to not want DP to go in a lapdancing club on his mates stag do?

[mummee09v]

my dp is off on a stag night in a couple of months. its just a load of mates going out in town but there has been talk about them going in lapdancing bars.

i have laughed it off to my dp and tried to be the cool girlfriend about it and made out i couldnt care less as i dont want to seem controlling or jealous. i have even said i dont care if he has a private dance! because i want to come across as cool, as i know his ex used to stop him doing things and i dont want to be like that as he really resented her for it.

but i HATE the idea of it and know i will be furious if he does end up in one. the thought of him ogling some naked girl/s who will probably be a)younger then me b)prettier than me and c)have a better body than me (i have had 2 kids, say no more) kills me....i know that it would only be a laugh for them and nothing would happen other than them looking at the girls but i would be so jealous, coz how could he not compare their young fit bodies to my 30 year old, had-2-kids body?

so i am kind of testing him in a way by saying i dont care, and "allowing" him to go in one, but surely if he loved and fancied me as much as he says he does he wouldnt need to go look at sexy young girls?

also the stag's bride is my best friend (in fact i will be on her hen do the same night) and i know for a fact she would go nuts if she found out her husband to be had been in one as we have already spoken about it and she has the same insecurities as me.

As much as i would love my OH to go out more, if he really didnt want to go to a lap dancing club then i'm not about to cattle prod him out the door!

Again here is a grown up with his own mind, and if he doesnt want to go then he should grow a pair and stick to his guns!

I have just had that complete VACHE Anne Widdicombe harranguing me on this v. subjectshe is most definitely NOT infavour of a ban on these clubs and thinks the ban wil be unworkable and an affront o civil liberties (apparently Ms Chakrabat is also in agreement ). I can tell you for a fact that Ann is a major shareholder in "Spearmint Rhino" and she also has a big interest in the Restaurant/Bar chain "Hooters". I am pulling out the stops on this one ladies and then you can all make up! [bisciut] biccie anyone?

< continues to ignore NCANATPM >

YANBU I wouldn't like it and also don't get the playing 'cool girlfriend'. If more women stood up agaisnt sex clubs etc rather than tried the 'if you can't beat em join em' brigade, then there would be less clubs around hopefully and it would be seen as 'seedy' and not minimised into the norm.

precisely jelly

mummee..any thoughts ??

I would not dream of ignoring YOU AnyFucker or any other fucker come to think of it. I want to see these filthy heinous dives
conigned to history, I have a colleague H a woman who thinks it would be sexist to ban them, any thoughts?

Oh Yes and that's another thing we are lokking to ban ICELAND! I blame iton the "Kerry Katona facto.," Godawful woman! she tried to give Rollo a wedgie at the Children in Need Shindig

TYPOS sorry , it@s Rollos fault he is sitting on my lap, trying to do his utmost to distract me!

The more time I spend reading about the heterosexual relationships of women on MN, the more I

a. appreciate DH

b. hope DD grows up to become a radical feminist lesbian separatist who lives on a women's peace camp.

Hmmm....maybe these men who want to go to lap dancing clubs should be asked if they would be happy to walk into one and see their daughter/sister/wife/partner in there dancing for other men.

I WOULD BAN LAPS TOO

precisely angel

OP...where are you ?

Oooh, yes, mine too Milly! She's named after a feminist icon and I'm reading her 'Living Dolls' by Natasha Walter for a bedtime story atm, so I'm starting well! (She's 3 months old, I believe in starting early )

I don't understand why it is so wrong for partners to tell each other that they don't want them to do things.

If I wanted to pay for a bloke to wave his nob in my face (which I most certainly don't!) dh would have something to say about it. Why can't women tell their husbands they don't want them to go to a lapdancing club?

wow, i did not realise this would provoke such a massive response, thank you for all the comments, it has made really interesting reading.

just wanted to clarify though; i think some posters might have got the impression my DP "asked my permission" to go, he didn't, we were just talking about the stag do and i said, i bet *** (his mate) will want to go in lapdancing bars, and he sort of laughed about it, and i brazenly lied through my teeth said, well, i dont care if you go in one, i wouldn't even care if you had a private dance! just trying to act nonchalant. sexually, i am very adventurous (which he LOVES) so i guess i am just trying to extend that sexual open mindedness to not appearing to care if he looks at other women.

and also, the guy who's stag night it is is one of my best friends (in fact, i set him up with my friend who he is marrying) and i know all the guys who are going are decent, including my dp. So i dont believe any of them would go further than a private dance at worst.

i just want DP to know i trust him (which i do) and i am confident enough in my own attractiveness to be blase about him ogling lapdancers. (even though the latter isnt true! insecure women are a big turn off to guys and i dont want him to see me as that.

mummee...how do you feel about the fact that the bride-to-be is the only one who doesn't know this lovely jaunt is on the cards ?

dittany...do you get the feeling this whole fucking thread has been a total waste of words on a screen ?

OP...why the hell did you post this question

you have already allowed yourself to be brainwashed into being a "cool girlfriend" and you are petrified of "turning him off" by "being insecure"

why do I bother ?

mummmee, that sounds fine and reasonable - just so long as you DON'T use it as some sort of hidden test for your unsuspecting DP.

"i just want DP to know i trust him (which i do) and i am confident enough in my own attractiveness to be blase about him ogling lapdancers. (even though the latter isnt true!"
no, you want him to think you are confident enough - he can't know what isn't true. And while 'insecure' might be a turn off, 'blasé' can also suggest "don't give a rat's arse what you do" - so it wouldn't hurt to mention that you wouldn't be happy if he got too involved in proceedings.

I'm not really sure how to phrase this. I think worrying about what about you 'turns a guy on' and becoming that thing even if it isn't really you is something that is within the arena of Cosmo articles for 18 year olds.

A marriage is not based on putting on an emotional display in order to make sure your man is not turned off. A marriage is about both people knowing their partner has frailties, insecurities and worries, and still loving them.

I don't think this whole fucking thread has been a total waste of words on a screen. I haven't had much else better to do this afternoon and it has made interesting reading

mummee09OV. Surely being the "cool" girlfriend involves an element of honesty. You pretending everything is great when it clearly isn't is not cool in my opinion.