To think that a Doctor shouldn't be telling a woman with PND that she shouldn't have more children as she clearly can't cope!!!!

[memoo]

I am so cross about this!!!

I have been suffering with PND and Anxiety since the birth of my DD 5 months ago. I have been very ill with it but I'm slowly getting better with help from my GP and a lot of support from DH.

I have just been to the doctors this morning to get my prescription for my Anti-depressants. Had to see a different GP as my usual one wasn't available.

The doctor asked me quite casually if I was planning on having more children in the future. I said that I wasn't and he replied that is was for the best as I "am clearly stuggling to cope with the ones I already have"!!!!

Now I may be depressed but my children are all loved and well looked after. By the time DH gets home from work they are all fed, bathed/shower, homework done etc. I am also managing to keep on top of the housework. Basically I AM coping!!! In fact I think I am coping very well considering that I am also battling mental illness!!

Being mentally ill doesn't mean I am a bad mum, but thats how he made me feel!!!!

ladies ladies please

i can't concentrate on my gin here

Thanks expat; I would agree with you that there is a lot of prejudice and ignorance on this thread around people with mental illness including pnd which makes people unecessarily judgemental.

And there is a double standard; women with physical conditions following childbirth would not be expected to hold off further children if they were at risk of conditions that might impact on their care for their child for a while postpartum - a cs, a pph or low thyroid function.

And expat I agree with you the doctor was acting unprofessionally to offer a judgement unsolicited. The job of a medical professional is to treat, not judge. Just imagine what kind of a world we would live in when people would be told how and when they could have a baby; whether they are too old / young / stupid / smokers / poor

well said thesecondcoming. people always get defensive about mental illness, this is where the problem seems to be just now on this thread. No one is having a go or laughing at your because you have PND. It could happen to anyone after their give birth. What some of us are trying to say is that if you had (for example) a CS, you would be advised to hold off TTC again until you had recovered by x amount of weeks, to give your body a break. Well that's what some of us are getting at with PND. No one is saying don't have children ever again, but to hold off until you feel well in yourself, surely that makes sense???

and since someone else brought up physical illnesses like low-thyroid I can speak from that angle, because I suffer from underactive thyroid myself and found newborn stage v difficult what with all the sleep deprivation and so it made sense NOT to fall pg straight away otherwise I'd have been on the verge of PND myself. I made an informed decision not to press ahead with another pregnancy until DS was well over the age of two for my own sanity and also because I care about DH and DS too much to sacrifice my mental health. It's bad enough have a physical illness without adding a mental health one into the mix.

I would also like to say that some posters need to stop being so intimidating and scaring off others who've made valid points (even if they haven't been favoured by the majority). Just accept we all have different points of view.

The job of a medical professional is to treat, not judge

So you don't want their educated opinion then, just robots who diagnose perhaps by a tick sheet ?

Medical professionals have to judge, when did we get so defensive and so knowledgeable about every condition that a medical qualification counts for nothing ?

Hi thesecondcoming; I absolutely agree with you, if the OP is not well for whatever mental or physical reason then it may be more advisable to wait to ttc until she feels better. However, from what the OP writes, her GP did not say that but implied that because of her pnd she should not consider further children - ever.

If the doctor had said something more neutral such as if you do want further children it may be more advisable to wait until you are stable, then that would be more reasonable; but to be glad that she did not want further children at what seems like any point in the future, regardless of whether she has recovered is imo a step too far and unreasonable (and uncalled for).

Hi millymoo - yes I do believe that a medical professional should treat not judge.

But that doesn't mean that they cannot tell people some things that they may not want to hear if it is their best interests such as 'smoking is not good for your health', 'you are overweight and this may impact on your health'. However if the OP had said that they did want children and the doctor had said 'well you cannot cope with the children you have so that im my professional opinion is a bad idea' then that would be imo unhelpful, and biased.

Surely a more constructive approach would be to outline the possible risks and suggest ways of risk management and co-ordinate that different agencies share information and work together to ensure the health of the mother and the welfare of the child(ren).

Just because a mother has had pnd it does not make her an unfit mother or disqualify her for future motherhood.

Yes of course that would have been more constructive and well mannered, doesn't mean he was wrong though.
The day GP's stop being relied upon for their judgement will be a disaster for their patients.

Ah millymollymoo as this is aibu we will have to agree to disagree

I think that the doctor was wrong to imply that the op shouldn't have further children (ever). He was not a mental health or perinatal specialist and this was beyond his expertise. Ultra vires.

I have a question for those of you who think the doctor was in the right.

Do you really truely think that my having PND means I can't cope with the children I already have???

Because that is what the doctor was saying, do you really agree with that??

Did he say you cant cope or you are struggling? as a fellow pnd sufferer i think you are being over sensitive

thesecondcoming, I really don't feel like you are listening to me!!!

You are totally missing my point!!!

I agree that I shouldn't have more children any time in the near future!! DH is get the snip, we are not wanting to have any more children anyway.

I am upset because he said I can't cope with the children I already have!!

His exact words were "clearly stuggling to cope with the ones you already have"

I am not being over sensitive, I understood exactly what he meant

You are trying to argue a point without actually listening to what I am saying!

I think he might mean it is taking a toll on you, not that your children are neglected, which is altogether different IMO.

Your happiness and equilibrium matter here.

But I still think he didn't try very hard to be diplomatic (aka he was quite rude).

memoo i think the words 'clearly struggling...' are the issue.

as you say and my situ, the DCs are clean, fed, nurtured and i'm going to presume happy in general

dont agree with what or way he said it (I'm a over sensitive soul, that comes with pnd/dep) but i like to think he meant worried for your health not the kids

my midwife keeps telling me that i need to be well as mums are the central person in the home cos without us DCs and DH/P wouldn't be able to cope.

don't know how true that is but i feel so much better about my own situ since seeing her and coming onto mnet. don't feel i'm only one with issues

Boffin and jo807, You know you both make really good points. I do understand what you mean. That maybe he meant I'm struggling inside, rather than as a parent.

You are both very wise!

If that is the way he meant it then I can live with that, he does need to brush up on his bedside technique though!

Thanks guys x

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