have their favourite programmes which they REALLY like and then the TV goes off. If you don't want your children to watch TV that is fine, but please, with not a shred of eveidence, stop telling me that allowing mine to watch high quality, educational, children's progamming is damaging...

So BBC out put is just there to make you watch adverts? Despite the fact it is funded through the licence fee really??? can't help thinking much of the research regarding the damaging affects of tv are based on American models - the situation is different here - I can have r4 on all day and cbeebies on tv w/out any adverts ... I think tv should be limited and we should all go out and do something more interesting instead etc but it is not all the devils work.

That said I do love this song television the drug of a nation!

yanbu

Your dh is a slob

Tell him to read a book or a newspaper or go online if he wants a break from childcare

Total difference imo between letting a child watch a bit of cbeebies and having them play with constant background noise, including as OP said stuff with violent explosions

Quite right, cbeebies is free of commercials, and DD1 watched it plenty, (DD" is still only 3 months.)

But consider this, a good friend of mine works freelance composing and recording music for TV and film. due to the nature of his work he is involved from the start. He told me that the BBC more that any other broadcaster start planing their children's output after they have designed the line of merchandise.

So now tell me there are no adverts on cbeebies?

I don't care about the advertising, although my baby is little.

But you can't really pay attention to a baby AND watch Dave out the corner of your eye. I once caught my husband with TopGear on (a rare hangover day) and he kept getting distracted even though it 'was only on in the background'

A book isn't quite as attention-sapping as TV.

Plus I don't like children's TV either for toddlers. The world unfolds in an unnatural, hyperreal way and they can't control it. They learn nothing from it and anyone who thinks they do is kidding themselves.

Research demonstrates kids learn in the real world, not from Baby Einstein et al.

Strangely I find Reading much more attention sapping than listening to radio or watching tv unless I don't like the book. If I am completely into it a book totally absorbs me.

I haven't read the whole thread just the OP and am not going to enter the whole tv debate but I have to disagree with the op saying
"she's too young to play independently" at 16 months. They are never to young to play independently. That's very pfb! I did it with my first and he is still awful at entertaining himself. My second who got far less attention is great at playing by himself.

Tortoise YANBU

You can only have control if you are looking after her-if other people are doing it then you have to let them do it their way-unless you are paying them. DH is an equal parent.