To think that a Doctor shouldn't be telling a woman with PND that she shouldn't have more children as she clearly can't cope!!!!

[memoo]

I am so cross about this!!!

I have been suffering with PND and Anxiety since the birth of my DD 5 months ago. I have been very ill with it but I'm slowly getting better with help from my GP and a lot of support from DH.

I have just been to the doctors this morning to get my prescription for my Anti-depressants. Had to see a different GP as my usual one wasn't available.

The doctor asked me quite casually if I was planning on having more children in the future. I said that I wasn't and he replied that is was for the best as I "am clearly stuggling to cope with the ones I already have"!!!!

Now I may be depressed but my children are all loved and well looked after. By the time DH gets home from work they are all fed, bathed/shower, homework done etc. I am also managing to keep on top of the housework. Basically I AM coping!!! In fact I think I am coping very well considering that I am also battling mental illness!!

Being mentally ill doesn't mean I am a bad mum, but thats how he made me feel!!!!

TSC, my doctor for one thing is a woman, my age with children the same age as mine. So as well as knowing my background and having a medical background (but only a GP not a psychiatrist) she also understands the pressures of parenthood. without medication i struggle to cope with my anxiety - this has never affected my ability to cope with being a parent. Why do people just assume that if you have a mental illness that you are some sort of basket case that can't cope without medication.

I would suggest that in spite of the OP's doctors medical background he is a fuckwit with very little knowledge of mental illness and PND, if he did, he would know that PND isn't (always) going to result in being unable to cope.

And no, doctors do not have to be blunt - my doctor knows i can't deal with blunt, she is very careful about what she says to me - because she knwos that if she says the wrong thing she will make me worry. It is her job to know how her patients react and to adjust her manner accordingly.

I totally agree, LEM! Great post.

K, here we go, TSC: the OP was not there for advice on family planning. Therefore, as professional would keep opinions on that to himself because to do otherwise is inappropriate and unprofessional.

So is telling someone she has 'let herself go' when she comes in about an infected mosquito bite.

I'm glad you felt that was to get a laugh out of you, because it strikes me as incredibly unprofessional.

So much for 'I didn't mean to offend'.

pts are human.gp are human.sometimes things go tits up

'and while it's well and good for you to point out to other posters that we don't know the context and background or the conversation leading up to this comment with all due respect,neither do you...'

that's why i never speculated on the context or background.

you did.

again, if you're away all the better.

memoo, hope you're doing all right.

now you see, TSC, if my doctor had said that to me whilst examining my foot - i would have let myself go, i would have let my foot go, right into his face! Seriously

LMAO at unpainted toenails!! YEah you are right, i have a mental illness, and i don't paint my toenails, i also don't shave my legs, or under my arms - quick, call social services!

i'm gutted for you i know the implication all too well. i am depressed have a DS and am (unplanned) expecting again. it took along time to get help after birth of son because i've come across these attitudes before. i thought they would instantly think i was a bad mum.
when i left school 10+ yrs ago i went for a yt childcare course which was refused on the grounds of my being depressed. couple years later went for cleaning job at a high school, sent to occupational health again. yes fine to be a cleaner but not to work with children.
last year started voluntry work with childrens center as soon as found out depression they wanted to send me for occupational health even though it was the people at the centre who urged me to do the training in the first place.
never bothered, gave up after again feeling that i am somehow not safe to be around children.
it is not what they say it is the implication that youre somehow unsafe or incapable or worse a danger.
i am none of these and im sure youre not either.
gp sounds like he needs a few lessons in tact.

I think that as memoo has postnatal depression ie depression caused by childbirth then advising her that it may not be a good idea to have more children is appropriate. Different if it was depression triggered by a bereavement etc. Postnatal depression can recur in subsequent pregnancies and can be worse the more young kids you have.
It sounds like the way the doc said it was insensitive, but the advice was probably meant with her best interests at heart.

So 2rebecca, are you saying then that mothers who suffer from PND shouldn't have anymore children?

The advice is most certainly NOT to not have more children, but to be aware that PND is likely to recurr and to take appropriate steps to deal with it. Christ, the ignorance of people

It's probably not a good idea for them to have more kids whilst they are still depressed.

a good gp will know past hx and dx and will discuss risk factors.tactfully acknowledging potential risk and try to collaboratively manage the situation

it isnt illegal to be pg again after pnd.pnd does carry a statistically higher prevalence if mum has experienced before,but pnd is generally an easily managed illness.

i think op odoes feel aggrieved,but hopefully when her regular gp return she see a familiar face

That's funny, my psychiatrist seemed to think PND was caused by a hormonal imbalance in the body, not by an event directly.

He seems under the impression a traumatic event can contribute to the severity of the disease, but not cause it.

Funny that!

And also that, despite having PND and AND 3 times, he never once mentioned my plans for future children, although when I was considering sterilisation (my husband ended up going for it instead) and asked if he'd plead my case for it if need be, he was agreeable.

But that was me asking him.

What qualifies you to make such a sweeping statement then? Not another armchair pscyhologist>

LEM, your posts are spot on!

Without my medication I am crippled with anxiety, I can't even go out of the house some days. It gets so bad that I feel physically ill, like I'm going to have a heart attack.

But it never affects my ability to look after my children! My children are my whole world!!! Its me that is suffering through this, not my children.

I am glad there are people on here who really do understand, I do appreciate your posts.

its horrible isn't it. It does get easier though - i say to myself sometimes "nup, i aint having that" when i start to worry - i have to say it out loud mind, so if its in the middle of tesco i do look a bit odd - but tough, it helps

2rebecca i get pns is different to my depression.
mine is something i will prob have to live with 4eva.
i was commenting on the ouch of the comment and the lact of tact.
believe me i have asked myself and others whether i should really be having this baby but im 6 mnths now and thankfully have a great support network of family and understanding profs.
wish all pns/dep sufferers had the same

v. new to this internet stuff so be gentle with me and use some tact xx

welcome to the viper's pit mumsnet j0807bump and congrats on your pregnancy

asking for tact on mumsnet is quite a big ask though

""my psychiatrist seemed to think PND was caused by a hormonal imbalance in the body""

This is exactly what my usual doctor says too expat.

Lem, my mantra at the moment is "this will pass, this will pass" I repeat it over and over in my head until I feel calmer!

Wish I could control the hot sweats that come over me though! its very embarressing in public when I can feel my face burning up!

i know its intense in here!
very educational though prehaps il learn to speak my mind and not worry over the little things too much.

its great tbh, where else can you come and get serious support along with a bloody good laugh x speaking your mind is always good, but do be prepared to be challenged! i love it

v uplifting to see support and real life aye me too