To think that parents should not go on holiday without their little ones.

[Wolliw]

I hear it again and again. "OH and I have a holiday booked six weeks after I'm due to give birth. Baby will be fine being passed around relatives."

It's a different kettle of fish when an older child loves spending a week with Grandma, but I often read about very young children being left with someone while their parents go on holiday. The underlying theme is that some people think they are entitled to dessert their small children in the same way as they get annual leave at work.

batwoman, I am sure my relatives would feel more put upon if I expected them to do regular babysitting than because I once let ds stay with them a few days while I sailed a boat across an open stretch of sea. They all had a lovely time. It was a holiday for him as much as for me.

You are the one being narrowminded if you try to decide exactly under what circumstances every child is going to feel neglected and every relative is going to feel put upon. My child is not your child, my family is not your family. We are not responsible for the shortcomings of your dh's cousin.

My dd would have hated being left for a few hours with a babysitter (no relatives living locally), so dinners out would have been selfish for us. Not for you, for us. Otoh she would have loved being left for a week with her cousins, so for us that would not have been selfish. See? People are different.

'We drop them off at 7 and pick them up at 9 in the morning.'

We wouldn't do this with my kids every 3 or 4 weeks, because, believe it or not, we enjoy having our children in the evenings, and sleeping overnight in our house.

Do you see how judgemental you're being now batwoman?

You have organised a set-up which suits you, and you are judging anyone who does something differently. Some people choose to take a week long break. Some people choose to leave their children overnight occasionally. Some people choose to leave their children overnight fairly frequently,as you do. And some people pay a babysitter so they can have their cinema trip or meal out, and return home to their children at the end of the evening.

What makes you think your particular set-up is 'right'?

WRT the OP I am very sceptical about all these people going off 6 weeks after having a baby. I would be a bit if that were really true. As for people leaving their 10/12 whatever week old for a week, fair play, I couldn't have done it, but I don't judge those who have.

I did go away for a week when DD was nearly two but I left her with DH, who was a star for letting me swan off to the States on a work trip extended into a holiday, without complaint.

As for not ever leaving the DCs to go on holiday I think YABU. We looked into holidays this year and decided against it as too expensive to take DD and really wouldn't be a 'holiday' in the sense I expect. My mum has just started having DD over night and is talking about doing it once a month. It is hard as she doesn't see DD very often and is very sensitive to her potentially being unhappy away from home.

As it is she needn't worry as last time she came back DD cried the whole way home as she didn't want to come home, and last time we talked on Skype to my mum about DD staying over DD started saying 'I don't want to go home' before she had even bloody gone!

She suggested 2 nights next time and is talking about working up to a week. I'm thinking game on!

I think it depends on the circumstances tbh. I know quite a few people who go on city breaks for long weekends, and leave their kids with relatives. IMO they are very lucky to get such a nice break, and I would love to do the same.

However, I do know a couple who NEVER go on holiday with their children, cos the H apparently can't relax with them there!

But OP - I DO think you are exaggerating for effect! Lots of people leaving their 6wo babies - really? really?

I'm of the each to their own opinion. I would never go abroad and leave my kids (till more grown up anyway) but have friends who do and that is their choice. They left them with grandparents so am sure they were fine. One friend left their 10 month old for 2 weeks while they went to Mexico. I just thought what if something happened and it took them 1-2 days to get back. I just couldn't do it.

Actually, I do think that it is really good for parents and children to spend time apart, just as it is good for couples to spend time apart. It is so easy to get into habits and routines as a family without reflecting upon where you are going and why; time apart enables you, as an adult, to take a step back and reflect on what you are doing.

And when children are removed from their usual combination of daily carers, they have to "step up" to bridge the gap that their absence has left. This enables children to grow up and progress - and enables the adults around them to assess their true capabilities.

I'm all for it - but we do a lot of that in our family.

I was always being shipped off to various relatives when I was younger, not so my mum could go off on holiday but just because she had trouble coping with 3 kids on her own! Never bothered me and I never felt homesick, was usually pleased to have a break from my brother and sister.

I had some fabulous holidays abroad on my own when I was little - my maternal aunt's DH was an Ambassador and I used to fly off on my own for fabulous holidays in embassy residences. I have very fond memories of being driven to the toy shop by the chauffeur in a Rolls-Royce all on my own when I was about ten, and trying to make myself understood though I had no language in common with the shopkeeper! That would never have happened had I been velcro-ed to my parents.

To add, dd has 'swanned off' on holiday twice dumping dh and I at home whilst she enjoyed a week at her her grandparent's home in Spain.

I missed her far more than she missed me, I suspect.

She seems to have no concept of her responsibility towards us.
In fact she is positively neglectful

MoreCrack

Children these days

Is it unreasonable and unhelpful and pointless to post just to say that I couldn't give a shit what other parents choose to do about holidays?

Take the child, leave the child with a loving relative - as long as they're not leaving the baby alone in a cage with a great hamster-water-bottle-like bottle of milk stuck to the side and a key with the neighbour to come water the plants and top up the milk in the hamster baby bottle, then I really couldn't give a flying fig what other parents choose to do.

I don't care about other people's lives. Unless there's abuse of any description then that falls under social or communal responsibility or something.

OK so its an each to their own thing. Im just surprised how many people seem to think its ok to leave children behind for a week or 2. But then again I was surprised that it was a common sight to see couples in hotel restaurants accompanied by a monitor instead of their babies (this was just after Maddie disappeared that I heard that - dont know how true it is, but it was a thread on another website at the time)

However when it comes to me. My parents often offer to have them. I NEVER ask them to EVER!!!!! So yes they DO want to have them the odd night every now and again. TBH I hate putting on them (dont know how else to describe it) when the kids stay over. I feel as though they are my children and I shouldnt be going off enjoying myself, i should be home with them after all I CHOSE to have them, therefore I chose not to go out with DH on an evening.

When my children are old enough to decide (They are 5 and 2 ATM) things MAY change as to what THEY want to do. But for now I will NOT leave my children for days on end. That is NOT why I had them to palm them off for periods of time.

Sorry but my belief that once you have children then your world is their world and you should include them where possible (obviously not always the case).

RE the poster who got married in Vegas. Is that not a special occasion? So if you didnt want children there then thats your choice (although I would have taken them with me or not got married yet if I couldnt afford it).

Im just getting the impression from this thread that its ok to leave your DC's with relatives for periods of time while you go away a number of times.

Lots of double standards going on here.

It's ok to leave children every 3-4 weeks while you "swan off' for a night out but not okay to leave them for a week every other year say or a long weekend once a year?

Earlier in the thread, I think someone else thought it was wrong for some parents to holiday for a week without their DD because they both worked full time but it was okay for her because she was presumably a SAHM and spent lots of time with her DC.

I think elsewhere it was mentioned that holiday clubs were a dreadful thing. I've never used these but I imagine that they might be quite enjoyable for school aged children.
Also, surely parents who are not fortunate enough to have relatives on hand to help on a regular basis deserve 'breaks' as much or more than those who do!

But it's ok for you to leave your children overnight fairly frequently so that you can go off to the cinema or out for a meal?

Ah right, you feel GUILTY about it, so that makes it ok.

Sorry, but many of us don't subscribe to this martyr mentality: 'I can't bear to be separated from my kids for one second, but if I HAVE to be, if the grandparents INSIST on it, then I'll damn well make sure I don't enjoy myself. I'll feel dead guilty about it.'

What an awful attitude to parenting.

DH and I had our children because we want them. We enjoy being with them. However, they are individual people, not an extension of us, and we have lives of our own, just as they do.

I find this judgemental attitude totally bizarre. You do your thing, so let other people do theirs.

And btw, if you genuinely feel so guilty about leaving your children overnight, then there is a choice. Don't do it. The worst thing is to do it and then play the martyr card. I certainly wouldn't have expected anyone to have my kids overnight on such a regular basis - so DH and I paid a babysitter and returned home to our kids at the end of the evening.

BABYSITTER So they can tell all their friends what we have and then when we're out we get robbed hahahaha dont think so!!!! :rofl: I dont trust people much nowadays.

ONE night is fine not whole WEEK.

I dont see how its double standards. We're not desserting them for long. Im saying that I dont believe its ok to leave kids for days on end, just so I can go to some exotic place to get a suntan or whatever holiday I would like to go on.

Why is it such a hard concept for ANYONE to understand that I think leaving a YOUNG child for for a few hours is fine, but for DAYS!!!!!! I dont care how far you live from relatives.

I can see im in the minority so obviously wrong in my opinions although everything Im saying is starting to go to extremes, but I am going to stick to my opinion and I will take my children on holidays with me for as long as they are old enough to.

I just dont think its right to go away every year and leave your child behind. I had my children to share experiences and time with them, NOT to palm them off on other people. And yes I said PALM them off. and yes just like I do for a few HOURS (not DAYS) a month.

Obviously no matter how I word it I will just get criticised back. I just dont understand why having a nice break from DC's has to last days? Then again I dont think I will ever understand that, just like you obviously dont understand where Im coming from.

Perhaps I should say that I think a few hours every month or so is fine.

A long weekend for special occasions also fine

For longer than that NO WAY unless it was really unusual for certain reasons ie illness etc.

I am NOT talking about how often they are left, but for how long. There is a difference.

The whole point batwoman, is that overnight every month is fine for you. A long weekend for a special occasion is fine for you.

But not everyone agrees with you. Some people would not want to leave their children as frequently as you do. Some would happily leave them more often.

It doesn't make you right!

4

Batwoman.

We got married in Vegas, just dh and I, no guests.
We saw bands, stayed up all night, went to uber posh restaurants, spent lots of time in the casinos. We hired a 2 seater car and drove through the 120 degree desert to LA.

We could not have done this with a 6 month old, it would have been impossible. We were very lucky that my lovely parents offered to look after our baby so we could have our dream wedding.

Obviously we could have done a registry office job and not abandoned our child. We chose to do what we wanted.
So shoot me now, eh?

I don't think it's fair to try to get Batwoman to see it otherwise than she does - the remarks about babysitters and about grandparents who refuse to look after their grandchildren indicate that she has a very specific view of the world which is not going to be adapted in light of anyone's input.

But I would also say that those whose view is less specific should consult their own circumstances (and indeed their own families!) to see if they're doing the right thing by their children and their relatives in their circumstances. Which is all that matters.

I think it is noteworthy that we have not heard against from Wolliw, and hope she got enough copy.

Violethill - why does my opinion make me wrong though? Surely its an OPINION everyone is different. I honestly didnt think there were right and wrong opinions. I was just stating mine that I dont agree with going off for days without young children.

MoreCrackThanHarlem - Why would i want to shoot you? no you couldnt have done that with children so you made a choice on what YOU wanted and Im sure that your DC was well looked after. If that was the wedding I wanted I would have done it earlier (if possible fair) or done something different and maybe done that when DC was a bit older. I was PG when I got married and didnt have the wedding I wanted so we are going to renew our vows for our 10yr anniversary (assuming we're still together) and have our dream wedding then.

expatinscotland - what does 4 mean?

Bink - Sorry about my remarks about babysitters, but I really dont want a stranger in my house esp when Im not here.
And all I said about grandparents that refuse is that it DOES happen, Ive read threads about it - I cant remember and cant be bothered to look back, but did I say that I didnt know how true it was or was that something else. But like some (I think most) grandparents are MORE than happy to have grandchildren, there will be some that wont.

batwoman - what is wrong is, that you state what your family does, and extend that into a general rule about what others should do:
eg:

'ONE night is fine not whole WEEK.'

'Why is it such a hard concept for ANYONE to understand that I think leaving a YOUNG child for for a few hours is fine, but for DAYS!!!!!'

Some people would not want to do what you do. I would never have wanted to leave my children overnight regularly when they were little. Just wouldn't have felt the need to spend that time away from them. But I don't judge others who do.

Batwoman, you are entitled to your opinion.
It might be wise to modify the way in which you express it though. As I pointed out earlier, your vocabulary was inflamatory.