to not want DP to go in a lapdancing club on his mates stag do?

[mummee09v]

my dp is off on a stag night in a couple of months. its just a load of mates going out in town but there has been talk about them going in lapdancing bars.

i have laughed it off to my dp and tried to be the cool girlfriend about it and made out i couldnt care less as i dont want to seem controlling or jealous. i have even said i dont care if he has a private dance! because i want to come across as cool, as i know his ex used to stop him doing things and i dont want to be like that as he really resented her for it.

but i HATE the idea of it and know i will be furious if he does end up in one. the thought of him ogling some naked girl/s who will probably be a)younger then me b)prettier than me and c)have a better body than me (i have had 2 kids, say no more) kills me....i know that it would only be a laugh for them and nothing would happen other than them looking at the girls but i would be so jealous, coz how could he not compare their young fit bodies to my 30 year old, had-2-kids body?

so i am kind of testing him in a way by saying i dont care, and "allowing" him to go in one, but surely if he loved and fancied me as much as he says he does he wouldnt need to go look at sexy young girls?

also the stag's bride is my best friend (in fact i will be on her hen do the same night) and i know for a fact she would go nuts if she found out her husband to be had been in one as we have already spoken about it and she has the same insecurities as me.

i think i just dont see a problem with lapdancers that are in fact lapdancers and not being exploited or offering anything other than something to look at.

i know i like looking at attractive men, even nicer if they are dancing. if we had oodles of cash and there were lapdancing clubs here (northern ireland) then i think i would enjoy going with friends to see that. i have to say i also think the female form is far superior to the male in terms of beauty and would have no problem sitting having a drink in a lapdancing club as long as it was only dancing. anything else and i would be uncomfortable and leave.

as it is we dont have oodles of cash so for either of us to do this would be ridiculous.

jelly...thanks but no thanks

A woman taking her clothes off, dancing around a pole in high heels and shoving her backside in a blokes face is degrading. Just the same way blokes who go to watch this are pathetic.

JellyJealous- you must have been doing it a looooong time ago then- since the explosion of clubs on the high street there is way too much competition for the girls to make serious money. Often they make nowt.

I love it when dh has been to a lap dancing bar. He's turned on ready for action and has a dirty glint in his eye, it's like paying someone to to do the foreplay for you.

BUT if you don't like it tell him, he'll probably go and lie about it later. I know so many of dh's acquaintances who lie about it to their wives.

I went with dh to a couple, it is a very interesting evening, we once went with some friends whose wife was a bit disapproving but we had a great time, i'd rather get a table in a luxurious bar and be danced around by beautiful girls than stand in a grim nightclub watching the local desperado's shake their rather manky stuff.

Send him on his way with a smile on your face

jesus

DH was invited to a stag night like this a few months ago by a guy he knows through work. He didn't want to go at all (on the stag do) because he's never been interested in excessive drinking and casual sex and that appeared to be the theme of the evening.
In the end he compromised by going out for the Indian meal and then coming home before the club.
He did ask me what I thought and I said I would think less of him if he wanted to go somewhere like that but it was more of a hypothetical question as he never had any intention of going.
I know (because a couple of them told him) that some of the other men wished they were going home at that point too but he was the only one man enough to say that he didn't agree with it.
The groom still phones DH and seems to have a lot of respect for him.

Took the words out of my mouth LeQueen

JJ, I have also heard this from people who have worked in these clubs to pay uni tuition.

Good money for a quick flash of something most blokes get to see in a nightclub.

They may have been the "lucky" ones who managed to dip in then get out quickly...obviously there are women who aren't as lucky though.

I am not a fan, but wouldn't go insane if dh wanted to go to a stag party at a LD club. If he wanted to do anything like this..or gambling, heavy drinking etc on a regular basis then the marriage wouldn't last long.

OP speak to your OH, let him know how you feel. If you don't want him to go..tell him that and explain why. If you agree to him going set limits on what you feel is acceptable behaviour.

I always say, if you trust them, let them go

As UQD said, If a man/woman is going to cheat..s/he can do it easily at any pub or club, at work, online etc.

I have been out with dh and watched as willing young girls flirt with him...not pleasent..but he sends them packing and comes back to me.

He knows my acceptable limits and I know his so for me it is about communication, trust, and honesty.

I would have no fear that these girls were going to "steal my man", quite frankly they are just being used like playthings or warm-up for nasty wank fantasies so they can come home and give their wives what for..see Alouisegs charming insight into her sex life.

He sounds like an absolute prince darling

'I love it when dh has been to a lap dancing bar. He's turned on ready for action and has a dirty glint in his eye, it's like paying someone to to do the foreplay for you.'

It isn't 'like' paying someone to do the foreplay for you...it IS paying someone to do it for you.
I don't get it.

'I love it when dh has been to a lap dancing bar. He's turned on ready for action and has a dirty glint in his eye, it's like paying someone to to do the foreplay for you.'

I kinda like foreplay...a partner who rolled in at 4am, pissed and after a shag doesn't do it for me really.

If you cannot trust your partner to look but don't touch other women in any circumstance. He shouldn't be your partner.

Lighten up Ladies, never in a million years are men going to not be turned on by good looking girls giving the appearance of availability.

Imagine if OP was off to see the chippendales and her dp really didn't want her to go! You'd be baying for his blood and telling her about her rights, it works both ways.

Anyway mrspixie Good job we don't all want the same type of man isn't it! There wouldn't be enough to go round!

Alouiseg thats a little bit sad really, surely you're missing out on the best bit?
I must admit I have never been to a strip club, mostly because it just seems a bit seedy really, I wouldn't like to think that my partner would want to go or would enjoy going

Lapdancing clubs; proof if any was needed that while some men act all 'new man' and talk about how much respect they have for women, what they really think women are for is waving their tits around for them.

Alouiseg, that is just horrible.

Well i guess you've been to the wrong ones 2ndcoming . I just fail to see why women get themselves in such a state about it, unless they don't trust dp.

Dh, has just read this page of the thread and chuckled in a knowing way!!!!

Gosh! All these insecurities on one page. Someone call the neurosis police.