To think that a Doctor shouldn't be telling a woman with PND that she shouldn't have more children as she clearly can't cope!!!!

[memoo]

I am so cross about this!!!

I have been suffering with PND and Anxiety since the birth of my DD 5 months ago. I have been very ill with it but I'm slowly getting better with help from my GP and a lot of support from DH.

I have just been to the doctors this morning to get my prescription for my Anti-depressants. Had to see a different GP as my usual one wasn't available.

The doctor asked me quite casually if I was planning on having more children in the future. I said that I wasn't and he replied that is was for the best as I "am clearly stuggling to cope with the ones I already have"!!!!

Now I may be depressed but my children are all loved and well looked after. By the time DH gets home from work they are all fed, bathed/shower, homework done etc. I am also managing to keep on top of the housework. Basically I AM coping!!! In fact I think I am coping very well considering that I am also battling mental illness!!

Being mentally ill doesn't mean I am a bad mum, but thats how he made me feel!!!!

That's bloody awful. I think you should write a complaint to the practice manager.

GP's are slowly learning how to deal with mental illness but it takes time - YANBU for what seems like a very insensitive and ill thought out comment. I am guessing that what the doc really meant to say was, if you do have any more you need to be prepared for the fact that you might not have an easy ride, but it probably all came out a bit wrong??

(Feeling very benevolent this morning! )

This is a tough one. I am sorry that the doc made you feel bad, I hope it was inadvertant. To say you are "struggling with the ones you have" could easily be misconstrued

But taking a step back from things, would YOU advise a woman with bad PND, and a small baby to have another baby? I wouldn't TBH. I cant see it benefitting the Mum, the new child, or the existing ones. It would just add more stress. Surely better to wait, let the treatments work and let things settl;e a bit.

So whilst his/her style and delivery was offensive, I think the core of their message was basically quite sensible.

Hope you feel better soon

That is outrageous, and one of the reasons why mothers suffering from PND often don't seek help early on. Would definitely write to practice manager, so this insensitive knucklehead can be told how to communicate properly. You are doing really well, so try not to dwell on this too much if you can

That is outrageous, and one of the reasons why mothers suffering from PND often don't seek help early on. Would definitely write to practice manager, so this insensitive knucklehead can be told how to communicate properly. You are doing really well, so try not to dwell on this too much if you can

But porca, memoo wasn't asking for recommendations to have any more. It was a totally unsolicited comment by the Dr.

I think it's difficult tbh.

If he said it in the way you say he did then he was clearly insensitive.

But if someone was suffering from a physical illness that could potentially be made worse by pregnancy and subsequent children, then no-one would think anything of a woman being advised that having more children might not be in her best interests. I don't necessarily think the fact it's a mental illness is any different tbh.

Porcamiseria, I wouldn't dream of having another baby in my current condition. DD was always going to be our last anyway.

I just resent the implication that I can't cope with my DC, because I can!

Its me that suffers! I'm the one who has to get through every day battling this constant gut renching feeling I have in the pit of my stomach.

I know that many people hear the word depression and then imagine that the sufferer spends all day huddled in the corner rocking back and to, but I don't expect a GP to think like that!!!

I know they are only human and being GP they don't specialise in one particular area but surely anyone with an ounce of compassion and sensitivety would know that this would be a great thing to say!

I hate the thought of complaing but maybe you guys are right! If I complain then maybe he'll have to rethink his attitude and he won't say something as insensitive to another patient

GPs don't normally do sympathetic though? They do straight talking. Certainly I would expect a GP to (for example) tell someone that they ought to exercise more or lose a bit of weight, which in general are things your friends won't say.

I actually think it is a reasonable thing to say (albeit perhaps it might have been delivered in a better way). The GP was checking that you weren't planning to do anything that might put more stress on you. What if you had been planning another child? Would it have been reasonable for him to say that you should leave it for a bit until you were better?

Wannabe, it isn't being told its best not to have more children I resent, its the implication that because I have PND I can't cope with the children I already have

You said he said you were struggling to cope. Not that you weren't coping. If you're taking anti-depressants, well it's because youre coping with depression isn't it? It's a struggle. I know it - I've been there. This GP might have over-stepped a bit there (well, he did, that's fair to say), but you're also allowing your sensitivity to confuse you about what he actually said.

I am struggling with PND, yes, But I am not struggling to cope with my children which is what he said!

I don't thinkthis is outrageous. It is a very blunt and insensitive comment, but I think he was right to point out that maybe you shouldn't have more children.

Many Doctors seem to have this brusque tone, though.
I remember when I went to mine for a pregnancy test, having conceived DC1.
I was only 31 but he said "I hope you going to have it as you don't really want to be any older when you have your first child'

I agree, they are just a but blunt and rude sometimes, dont let it get to you memoo. I think most of us have been on the receiving end of insensitive comments at some time

focus your energies on getting better :-)

It was both an insensitive thing to say, and an inappropriate one. I, too, was told not to think about having any more children for the foreseeable future, when I was first diagnosed with PND. The difference in my case being that I had asked. Memoo had not. Such unsolicited 'advice' is only going to knock her already wobbly confidence.

In any case, I don't think it is the right thing to say to anybody. We delayed TTC our xsecond child, because of the HCP's advice. But we decdied to go against their advice, in the end, because it felt utterly wrong for us. We found ourselves in a situation where we were waiting for me to get better, before getting on with our lives. But it was clear that waiting was only going to make things worse for me, whereas getting on with life and achieving our desires would help me recover. Which it did.

Having another dc was the best thing for my PND, because it did not recurr, and when dc2 was 12m I realised that I had compeletely recovered. Which I do not think would have happened had I been waiting to get well while my bioclock was ticking and my heart was aching for another child.

Having PND affects your ability to parent - it does not make you a bad parent.

I think it's shocking. You're trying to cope with PND and comments like that aren't going to make you feel any better...
Of course docs have to be honest/blunt, but they also have to be sensitive, and realize that the things they say may have an impact of someone's self-esteem.

I suffered with PND and had a few psychotic episodes, im slowly being weaned of meds at the moment, and i have just started to feel like myself again, me and DH have agreed to start trying at the end of the year,
i need to lose a bit of weight and want to have DS at nursery pt when the 2nDC comes along, i got my implanon removed a few days ago, and boy did they try their best to make me keep it in!
i was very insulted, the nurse kept harping on about how important the correct spacing is for someone in my condition etc, i had to in the end threaten to take it out myself if they would not.
im still v,v,v a lot of my PND was down to gps and midwifes making me feel worthless and incapable, when really i am one of the most capable people i know!
i was in a vunerable situation and they made it worse.
im not shocked that your GP said that OP, it is totally unacceptable though.

My mum was told not to have any more kids after my brother (only 2 kids) as she would get very bad PND and be in a hospital for up to 18 months at a time and our grandparents had to bring us up
But then she had mental health problems from her teenage years and developed bi-polar and aggrophobia.
But when she was better she was a very good mum, but when ill, she was just not 'there'.
At least there are better treatments these days and your GP was a bit insensitive, even if he was straight talking

OTT, do you think maybe they were doing their jobs and being concerned for your health?

I have PNd. My doc asked recently if I was sure the minipill was a good idea, since I may forget it "and the last thing you need right now is a pregnancy".
I.m not upset or angry, because that is her professional opinion and she's bloody right as well. I may forget to take it (both pnd and the meds affect focus and memory), and if I got pregnant now I might well top myself.

Thats why we go to HCP, to get their judgement and advice. OP, sounds like he worded it badly, but I'd say s/he wasn't attacking you, just saying that you're probably not in the best place for a baby now.

no runnybottom, they shouldn't of tried to pressure me into a descision i was so adament about.
i told them me and DH use condoms and i also asked for the injection for a one off as i don't want to fall pregnant before august, so they knew i was still using protection, but they were pushing me to keep the implant in when i clearly did not want it in!
i haven't had an episode for ever a year, and feel a lot better on the low meds, i conisided that we shall start trying properly when they are completely out of my system.
i AM better, and am looking forward to having another baby, my DC was a complete shock and not discovered until late pregnancy, as i have irregular periods, ( another reason why we are trying again in a few months as i have no garuntees. )
with the information i volunteered to them i don't feel they were bing supportive or realistic, yes i have suffered with a mental illness, and yes it may come back in the future, but i will not let that stop our family future plans.
i even cleared it with my phsychiatrist and my therapist, i don't see my GP often, and i don't think he has kept up with my details etc.

gosh my spelling was very bad in that last comment, please forgive me, am ill at the mo lol

I think you're missing my point a bit.

I am not upset at the suggestion that I shouldn't have more children. Of course it would be a silly thing to do given my current mental health.

I am upset by him saying that I can't cope with the children I already have.

I am coping with my DC, I am a good mum, having PND doesn't change this

I've got PND and I've had this said to me by doctors and MIDWIVES(!!!), too.

I'm upset about it at the moment. Don't feel you're on your own.