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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect that at 32 I was past all the someone waiting for me at the gates at 3 o clock to batter me....well it would seem not!!

176 replies

ElizabethWakefield · 10/03/2010 13:14

There was an incident at DD's school on Monday, a game went wrong and a boy ended up wrapping a skipping rope around a girl's throat, outcome was the girl got quite badly hurt and it was fairly serious.

Now the story i have heard from DD and the story that has come from the school are very different.

So, today i am sitting in work and i get a phone call from the school, warning me that through some kind of crossed wires the mum of the girl has been informed that my DD was in some way involved in the whole incident, and she is now "on the war path" and will, apparently, be waiting for me at 3 o clock. I mean in what kind of bizarre world is that a normal conversation to have with your child's school!

The mum is not someone you would ever want to be on the wrong side of and apparently there is nothing the school can do!

Really, I am 32...a reasonable person and I don't fight!!

Sigh... might have to ditch my shiney ballet pumps for some steel toe capped boots on the way home!

OP posts:
Original poster
ElizabethWakefield · 10/03/2010 14:43

Just coming back to this, thanks for all your messgaes so far.

Just to make it clear, the incident happened on Monday, from what I can gather (have been told by DD and others, v small school, everyone knows about it) it was fairly serious and the girl was hurt. At no point was it ever mentioned DD was involved, in fact yesterday DD and the girl came out of the school together chatting and laughing, they are friendly enough.

Today the head phones me at work, asks me if I am aware of the incident. I say yes, she says she wants to warn me that girl's mum is on the war path, she then explains the incident to me (in what I must say was a very, very watered down version of what I have heard before) and it is only now in hindsight I realise that in explaining the incident she mentioned at least 5 other children's names but not actually DDs.

So she said crazymum asked for a list of everyone involved, and for some unknown reason that I can't quite grasp, they gave her one and the list included DD. I don't really know what happened after that, but from there she seemed to have said she was out to get me.

She has had run ins with several parents before now, I have had her screaming in my face, literally, because I had a birthday party for my dd on the day of her dd's birthday (not that I even knew when her dds birthday was at the kids had only been at school 2 months)

I can understand why she is angry, it's a terrible thing to happen, I would want answers, but it is absolutely nothing to do with either DD or me. So I won't speak to her or phone her or anything, because really I have nothing to do with it.

I am going to go down to school before the 4pm pick up and speak to the head, because to be honest, now I've thought about it all I am angry and would like a few answers myself. I don't really understand why my dd has been brought into it at all and why she was given a list with her name on it.

I'm sure it used to be the case that if there was an incident no names were given out, so not sure when this changed??

I want some kind of assurance that she will be brought in tomorrow and told that my DD had nothing to do with it and she was given her name in error.

I am actually really pissed off about the whole thing now I have to say. The school have handled the whole thing shockingly and I am going to make sure it is all sorted out.

Will go back and read the rest of the replies now, thanks.

And Expat, I'm not too far from you, Glasgow!

OP posts:
saggyjuju · 10/03/2010 14:43

rhubarb read a few of your other posts,shes my sister,i have the family from hell they call me goody two shoes because i always seek professional advice, i know i cant solve certain probs and am not proud to ask for help,our family broke over 3years ago,it will never go back thank god. you have my word as i think the sane member of my family i never have ever done anything other than speek my mind, fairly,some people cant hear or face up to the truth and things arent always rosey, and trust me before we split the things she has done to me and what an idiot i was just letting it go cos i loved my sister,no more victims in my house for the last 3years i walked on by didnt acknowledge or retaliate their idiotic ways and obviously she blew in the end. i dont care what she did to me, my son is painfully shy and wonders what the hell is going on,some people are so shameful words fail me. sorry for the rant i am now in the process of trying to find some sort of professional advice on how these idiots can be held accountable for the damage they are doing it has to stop people thinking they can do as they please

Original poster
ElizabethWakefield · 10/03/2010 14:45

Just coming back to this, thanks for all your messgaes so far.

Just to make it clear, the incident happened on Monday, from what I can gather (have been told by DD and others, v small school, everyone knows about it) it was fairly serious and the girl was hurt. At no point was it ever mentioned DD was involved, in fact yesterday DD and the girl came out of the school together chatting and laughing, they are friendly enough.

Today the head phones me at work, asks me if I am aware of the incident. I say yes, she says she wants to warn me that girl's mum is on the war path, she then explains the incident to me (in what I must say was a very, very watered down version of what I have heard before) and it is only now in hindsight I realise that in explaining the incident she mentioned at least 5 other children's names but not actually DDs.

So she said crazymum asked for a list of everyone involved, and for some unknown reason that I can't quite grasp, they gave her one and the list included DD. I don't really know what happened after that, but from there she seemed to have said she was out to get me.

She has had run ins with several parents before now, I have had her screaming in my face, literally, because I had a birthday party for my dd on the day of her dd's birthday (not that I even knew when her dds birthday was at the kids had only been at school 2 months)

I can understand why she is angry, it's a terrible thing to happen, I would want answers, but it is absolutely nothing to do with either DD or me. So I won't speak to her or phone her or anything, because really I have nothing to do with it.

I am going to go down to school before the 4pm pick up and speak to the head, because to be honest, now I've thought about it all I am angry and would like a few answers myself. I don't really understand why my dd has been brought into it at all and why she was given a list with her name on it.

I'm sure it used to be the case that if there was an incident no names were given out, so not sure when this changed??

I want some kind of assurance that she will be brought in tomorrow and told that my DD had nothing to do with it and she was given her name in error.

I am actually really pissed off about the whole thing now I have to say. The school have handled the whole thing shockingly and I am going to make sure it is all sorted out.

Will go back and read the rest of the replies now, thanks.

And Expat, I'm not too far from you, Glasgow!

OP posts:
saggyjuju · 10/03/2010 14:55

sorry will have to run off for shool run,i hope original poster does stay strong

Jamieandhismagictorch · 10/03/2010 15:00

.

AmazingBouncingFerret · 10/03/2010 15:31

I hope everything gets sorted out EW.

lou031205 · 10/03/2010 15:58

.

jenduff · 10/03/2010 15:59

EW hope you get some solid reassurance from the school.

JustMoon · 10/03/2010 16:07

So what happened?? Hope you're not in A&E!!

CleverlyConcealed · 10/03/2010 16:09

School should not have given the mum the names of the children involved that is not on. And having ballsed it up and given your dd's name they should be ringing her to set her straight. If the incident is really serious and the police are involved (are they?) then that is to whom the names should have been given.

I'd be furious and I hope you give the head what for.

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 10/03/2010 16:10

School have handled this appallingly I am shocked that they are allowing a parent to behave like this. Hope the OP gets a full apology and this loon is set straight about what is reasonable behaviour for a parent

GetOrfMoiLand · 10/03/2010 16:16

Christ what a crap school.
This has been handled terribly. OP I am sure you must be fuming.

To be honest the school sound completly weak and ineffectual - crazy woman is probably pissed off hugely at their incompetence. Not to excuse her mad ways though.

Utterly shocked that the stupid school gave the woman a list of kids names when they know she is volatile. If I were you I would get the LEA and governors involved.

Really on your behalf.

PixieOnaLeaf · 10/03/2010 16:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

MPuppykin · 10/03/2010 16:20

EW, an entire community of MNers are huddled around their computers waiting for an update, and hoping that it all went well. (fingers crossed smiley)

Wretched school and wretched violent stupid parents. Hope you are okay....

thesunshinesbrightly · 10/03/2010 16:25

MPuppyKin - agree with you, can't put the kid's dinner on yet till update and they are getting restless.

thesunshinesbrightly · 10/03/2010 16:26

MPuppyKin - agree with you, can't put the kid's dinner on yet till update and they are getting restless.

herbietea · 10/03/2010 16:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Tortoise · 10/03/2010 16:26

EW Hope you are ok and managed to sort something out with the school.

Original poster
ElizabethWakefield · 10/03/2010 16:29

Right, just back and it seems to be sorted.

When I went in the head teacher said she was waiting to speak to me, so it turns out that she spent the whole morning with the children "involved" by that she meant the children who were in the general area at the time. One of which was DD.

She spoke to all the children and tried to get to the bottom of what happened. It turns out she has been away at some conference and this morning was her first time back at school since it happened.

It does appear to be a game that went wrong, but obviously quite seriously wrong and I think to an extent the play ground assistant wasn't actually doing what she should have been.

So this afternoon the head had the girl's parents in and everything was explained to them and they now seem to accept that no child (apart from perhaps the boy but even then I'm not not sure anything was done intentionally) was directly involved and are no longer "out to get anyone" although I imagine they still have issues with the way it was handled.

I think names of the children were obviously given out by someone else in the school while the head was at a course, and i don't think the head was too pleased about this, but didn't go into much more detail.

She was very apologetic and obviously knows it all went badly wrong, but i think she is now trying to do the best she can to resolve it, so i can't really ask more than that.

I think ropes will be banned from the play ground for a while.

I think obviously the head will still have to sort out what even wrong and the consequences but she seems to be aware of that.

So, hopefully that will be the end of it for me, thanks everyone for all your advice and for being around earlier

OP posts:
majafa · 10/03/2010 16:30

.

Original poster
ElizabethWakefield · 10/03/2010 16:30

You can now all go and feed your poor hungry children

OP posts:
Casserole · 10/03/2010 16:31

I would be putting a complaint in writing to the head, the chair of governers and the LA expressing my disbelief and anger that children's names had been given out to anyone, not least a parent known to be abusive.

I would also be ringing the police and asking their advice.

Hope it's gone ok this afternoon. Can't believe how disgraceful it all is!

edam · 10/03/2010 16:31

Bloody hell how crap of the school (and the stupid other mother too). Call the cops.

itsmeitsmeolord · 10/03/2010 16:32

Seriously? They gave the woman a list of names?? Oh fuck me that breaks so many rules already....

It's the schools fault, they have the responsibility to sort this out. I would expect the head to have made it quite clear that your dd was not involved at all.

I would also speak to the police though, they may be able to speak to this woman and reiterate that your dd was not involved.

edam · 10/03/2010 16:32

ah, cross posts Glad it's been sorted but the head clearly needs to do something about the inability of her staff to handle problems when she is away.