To think that parents should not go on holiday without their little ones.

[Wolliw]

I hear it again and again. "OH and I have a holiday booked six weeks after I'm due to give birth. Baby will be fine being passed around relatives."

It's a different kettle of fish when an older child loves spending a week with Grandma, but I often read about very young children being left with someone while their parents go on holiday. The underlying theme is that some people think they are entitled to dessert their small children in the same way as they get annual leave at work.

I think it depends on the circs. People on the thread have given vaild reasons on going on hols without their small babies and older kids.

Personally I am a big fan of kid free time, if it can be gained. Not everyone has the family members/support to do so. But more healthy for your own sanity and your relationship than the whole-hearted and often resentful complete subjugation of one's social life etc just because of the arrival of children.

The main thing that stops us from having anything other than maybe one weekend a year (normally a wedding), child free is that DH only has X days holidays a year. To take, say 5 days (which is about the max I could do without my kids without missing them to much) would make it very difficult to have a 2 week family holiday (which is a must) and some time at Christmas and so on.

But were DH to have an extra 5 days hols a year (and I could get some mad person to look after my 3 kids) you wouldn't see me for dust. But then I spend A LOT of time with my kids...

Contrast - my SiL who works away from home Monday to Friday (and sometimes all weekend - so it becomes a ten day away from home) and doesn't see her DD aged 20 months except at weekends. Her DH works fulltime, so child is in nursery 8 to 6 mon to friday. They just went to California for 11 days and left DD with her Aunt. Now that, in my book, starts veering into the dangerous "why bother having a child if you don't even want to have a family holiday"....

Tis all about balance IMO (hoping to go to NY next year for 10 year anniversary sans enfants)

YABVVVVVVVVVU

I have no family nearby. We had holidays without dc when they were small because we were just so exhausted. I didn't miss them really because I was just so grateful to get some sleep.

I left my then 6 month old for a week and pissed off to Vegas to get married.
What a bitch, eh?

Wouldn't do it now she's older cos she'd bloody kill us if we suggested it, though she does stay with gps for sleepover about once a month.

So much easier to leave them as babies or small toddlers, they have no concept of what they could be missing out on, and have not yet learnt the art of emotional blackmail to make you feel bad about going.

I left my then 6 month old for a week and pissed off to Vegas to get married.
What a bitch, eh?

Wouldn't do it now she's older cos she'd bloody kill us if we suggested it, though she does stay with gps for sleepover about once a month.

So much easier to leave them as babies or small toddlers, they have no concept of what they could be missing out on, and have not yet learnt the art of emotional blackmail to make you feel bad about going.

Bloody iPhone

yabu
I wouldn't do it, but is up to the parents.

Hmm. I left DD once for a holiday with a new man when she was 7. Went for a week. Ditched him once I got back home but that's another story. It was the only child free week I had spent in 7 years. She hated me for it for a while.

Before that and since I take her with me or just didn't go if it was impractical.

Now a relative has just had a baby but has already mentioned leaving the little one with grand parents in a few months to get away just him and DW and I'm saying NO! I don't agree with it, they are now a family and shouldn't go anywhere until the DS is old enough to enjoy it too. I sound like the older generation but I am. Now I am wondering if IABU and should just shut up.

I left my DC aged 2 and 5 weeks with my mum for a couple of nights when DH and I went away. I wasn't BF so that wasn't a problem but I really needed a break.

DS was a very unsettled baby and I was recovering both physically and mentally from from a very traumatic birth. I had no friends or family near by so jumped at the chance.
Everyone's circumstances are different and I think you shouldn't judge too harshly.

I'm surprised, Xenia, that you aren't completely relaxed about leaving two eleven year olds for three days - presumably there was an adult who was well known to them staying in the house?

at WhoIsAsking

I agree about BF but would have done anyway for a honeymoon; as it was ds1 couldn;t BF for medical reasons so that wasn't an issue at all, and back then we had GP's battling over who could take him.

I felt far, far worse when I had to miss his 3rd birthday for a training even in London for work, but we just moved his birthday to another day, not as if he knew at all.

It's not comething I could imagine doing with the others who were BF and there's every possibility I would have pulled out had that worked but it didn't so hey ho.

Apart from my sister, who was trerribly ill for months (years?) with PND and the pjhysical effects of her pregnancy (isn't allowed to have any more) who used to go away a lot and went back to work ASAP (and was annoyed she couldn't go back when baby was in NICU) I am the only person I know that did it. It is certaionly not common; I have 4 so would have encountered it.

Actually no.... friedns left their baby aged a year, they'd ahd a few hard years (lost a baby then one that surviced born prem) so no doubt a break was needed.

Indeed, I had beens everely ill durting my PG and absolutely a nrest was needed: why we changed honeymoon from Vegas to a Cruise.

It's not common and it's not wrong either. Marriages need nururing too, and for some people that is time away. DH and I were engaged but had only been together 3 months when DS1 was conceived, we still ahd foundations to build.

Riven Yup, carers do need mroe breaks: won't happen though with cuts. Lib Dems are promising a week for each carer a year just a shame they ahven't a hope in hell (they're the only parrty committing to keep DLA available for famillies with no SSD input as well, have been speaking to their HQ and they are on the ball).

'Why have kids if you don't want them with you? '

Whenever I see this old chestnut trotted out, it just makes me realise that some people really do view parenting as velcro-ing themselves to their children, not having any existence independently from them. I guess when the children are older and start to actively resent that, and don't want mum hovering over them 24/7, mum then gets resentful that she has no life of her own (and also realises that other people's children have turned out fine without being hovered over anyway!)

Personally I wouldn't choose to holiday separately from my children until they were older, but that's my personal choice. I couldn't care less what other people choose to do. If it bothers you so much, look at your own life to see what's missing

It's one week, not a lifetime away.

And TBH kids are but a phase of life: they stick around maybe 20 years usually, and then they go- by which time it's ratehr good if your relationship is still having some spark.

Most of us will live until we are @80 if we are lucky; now, I will always have ds3 here but for the majority a good 50 years of your life will be child free (allowing for a few children etc) and that time needs investing in too.

It bothers me as well. Fair enough the odd time away for certain reasons is all well and good, but to decide to go on holiday and leave DC's at home thats really uncalled for. Neglectful even.

I think once you have children they are YOUR responsibility to include them in your life.

Me and DH often leave my DC with my parents for an overnight here and there (about once every 3-4 weeks, for 1 night). However there are plenty of other things to do than go swanning off on holiday without DC. If you want to behave like you dont have children then dont bloody have them then.

I cant believe the amount of selfish parents who think its ok to have a week or so here and there away from children. Im also assuming that the relatives looking after the children dont mind being put upon like this.

You do NOT have children to dump them everywhere while you piss off doing your own thing like you didnt have them. A short break from them fair and well when needed or for urgent things, but not a holiday cos you cant be arsed to take them with you.

Of course the OP has every right to have their opinion on this matter. It doesnt mean that she has nothing better to do. Most of the time people CHOOSE to have children and should live their life like they have them, not like there are some accessary to have whenever it suits them.

The majority of posters on here are being VVVVVVVVVVVU.

batwoman, why is leaving your children for an overnight every 3 to 4 weeks respectable while leaving them for a week once in a lifetime counts as neglect?

I didn't have the luxury to leave my los with anyone once a month- so shall I decide that this constant swanning off you seem to indulge in is a totally unnecessary way of putting on your relatives and behaving as if your children didn't exist? I didn't feel the need to get away from them that often so why should you?

So it's selfish to leave children for a week with relatives, but fine to leave your children overnight with relatives once every 3/4 weeks?

How judgemental!

FWIW, I wouldn't want to take a week's holiday away from my children when they're little, but neither would I leave them with my parents for the night every 3 or 4 weeks.

I'm not judging any one who does though.

I think that regular contact/ overnight stays with trustworthy loving relatives is great for building childrens confidence/ boosting their parents sexlife/ bond.

Holidays- I can't imageon anything worse than taking a toddler on a long haul flight- surely being spoilt by friends and family will be more enjoyable for them? I wouldnt at the moment as limited holiday time we proitise but in afew years it may be a good way for my dd to get to know her extended family as they live so far away

YES COS ITS FOR ONE NIGHT WHILE WE HAVE A MEAL, GO TO THE CINEMA ETC TO GIVE US A BREAK.

ITS NOT FOR DAYS ON END!!!!!!!!!

We drop them off at 7 and pick them up at 9 in the morning. Like people have said its for a break. However our children come with us when we go on holiday cos believe it or not we like to take them with us.

We are talking about swanning off on holiday for days on end not the odd occassional night off. There is a BIG difference and if you cant see that then perhaps you need to stop being so narrowminded and thinking you either leave them with relatives for days on end or not at all. You CAN have a happy medium you know its not one or the other.

Batwoman, I think it's really sad that you imagine that grandparents would feel resentful about looking after their grandchildren.
My parents absolutely relished the opportunity to have their dgd to themselves for a whole week. My mum was really keen for me to have a great time away, she was happy she could give me that opportunity.

Dd is 9 now, and personally I wouldn't leave her for a week, she would be upset and feel excluded. That is my position on my family, and does not mean other parents should feel the same.

When she was a baby she barely noticed I was gone, and her week with her grandarents strengthened their relationship.

You are judgemental in the extreme, without knowing the circumstances of each particular case.
Would you feel resentful looking after your grandchild for a week? Because I am certain I would not.

I'm leaving my kids for 5 weeks this Summer to work abroad. I don't have to leave them - I could do another job.

Yes, they are my responsiblity, but not solely my responsibility. There are other adults who also love them and want to share that responsibility.

MoreCrackThanHarlem

Yes I said I assume that the GP are fine that they are not put upon. The reason why I said that is cos DH's cousin keeps leaving her DC with DH's aunt and all aunt does is whinge about it. She feels put upon in that way and I said Im assuming that the relatives that DO have the child are ok with it as I know most are.

However there will be the few (Ive read about them) that do honestly think that once their children have grown up and moved out they are free from all child looking after responsibilities and refuse to look after their grandchildren.

' Im also assuming that the relatives looking after the children dont mind being put upon like this.'

This suggests you feel the relatives are indeed being 'put upon'.

The whole tone of your post and it's vocabulary is judgemental, 'swanning off' 'pissing off' 'can't be arsed to take them' 'dumping them'.

Nasty and judgemental, imo.
You know nothing about the circumstances. My dd didn't go to nursery, I was her sole carer for almost 5 years. We are as close as can be. She has been on family holidays with us every year of her life. We choose a holiday we feel we will all enjoy.
We wanted to get married in Vegas and we were fortunate to have the support to be able to do that.
Yet you think I'm selfish for leaving her with loving grandparents for a week?