To expect that at 32 I was past all the someone waiting for me at the gates at 3 o clock to batter me....well it would seem not!!

[ElizabethWakefield]

There was an incident at DD's school on Monday, a game went wrong and a boy ended up wrapping a skipping rope around a girl's throat, outcome was the girl got quite badly hurt and it was fairly serious.

Now the story i have heard from DD and the story that has come from the school are very different.

So, today i am sitting in work and i get a phone call from the school, warning me that through some kind of crossed wires the mum of the girl has been informed that my DD was in some way involved in the whole incident, and she is now "on the war path" and will, apparently, be waiting for me at 3 o clock. I mean in what kind of bizarre world is that a normal conversation to have with your child's school!

The mum is not someone you would ever want to be on the wrong side of and apparently there is nothing the school can do!

Really, I am 32...a reasonable person and I don't fight!!

Sigh... might have to ditch my shiney ballet pumps for some steel toe capped boots on the way home!

Very good answers here. The police should definitely be involved to keep the peace, and the school chastised. Perhaps the PTA could raise the matter of how "incidents" are dealt with.

I would be crapping it, im such a wimp. You sound very brave about it all. You have to tell the school to put her straight surely!!

Make sure you come back and tell us what happened. Poor you.

tbh, if the school already knew that the mother was a violent type, then what the fuck were they doing giving out any names?

Whichever way you look at it - the school has cocked up royally and you need to complain about it.

We had one mother who tried this at our school, she had chavvy tendencies. The HM told her that the only way she would be allowed on the premises was if she was picked up at the gate and escorted by two teachers to the pick up point and then wordlessly taken back to the gates for three days.

She was mortified, everyone knew who she was, she left soon afterwards.

Are we sure that "on the warpath actually means "violent", or just ready to have a good shout about it?

Not that shouting is acceptable.....

EW in your shoes, I would ring back to the school, and ask to see the head 1/4 or 1/2 an hour before the end of school (if you can get away from work early).

Hence, you get safely into the school before "DangerMum" arrives. Then I would suggest that the head goes out to the gates, and invites Dangermum inside to discuss her grievance. That conversation should really take place between school staff and that Mum, not involve you at all. It is up to school to diffuse this situation, esp. if the information this mother has is incorrect. School should also point out to DangerMum that they will not accepting threatening behaviour from parents, towards school staff or another parent on/near school premises.

Meantime you leave the school, avoiding this parent altogether.

School should then let you know how the discussion with DangerMum went. If there seems to be a real risk of violence, then yes, definately seek advice from the local police.

On top of all the other good advice already here... Speak to the school and your daughter and make sure that you find out exactly what happened and who is responsible.

Then find out if the school will be informing her exactly what did happen and see if the head teacher or other appropriate person will ask her straight into school so she can be informed correctly - whether or not you go in with her.

I can see that the school might have heard what this woman is planning and thought that if they told you forewarned is forearmed and all that but it is outrageous if they won't do anything else.

And definitely speaking to the local community police beforehand and getting advice (and even support in person) from them sounds a good idea.

Do you know if the mum is on the warpath for any of the others that are supposedly involved? or is it just your dd?

I don't understand why they can't be bothered to ring the police.

No wonder there are so many ghetto chavs in some areas.

Second custy - this is an appauling way for a school to behave and I would be on the warpath myself, against the school!

I would ring them back and say 'sort it now because I'm getting the police involved and may consider taking this further as I don't see why I or my dd should suffer because of your incompetence'

The school afraid of her? Really? What is this headmaster - a cowering mouse? I would question my child going to a school that was governed in such a shoddy way.

Call the police and tell them exactly what the school has told you. If you do come across this woman I wouldn't bother trying to defend yourself or your dd, I would just calmly take out my mobile and call the police.

This has been handled disgustingly - don't put up with it. The school have shamefully just given the situation to you to deal with, a situation that you have nothing to deal with.

Clumsymum's advice sounds spot-on. Or you could insist that the Headteacher is at the school gates at pickup time to talk to the other mum, and to ensure things don't kick off.

Too right, Rhubarb.

On top of the fact that it appears a girl could have been killed by another pupil and they haven't acted on it.

expat, come round here and do the school run with me. We get mums swearing loudly all the way to school and back again with fags hanging out of their mouths, pitbulls by their side.

There's been a couple of bitch scraps too.

I don't talk to anyone, although I have come very very close to telling one dad to get his massive brute of a mutt the fuck away from me and my kids.

this is madness, what a horrible thing.Take some moral support.

that's terrible, rhu! i don't understand how people can have so little respect for themselves or others they think it's okay or cool to act like that.

I think people are being unfair on the school, OP hasn't said that school gave the crazy woman wrong info (?did she?), and OP does say that school has tried to set crazy woman straight but she won't listen.

Best thing might actually be to approach crazy woman yourself at 3pm In Front Of Many Witnesses. No matter what she says to you just stay very calm and keep explaining factually how she is mistaken to think your DD was involved. Let her say fully what she thinks and calmly reply by explaining small bit by small bit how she has been misinformed. If it was her child who was hurt then be sympathetic to her having a right to be upset, but keep calmly explaining how you & your child aren't actually to blame.

If you can get thru that you might gain an ally rather than having this hanging over you for years to come.

Alardi, you must live in a very nice neighbourhood.

Confronting people like this all too often ends up in one person getting stabbed or beaten.

I don't agree alardi.

Any incidents which happen on school premises should be handled by school, within school.

Trying to diffuse the situation yourself, when you don't know what actually happened, nor what action school have/are taking will just make things worse.

I speak as a school governor, who has been involved in sorting out some of this stuff before.

OP says: " i get a phone call from the school, warning me that through some kind of crossed wires the mum of the girl has been informed that my DD was in some way involved in the whole incident, and she is now "on the war path" and will, apparently, be waiting for me at 3 o clock."

It does not make clear whether the school is reponsible for the crossed wires or whether another parent has informed them of this. To me it sounds like the former.

IF the school had dealt with the initial incident properly then this would never have come to be. It is irresponsible at best for the school to call a parent at work and inform her that she is in danger when she goes to collect her dd from school, then end the conversation with no offers of help.

I am angry on the OPs behalf. The school cannot be allowed to get away with this. Fancy being afraid of a parent! What bloody hope have those kids got if the school are quaking in their boots at their parents??? This is disgusting.

the world has gone crazy,i am 42 and was attacked last week in the street whilst doing my sons paper round with him, the husband of the idiot in question smirked when i said "you just assaulted me" and he replied "no one saw anything did they!". unfortunately for them they did and sadly for my 12 year old son he was one of them. needless to say the 39 year old idiot mother to one was cautioned today for abh,i wouldnt mind the only words i spoke were that they had assaulted me,i was sat in my car with my seatbelt on folding my sons next lot of papers for him,i was totally defenseless and attacked through my open car window, some people are just cowards . to anyone who will allow these aggressors to get away with things it doesnt go away,the mum at school should be kept away from anywhere where they are showing threatening behaviours and i would be contacting social services

This is horrifying.
Will add to StewieGriffinsMom's comment re LEA and ask to speak to the Director of Education.

Hope you and your dd are ok.

saggyjuju - any motive at all?

This kind of thing really does make me see red. I would be screaming so hard and so loud that the authorities and police would have to do something, just to get me to shut up. It's all just so pathetic and miserable.

Ill prob'ly get flamed for this, But If this was me, I would have had a word with my boss, promising to make up lost time, and gone straight to school to get the problem sorted.
I would not be sitting there wondering what was going to happen at 3pm.
Then saying that my boss is very understanding and knows my children come 1st in a situation like this. I appreciate we dont all have bosses like that.

Hope all goes well for you and DD this afternoon.