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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that parents should not go on holiday without their little ones.

212 replies

Wolliw · 26/02/2010 13:32

I hear it again and again. "OH and I have a holiday booked six weeks after I'm due to give birth. Baby will be fine being passed around relatives."

It's a different kettle of fish when an older child loves spending a week with Grandma, but I often read about very young children being left with someone while their parents go on holiday. The underlying theme is that some people think they are entitled to dessert their small children in the same way as they get annual leave at work.

OP posts:
LeQueen · 28/02/2010 20:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tortington · 28/02/2010 20:29

if i had the chance i would have abandoned my kids in favour of a holiday with dh when they were little - as it was i went on holiday and left them with him

i must say i returned reincarnated as a saint upon earth and becuae of the holiday i could raise the dead and everything.

think my post is mad?

i think the op is

LeQueen · 28/02/2010 20:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

coolma · 28/02/2010 20:31

We've just had our first whole night away from the dc's since November 2006. It was fabulous they are 4 and 10 and their 20 year old sister looked after them. It's vital to get away once every - um - 4 years... Missed them though, this morning was very odd without them.

Original poster
Wolliw · 28/02/2010 21:09

Well most people's opinion seems to be that I am being unreasonable. However I am neither a journalist nor a troll.

I do still take my toddler to the toilet with me, but mainly so that he doesn't get into an argument with his brother.
No I can't spell.

I haven't responded because Mumsnet is not the only thing in my life.

I just think that a baby or toddler would rather the most important person in their life would not disappear for days.

I don't accept the argument that the child will not remember it. The years before autobiographical memory are extremely important for all types of development.

Thanks for your opinions.

OP posts:
MoreCrackThanHarlem · 28/02/2010 21:17

Wow you're back

asked dd this afternoon about this
she doesn't remember it

'did you bring me a present back mummy?'

scottishmummy · 28/02/2010 21:18

but sometimes that really important person just cant wait to disappear off.it is called having a life

stable secure attachment allows for separation,secure in knowledge the parent will return

LeQueen · 28/02/2010 23:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

runnybottom · 28/02/2010 23:32

Being stapled to your children round the clock all the time does not make you a perfect parent.
It probably makes you quite dull though. Extrapolating from the OP, it also seems to make you rather sanctimonious and smug.

Missus84 · 28/02/2010 23:34

Tbh a six week old probably doesn't give a fuck who looks after them so long as they're well looked after.

LeQueen · 01/03/2010 10:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Morloth · 01/03/2010 10:43

Or with a GP who thinks the sun rises and sets in them and has plenty of energy because they don't have to deal with the day to day business of raising/disciplining/worrying?

I shall tell my son he is neglected, but as he spent the weekend on the phone trying to talk SIL into taking him to Athens for a week when she comes to visit I don't think he will believe me.

runnybottom · 01/03/2010 11:08

LeQueen you might have disagreed with me less previously if you hadn't aligned me with someones who opinion i did not share! I'll let you slide this time though....

Now if only I could find someone to take my horde of children off me while I swan off somewhere.....I wish.

LeQueen · 01/03/2010 12:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mixedmamameansbusiness · 01/03/2010 13:39

hmm... I stayed with my grandparents for a week or two at a time when I was younger and most weekends outside of that, I dont feel neglected by my parents and had some fabulous times at my GPS and grew up very close to my two cousins who lived next door.

My parents have my children almost every other weekend for one night and occasionaly MIL does too. They all love it and I wouldnt do it unless they were happy to do it and DC love it.

nikki1978 · 01/03/2010 14:40

Well I have left my kids several times. As I BFed them until 2 for my DD and 1 for my DS there were a few years when I didn't leave them at all except for a couple of hours out with friends (I would have done if either of the little buggers had taken a bottle ). Afetr DS was weaned DH and I went tp Amsterdam to see a friend for 2 days. Bliss! We then went to New York for 5 days for our honeymoon a year later. And in Jan this year we went to Australia without them for 2 weeks to see my best friend get married (couldn't take them as my DD is at school and the flights would have been too much for them).

I feel no guilt whatsoever at having taken these trips. We have also had the odd night away for stag/hen nights, weddings and parties. We are very, very lucky two have two sets of grandparents who are always offering and love having them over for the night or a few days. We have a great time together and they have an even better time with their grandparents.

I spend 12 hours a day every day with my children and love them dearly but of course I like my time away from them. I often like my girls nights out to have some time to myself away from DH (as much a I love him) - I'm sure he feels very neglected .

I truly don't understand why anyone else cares what I or anyone else does with regards to our children and holidays. I am happy, DH is happy, the children are happy, GPs are happy. Gosh what terrible people we are.....

LeQueen · 01/03/2010 15:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

peregrintook · 01/03/2010 20:54

"I believe that most of the time other parents who disagree with leaving children are actually suffering from sour grapes, because they don't have anyone to take care of their children? "

I have plenty of options to take care of my kids, but I don't want to. So definately not sour grapes.

You said earlier that the kids are only ours for 14 years, that is so true which is why I like to make the most of going on holiday with them at every opportunity whilst they still enjoy it. I will have many years after they have grown up and left to enjoy time with DH

As for quality time with DH, we make the effort every week to have time together, we don't need to go on holiday without the kids to do that.

I worry that anyone who does need the excitement of holidays to get that quality time with their DH, don't the other 50 odd weeks of the year.

And certainly, LeQueen, from the number of posts on here about your DH, you certainly seem dissatisfied with his behavour towards you the majority of time

Bonsoir · 02/03/2010 09:18

I suspect that the real reason that people don't spend nights/weeks away from their children is just that they haven't thought through the benefits to both parties!

Not so long ago, very few people could afford to go away often. When I was a child, we took very few holidays - and we were very comfortably off by the standards of the time. People just didn't go out to restaurants/spend weekends in hotels/take several holidays a year. So it is quite common to have grown up spending every night in the same house as one's parents.

WhoIsAsking · 02/03/2010 09:36

How spiteful peregrintook.

cantcarryon · 02/03/2010 09:44

Quite right, WIA.

Peregrin - that was personal and unnecessary and was only thrown in, I think, because you know you do not have much of an argument.

SJaneS · 02/03/2010 09:51

I've just asked my 15 year old whether she was upset and feels in anyway deprived by me leaving her with my folks to chase sheep and annoy the local farming community while I went off on a yearly adult holiday.

Cue sarcastic eyebrows and 'what the @@@ sre you talking about now'. My refusal to let her use the internet though past 11pm is however actually ruining her life. Fact. Poor soul!

Live and let live

SJaneS · 02/03/2010 09:54

ps - should have added that that she stayed with my parents for a week from about age two

eggontoast · 02/03/2010 09:54

Wolliw - Both my DH and I feel the same as you - we are just shocked that anyone would want to go on holiday, for 2 weeks without their young children (I understand older) or even want to leave their small baby for a few nights.

If they want to leave child/baby, in suitable care, then I don't see a problem, I just cannot personally understand it; I'd go insane with worry and also baby would starve(both mine hated bottles of EBM).

It is just something we cannot understand. We are planning a naughty weekend away, on our own, when our youngest is 3. She is 13wks now! It will be over 6 years since we have had time to ourselves over night and we are going to enjoy it, totally guilt free!

SJaneS · 02/03/2010 10:11

I can understand the wanting to ..its just a question of what your small children have experienced. We have a toddler as well as teenage children - she has never been away from us and would be very upset and create merry hell therefore we wouldn't feel in the least bit comfortable. But in another scenario if a child is being used to be cared for by a grandparent is it really such a terrible thing?

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