to not want DP to go in a lapdancing club on his mates stag do?

[mummee09v]

my dp is off on a stag night in a couple of months. its just a load of mates going out in town but there has been talk about them going in lapdancing bars.

i have laughed it off to my dp and tried to be the cool girlfriend about it and made out i couldnt care less as i dont want to seem controlling or jealous. i have even said i dont care if he has a private dance! because i want to come across as cool, as i know his ex used to stop him doing things and i dont want to be like that as he really resented her for it.

but i HATE the idea of it and know i will be furious if he does end up in one. the thought of him ogling some naked girl/s who will probably be a)younger then me b)prettier than me and c)have a better body than me (i have had 2 kids, say no more) kills me....i know that it would only be a laugh for them and nothing would happen other than them looking at the girls but i would be so jealous, coz how could he not compare their young fit bodies to my 30 year old, had-2-kids body?

so i am kind of testing him in a way by saying i dont care, and "allowing" him to go in one, but surely if he loved and fancied me as much as he says he does he wouldnt need to go look at sexy young girls?

also the stag's bride is my best friend (in fact i will be on her hen do the same night) and i know for a fact she would go nuts if she found out her husband to be had been in one as we have already spoken about it and she has the same insecurities as me.

There is no way I would find Chippendales remotely entertaining either, but to try and draw a parallel with them is spurious, tbh.

The truth is that we don't live in a culture where women routinely pay for sex with men who feel that they have little opportunity for advancement in the world unless they sell their bodies, so a male stripping act will more realistically remain in the realm of comedy rather than exploitation.

Lapdancing clubs are just the thin end of the wedge of prostitution, and reinforce the idea that woman are objects to be bought and sold. It demeans the women who do it, and by extention, all of us. Tacky, grim, and disrespectful...yet if you speak out about it, you are often dismissed as a prude.

I agree that the OP is being manipulated to think she can't say how she really feels.

I'm with AF on this one.

FWIW I went to one many moons ago and it was far from glamorous. To be frank, it was grotty and tasteless and the women were not exactly stunning.

In fact, some of them were comparable to what is commonly known as a munter!

We had a few of our lovely ladies leave our office en masse recently. Really rather sad. (petty cash was involved, and then the press got wind, it was all terribly messy really!) I believe they are all working in these kinds of clubs now just to make ends meet.

YANBU to not want him going. If it happened that my dh wanted to go to one I'd have a very low opinion of him. Cheap and nasty are the words that spring to my mind.

That post of Alouiseg's up there is repulsive. Can't think of anything more degrading than having a partner who gets turned on by a lapdancer and then uses his wife to relieve himself. [vomit]

I sometimes wonder if some women claim to be "ok" with their men going to these things because they know their men will go anyway. So to preserve their sense of self-worth they convince themselves that they are fine with it.

I agree with AF and BitofFun's last post.

OP you have to speak to your DP and tell him how you really feel.

Yes Dittany I am thoroughly brainwashed. I have been brainwashed into being happily married for 15 years to a funny, kind, handsome, honest, hard working, supportive husband. He must be an utter bastard

I wouldn't care for it must either. Because I find the concept degrading for the women and for the punters. But I wouldn't feel insecure about it. I know he fancies me a great deal more than I have any right to expect at my age!

Unless you think he is going to dump you for a lapdancer I really wouldn't be jealous OP.

Yuck.

Will do.

My DP has told me that from past experience it is quite awkward to be in a club with your friends ogling these women, and he found private dances embarrassing and a bit of a turn off. He thinks both the men and women are taken advantage of and he finds the whole thing a bit seedy.

However, he is going on a stag do in a few months and he presumes there will be strip clubs involved, which he isn't really happy about. I have said he may as well go in because otherwise his friends will make an even bigger deal about it, do you think that's the best thing to do?

My Rollo gave us a fine lap dance in the orangerie last night, he really is very supple. He puts it down to the callisthenics!
He does so like to please me, I am awfully proud of him, he is top of his class in British Citizenship at the mo, and I have been assured his UK passport will be here by October!

Orm- bone to pick
You do deserve to be fancied whatever age you are

Of course bronze. I think I was perhaps referring to the face we have been together forever rather than my age per so.

A couple of years ago DH and I went to one. He had never been and didn't really want to, but I wanted to go more than him to see what it was really like and we both found it quite seedy tbh.

DH is naturally quite shy and just sat red faced moaning there was no lager on tap and bottled beers were £4 each.

skip...if both of you think it is ok that people don't have a mind of their own and you are happy to be bullied into doing something you don't really want to do, then...

go for it

BOF...good post x

Dittany...I agree with you on this, as usual

ALouiseg...if you find it a turn on for your DH to use you as a human blow-up doll to relieve the erection he gets from watching fake sexual behaviour in a seedy club, then I feel sorry for you

what a number he has managed to do on you

< slow claps Mr ALouiseg >

My boss and I are in a position to BAN lap dancing Club. Boss says he can add it on as an ammendment to the "Smoking in cars Bill" any thoughts?

Nobody should tell you what you should and shouldn't do, but that doesn't mean that you go out and do whatever takes your fancy. I'd like to go out for a run every evening, but I guess social services might question me leaving three dc's alone. It's all about what is right given your circumstances and what is wrong.

I've had two dh's in my time and the first one was invited to the opening of a lap dancing club and thought I was being totally unreasonable in not wanting him to go. The second has been invited to stag do's where a lap dance is on the cards and either hasn't gone or has left early. This was his own choice and before I'd even voiced my own feelings. Needless to say I'm still married to dh No2 . My lovely dh cannot see why it would be a turn on to watch someones teenage daughter being sexual for money.

I don't think it is about worrying your DH will "dump you for a lapdancer"

I know my DH has more sense than that

It is about whether I would actually want to be married to someone who thinks this gang mentality of yelling at a young girl to get her tits out and blow off some spotty oik, is ok

because it isn't

Oh Anyfucker your italics made everything clear. He knows I find the entire thing repulsive but on the other hand I don't want him to be left out, can you see what I mean? Actually DP would rather not go on stag to at all as he doesn't even drink, but he probably should go...

Good news guys Katie Price is supporting our ban she is going to be interviewed by Martha Kearney on NNight tommorrow I have also had firm interest from Jodie Marsh, so It is all systems go really!

skip...the world will not stop turning if he doesn't go