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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

or more am I being stupid?

176 replies

stressedatnetball · 24/03/2010 06:06

I am in a nasty situation at the moment whereby I have found myself arrested and I am currently on bail for an accusation of fraud by position because I paid for my old netball teams affiliation on my credit card and then when peoples cheques for their contribution were paid into netball teams bank account I took back money to pay off my credit card which was agreed as a team this is how it would work but one malicious woman has told the police she did not agree etc etc so as treasurer i have now been framed. I have not slept for last 10 days or so whilst all this is being investigated as even though I have done nothing wrong I feel unsettled.

I am a childminder. On monday I lost my full timer as her mum left college, Yesterday I had a lot of stress as the parents often bring sick children to me e.g. sickness & diarrhoea anyway yesterday I felt enough was enough as two children came in like that and the mother lied to me so I gave notice to all my under 5's as I can't afford to pay my assistant anymore and I just felt it was more stress but have I been stupid whilst so much else is going on in my life?

OP posts:
violetqueen · 27/03/2010 20:20

ellebing - being cautioned isn't quite the same thing as it all coming good in the end !
Hope your friend never needs a CRB or wants to go on holiday in USA or wants to teach .
But ...loving your posts ,make me feel less of a crim.
Only wish stress made me eat less rather than more ...sigh .

mumbar · 27/03/2010 20:55

Ellebing what a laugh you are!!!!!

However stressed atnetball I have astory that will hopefully cheer you up and see what jobsworth some poilceman are!!!!

About 12 yrs ago a friend and I cycled on the cycle route to the beach (bout 8 miles). When we got there we went to go along a path by the sea. It was busy so we stopped and dismounted. As we did so two fit men called us over and we thought whey hey!!!! They said they were police showed us their badges and asked our names. whoops!!! Being young and easily intimidated I asked why. I was told it was a no cycling area and I said ok fair enough but we weren't on our bikes we got off 2 meters on the path as it was busy and we didn't know and sorry. He asked for ID so gave him my student card. We were then officially cautioned. As this happened they just simply asked a man with child on the back of his bike - who was still cycling to dismount as it was a no cycling path!!!!!

The day after they rang my dad who surprised me by telling the officer what he thought - I'd told him what I've just told you - and that he hoped he enjoyed doing the paperwork as I was 18 the day after that and felt the ink wouldn't dry before they had to burn the paperwork!!!!!

The reason dad was cross???? My neighbour attacked his car while him and my bro were in it and he was banned from our street but nothing was ever done and he kept coming back until the police discovered the house he had been bailed to burnt down 3 months before he was bailed to it!!!!!

Your a good law abiding citizen these are the people persecuted by the law, are afraid of it, and don't understand it.

BUT it's the justice bit that counts and YOU will be free to live your life while this woman will eventually lose everything as people will be afraid to trust her.

Chin up and we all look forward to hearing the positive outcome.

Pikelit · 27/03/2010 20:59

There are "cautions" and "cautions", btw. One leaves you with a record, the other usually leaves you having to get off your bike!

mumbar · 27/03/2010 21:14

I WAS dismounting as we were called over - really no need for the fuss especially when the man who WAS cycling was just aked to dismount and walk!!!!!

ElleBing · 27/03/2010 23:24

ellebing - being cautioned isn't quite the same thing as it all coming good in the end !

Hmmm, pretty sure that my mate has got a clear record, but maybe wrong.

Still, I think a caution is pretty good going when you've been shitting bricks about "doing time" for six weeks.

Pikelit · 28/03/2010 00:08

A quick word about cautions. If you are innocent, never agree to accept one. It may be the "easiest thing for everyone", according to the police but you will have a criminal record. Always better to go to court if the worst comes to the worst.

mumbar · 28/03/2010 08:17

Thanks pikelit thats valuable advice - tho advice I hopefully won't need!!!! Didn't know you could refuse a caution.

violetqueen · 28/03/2010 08:59

That was exactly my mistake Pikelit .
Hopefully people read this and will avoid making it .
You're under so much pressure in a police station ,I was completely terrified and just wanted to get home .
I did everything they told me ,including "not bothering " with a solicitor " .
How could I have been so stupid !
But a caution is the same thing as admitting to being guilty .
It's not just being let off and allowed to go home with a reprimand .

ElleBing · 28/03/2010 12:44

Please keep us updated with how you get on. We're all rooting for you, I think

I am sending all of my negative vibes to that bitch woman from hell. We need an evil emoticon!

LesbianMummy1 · 28/03/2010 13:10

ElleBing I will keep you updated

Have also emailed you seperately

ElleBing · 28/03/2010 13:58

OK I will look but can you please tell me where my inbox is on this thing?

thumbwitch · 28/03/2010 14:13

mumbar (and others) - you can indeed refuse to accept a caution but the police can apparently lock you up until you do! This happened to my brother - long story, rancid ex involved and 2 young DC - anyway, he grasped her coat lapels to eject her from the house that she was barred from (by injunction) and she brought a complaint of assault against him (she is a legal type). 5 days later on the Friday eve the police came to his house and arrested him, took him down to the station (emergency call to CM required to look after 2 DC) and attempted to caution him - he refused it, they banged him up - at midnight he gave in and accepted it because he couldn't leave the CM alone with his DC any longer.

My understanding is that it went no further but it will come up on a CRB check should he ever need one.

thumbwitch · 28/03/2010 14:15

OP - sorry you are having such a shit time from a vindictive bitch - hope her DVT prevents her from having any nice holidays abroad for a long time and at least you can take some comfort that she will be on rat poison for a while

Elle - am loving all your "criminal" revelations!

LesbianMummy1 · 28/03/2010 14:28

ElleBing it will be on your emails not on here

looneytune · 28/03/2010 14:58

You poor thing, I can't believe all this is happening to you. I'm a childminder myself and know how hard it is to let parents down and I can understand with all that stress and many sicknesses before, you had just had enough!! I had a family once who lied about sickness and caused me to loose hundreds due to subsequent closures when we all got ill. I gave notice as it was very clear they would never change.

It depends on your relationship with these parents but if you all get on really well, I personally would explain what has happened so at least they will understand if you have to take last minute time off.

Last year I was on the receiving end of an awful complaint, 1 category away from me being suspended under investigation!!! It was awful and terribly stressful and I just couldn't understand who would do something like this to me and why. It really had an awful effect on me and it's nothing compared to being arrested. I think you need to do whatever you can to help you cope for now and then think about the business more once you know what's going to happen. I nearly quit from stress last year but luckily my parents were amazingly supportive, wrote letters and gave me the confidence to fight it all the way. But if I'd have not had that pick me up, I really think I would have stopped minding, I was too stressed out to cope with it all as I'm sure you have been

{{{big hugs}}} to you, I really hope the awful woman who did this gets whats coming to her (like I hope the same for whoever set me up!!)

Keep us posted won't you. xx

looneytune · 28/03/2010 14:58

You poor thing, I can't believe all this is happening to you. I'm a childminder myself and know how hard it is to let parents down and I can understand with all that stress and many sicknesses before, you had just had enough!! I had a family once who lied about sickness and caused me to loose hundreds due to subsequent closures when we all got ill. I gave notice as it was very clear they would never change.

It depends on your relationship with these parents but if you all get on really well, I personally would explain what has happened so at least they will understand if you have to take last minute time off.

Last year I was on the receiving end of an awful complaint, 1 category away from me being suspended under investigation!!! It was awful and terribly stressful and I just couldn't understand who would do something like this to me and why. It really had an awful effect on me and it's nothing compared to being arrested. I think you need to do whatever you can to help you cope for now and then think about the business more once you know what's going to happen. I nearly quit from stress last year but luckily my parents were amazingly supportive, wrote letters and gave me the confidence to fight it all the way. But if I'd have not had that pick me up, I really think I would have stopped minding, I was too stressed out to cope with it all as I'm sure you have been

{{{big hugs}}} to you, I really hope the awful woman who did this gets whats coming to her (like I hope the same for whoever set me up!!)

Keep us posted won't you. xx

brassband · 28/03/2010 18:44

I don't think you need to worry about the CM.I thought violence,paedophilia and drugs were the only crimes that would bar you from working with children.
BUT that is academic.Because you have done nothing wrong.I understand how horribly immensely stressful this time is, but you paid a bill on behalf of the club and reclaimed it later.It happens a million times a day.You have hard evidence to support your innocence and you have nothing to fear.

LesbianMummy1 · 28/03/2010 18:48

have just heard that one of my mindees will be leaving I don't know how i feel part of me feels relieved part of me seems upset I just in limbo with everything it not reality

brassband · 28/03/2010 21:21

Really, seriously listen to me lesbian mummy, nothing is going to happen.How can they possibly,possibly make a case out of this.Please do try to stop worrying.It is bloody inhumane of the police are keeping you hanging on like this.

LesbianMummy1 · 29/03/2010 07:26

hi all today feels bit better and I know nothing will happen til tomorrow I have meeting with another parent I mind for today and I will see what happens either way I know when this is all over I am gonna take this woman to the cleaners

mumbar · 29/03/2010 20:17

Hi ya, Hows today gone. Hopefully you got it all sorted but I know I and prob others would like to know how you got on so we support you.

LesbianMummy1 · 29/03/2010 21:21

feeling violently sick still no news and I have to report for bail tomorrow at 18:30 as far as I can tell the woman is still abroard so God knows what that means for me I am scared to death

brassband · 29/03/2010 22:27

I'm not sure that they need the woman.They have copies of your receipts and payments.

LesbianMummy1 · 29/03/2010 22:30

they said when i was arrested there was only one person they needed to speak to so i am presuming it is her

BelleDeChocolateFluffyBunny · 29/03/2010 22:36

I can't believe this is still going on. I would seriously consider doing something about her when the police tell you there's nothing for you to answer for, it's had a bad impact on you. Have you been for a chat with your GP? It will help any case for slander you may wish to bring as the effects will all be documented.