to tell my sister she cannot breing her 8mo baby to our Grandmothers funeral?

[BattyKoda]

She says she can't leave her for 2 days. She's travelling with us and it's too far to do it in a day. She's insistant.
It will cause havoc with travel/sleeping arrangements and will put more pressure on my DM who is finding it all hard enough as it is.

Wish my sister would do it, she has absolutley no desire to drive. Would make such a difference to her life (as it would mine, but I'm fairly central to everything)

HI Batty, I've just read through this and I wanted to say that I think you're being perfectly reasonable

As the oldest and only sister, I often get the sense that the rest of my family think it is up to me to sort stuff out, which often ends up with someone being pissed off with me...i ended up telling my mum that it was'nt my responsibility to make everyone else happy

'Hopefully though she has taken on board what I have said and regardless of whether her DP can get the time off she will do whats best all round.'

Best for you do you mean? I think you've now basically made it impossible for her to bring the baby so if her dp can't come she will either have to leave her child with someone she doesn't trust to cope or she'll miss the funeral.

I know you're grieving and I'm sure she's very exasperating - but I don't think you've covered yourself in glory here and that's a shame.

This aunt - child of the deceased is she? If so I don't understand why she doesn't need to do the extra days too?

Goodness me! You are being dictatorial!
It is up to your sister and mum to discuss this matter between themselves. It is your sister's baby and she will be in your mum's house, after all.
I suggest that you should keep out of it...

yabu

I think anyone should be allowed to go to a funeral with whoever they want.

BattyKoda, this must be a really difficult time for you. .

But I jsut couldn't' have left any of my DC's over night when they were 8 months old. I would have found it too distressing. Of course your sister is doing what's best for her, but I hope you can all discuss it and work out a solution.

I think it would be fine to take the baby to the funeral/crematorium/wake. I've had to take my babies to five funerals of close family members, and have always felt it a comfort to have them with me.

Sorry, I think you're being unreasonable too.

I'm going to say you're being reasonable again - if your sister was driving herself/paying her own way/organising herself etc then I would say you're being bossy and unreasonable, but I totally understand how annoying it is when someone just says 'I want to do this' and expects someone else to make it happen.

Just sort yourself out, try to keep your parents happy as much as possible but stop thinking you are the one that has to make everything OK. You're not. Who's doing that for you? Let your sister grow up by stop being the one that makes it all work.

She's the baby's g grandmother- why on earth should she not be there?

I think YABU

Sorry, the baby should be able to come to its own g grandmother's funeral, especially if the alternative is that your sister misses her own grandmother's send of. I got my pronouns mixed up.

Of course the baby should be there etc, but the issue is that it's not the OP's responsibility to sort it out!!

Sorry for your loss and hope it does get all amicably resolved.

God - read the thread people if you're going to post strong opinions.

Am sorry for your loss and I hope you resolve it all. FWIW I wouldn't have left my DC behind for 2 days either at that age - overnight fine, during the day, fine, but that would be too long for me.

And also, FWIW, you really do need to give all the facts in AIBU in your first post otherwise people are just judging on the basis of 'I don't want my sister to bring her baby to my gran's funeral' which is not the whole story by a long shot.

I think you are worried that the baby may take some attention away from you and ovioulsly you are not used to that.
Anyway, Crems only last 10 minutes,,,this is more to with with you than the great grangchild.

YABU.

Obviously.

God - this is not MN's finest hour! If the OP was being unreasonable, it was because she wasn't clear at the beginning on all the details. I think it's fair to say she's now learn THAT lesson!

Some of the comments have been very unkind to someone who is recently bereaved. Lesson of the day - stay off AIBU! And read the bloody thread.

Agree portofino.

Risk looking like a tit if you don't read the thread and then wade in.

Quite agree portofino.

There are some nasty kneejerk reactions on here. I assume (hope) that those who condemned op in the last few pages haven't read the whole thing.

fallon8 - hit the nail on the head there, god your good....

Portofino - I know, lesson learnt, I have a terrible habit of forgetting that people can't mind read. I do it to DP all the time, have half a coversation in my head and then start talking and wonder whay he doesn't understand!!

Batty - sorry to hear of your loss. I hope the arrangements go smoothyly now.

"It is up to your sister and mum to discuss this matter between themselves. It is your sister's baby and she will be in your mum's house, after all."

Not my Mum's house. And my Dad called me to ask that I could sort it out without involving Mum as she is in a bad way at the moment.

Sorry that you have got caught in the middle of this! My aunt died recently, and the family feud between my father and maternal gps got kind of resurrected. I was getting phone calls everynight about who, and who should not go to the funeral. Did my head in.

In the end, everyone went and it was all fine......It's hard when you just want to be sad and not want to worry about everyone else. I totally understand about you not wanting to upset your dmum if it can be avoided.....

Thank you portofino