to not want DP to go in a lapdancing club on his mates stag do?

[mummee09v]

my dp is off on a stag night in a couple of months. its just a load of mates going out in town but there has been talk about them going in lapdancing bars.

i have laughed it off to my dp and tried to be the cool girlfriend about it and made out i couldnt care less as i dont want to seem controlling or jealous. i have even said i dont care if he has a private dance! because i want to come across as cool, as i know his ex used to stop him doing things and i dont want to be like that as he really resented her for it.

but i HATE the idea of it and know i will be furious if he does end up in one. the thought of him ogling some naked girl/s who will probably be a)younger then me b)prettier than me and c)have a better body than me (i have had 2 kids, say no more) kills me....i know that it would only be a laugh for them and nothing would happen other than them looking at the girls but i would be so jealous, coz how could he not compare their young fit bodies to my 30 year old, had-2-kids body?

so i am kind of testing him in a way by saying i dont care, and "allowing" him to go in one, but surely if he loved and fancied me as much as he says he does he wouldnt need to go look at sexy young girls?

also the stag's bride is my best friend (in fact i will be on her hen do the same night) and i know for a fact she would go nuts if she found out her husband to be had been in one as we have already spoken about it and she has the same insecurities as me.

I like LeQueen. I have the same body image of myself as she does. I think I may be less of a beauty then her. But I am slim, not unattractive and scrub up very well. I don't want my dh to go to a LD. but if he said he was going, i wouldn't care. because I ma confident in my body, our relationship and the fact he loves me and wants to come home to me.
I think LeQueen and I are in the minority here. we should be the majority. shame.

More Mn women should accept themselves for what they are, have confidence in themselves and in their marriages.
Shame OP doesn't.

You're not wrong to have an opinion PP

Sex for women didn't begin and end with the whole Ladette culture either.

There just seems to be an undercurrent of finding lots of reasons to make it morally wrong but really most people just don't want these places to exist because then it doesn't have to affect their lives.

Morally it probably is dubious but it's the thin end of the wedge as far as the Sex Industry goes. At the very least the majority of the girls who work in these establishments are not being coerced, are being paid and are over the age of consent.

I would rather our energies be directed at the trafficking of children and women into the horrific mire of the sex trade. It's not discussed though because it's out of sight, not considered in the least acceptable and hopefully great groups of boyfriends and husbands won't visit these establishments on a stag night.

I don't know if you read the early, slightly more lucid part of the thread, but lots of MNs object to LD clubs on the grounds of their sexism and misogyny rather than personal insecurity. Those MNs tend to be with husbands who agree, or at least respect their dw/dp's views on the subject. This doesn't generally make the men hen-pecked eunuchs, but loving partners.

I don't know why I'm even posting on this any more, but I suppose the aim of disruptive trolls is to watch participants round on each other and rub their hands gleefully. Pulling up personal situations of posters when they haven't been offered here comes rather too close to that, imo, and should really be avoided when possible.

LD clubs make the rest of the (even worse) sex trade just a little bit easier on the eye, IMO. Thin end of the wedge. Ignoring the existance of LD clubs makes it harder to stamp out the exploitation of women and under-age girls, not easier.

agree with BoF. I am very happy with relationship, very secure re the way I look, am certainly happy for dh to notice that other attractive women exist, hell I notice other women are beautiful but I wouldn't want him to go a ld club because they are seedy and misogynistic.

Fortunately dh agrees, he's never been in one. So it's not always to do with insecurity I can't relate to the reasons the op gives.

Yes, I read and took part in the "slightly more lucid part of the thread". [hmmm] I've read, lurked and/posted on the whole thread.

You wouldn't be suggesting I'm a disruptive troll?

If a situation has been publicly posted then why should it not be mentioned? This may not be real life but it's the same group of people day in and day out. Most of us are reasonably bright and we have good memories.

Aagh this makes me mad! I am sorry, but paying for a flesh and blood female to dance naked inches from your face or even on your face is totally different to appreciating an attractive woman on the street/beach/telly whatever. The thought of my husband doing that makes my skin crawl. To me it is disgusting, and has no place in my relationship.

I am slim, young and don't scrub up too bad either (IMHO) the thought of my dh cheating on me with that kind of woman makes me laugh. I am not insecure, my relationship is rock solid and I object to those posters who think that if you have a problem with these clubs then you must be some kind of jealous insecure nagging hag.

If it wasn't because of the misogyny of these places and the general acceptance that society now has that every man is entitled to have his fill of tits and arse, and never mind the consequences, I probably wouldn't care less that these places existed and that other women don't mind that their dh's go. So why do some people have a need to think themselves and their relationships superior/stronger or whatever just because we have different boundaries as to what is acceptable in a relationship?

God you lot habe the patience of saints with Dp I salute you all for being so civil

have even!

Alouiseg- I was referring to the trolling that started once the thread had gone off-topic a bit with MrQ's golfing fetish etc etc. We have had a number of fictitious posters on this thread.

The thread you are referring to was withdrawn/deleted iirc- it doesn't sit well with me to bring it up, particularly as it contained some very personal stuff. Even if you think it is your 'right' to refer back to it, it is nonetheless unkind.

Being a woman is a terribly difficult task, since it consists principally in dealing with men. ~Joseph Conrad

I became a feminist as an alternative to becoming a masochist. ~Sally Kempton

LG...are you still here..?

I myself have never been able to find out precisely what feminism is: I only know that people call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a door mat or a prostitute. ~Rebecca West

Can I take you onto another thread..?

The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it. ~Roseanne Barr

Never let the hand you hold, hold you down. ~Author Unknown

Quick LG...yes or no..?

Men are taught to apologize for their weaknesses, women for their strengths. ~Lois Wyse