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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that parents should not go on holiday without their little ones.

212 replies

Wolliw · 26/02/2010 13:32

I hear it again and again. "OH and I have a holiday booked six weeks after I'm due to give birth. Baby will be fine being passed around relatives."

It's a different kettle of fish when an older child loves spending a week with Grandma, but I often read about very young children being left with someone while their parents go on holiday. The underlying theme is that some people think they are entitled to dessert their small children in the same way as they get annual leave at work.

OP posts:
bubblagirl · 26/02/2010 16:49

i know riven but i would still like to be able to offer some help x

thesecondcoming · 26/02/2010 16:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

babybarrister · 26/02/2010 17:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

stupidgreatgrinonmyface · 26/02/2010 17:38

Well, we left DS1 with my parents when he was 12 weeks old. DH won a fantastic trip abroad which had to be taken at a certain time. My mum was more than happy to have DS1 for the week and it was lovely to have the time for us. Mind you, the next time DH and I managed to get away without DCs was 20 years later!
Wouldn't have done it for a regular holiday, but this really was something very special and a never to be repeated opportunity.

Portofino · 26/02/2010 18:00

I work full time and dd goes to kids club on holiday, because she WANTS to. Mum and Dad are no competition for a bunch of 5-9 year olds running round like loons/putting on a show/painting etc. It's only a few hours a day anyhow. Is it only me that thinks that children actually have FUN?

Aim1984 · 26/02/2010 18:16

I left my 2 year old son Last November as it was my mums 50th birthday so i treated her and me to a luxury week away to Egypt I must admit leaving him was tough and I felt so guily but it was so nice to have that break and be able to relax and he had a fab week with his dad having lots of days out and spending a bit of quality father and son time.
It's done him no harm and to be honest was so nice when I got back because I appreciated my time with him so much more, Its tough being a parent sometimes and I think we can all be guilty of taking our kids for granted.

Unlike many parents I unfortunatley don't have anyone that has my son for me so we are together 24/7 a lot of my friends with children have grandparents that take them for the day or for weekends we dont have this option sadly.

I know for sure I definatley could not leave my newborn baby and dont know any other parents that could either!!

weegiemum · 26/02/2010 18:20

I left dd1 when she was 5 months old for 7 nights as I had a holiday booked where I had agreed to go with my Gran before I got pg.

I (really!!) expressed enough milk for her and left it - there was a whole freezer shelf of it! Dh had a few days off work, MIL came to stay and looked after her.

My Gran is now dead. I will have loads of time with now 10yo dd1 and she doesn't remember it. That time with Gran is immensely precious to me and I have not one regret about it, there are some very special memories in there.

I expressed enough while I was away to keep up my supply (though pouring it away was heartbreaking!!) and went on to feed to 12 months.

Dh and I have had several holidays without the kids - very important for us. When we moved house when the kids were 2, 4 and 6 my parents said "we'll take the kids for a few days to let you unpack and settle in" and so we said thanks a lot and booked ourselves on the next easyjet to Paris!

fluffles · 26/02/2010 18:52

nobody i know has left their LO before at least six months.

my SIL and BIL left their first child at about 3yo for a holiday before having their second child.

my friends just left a 8mo and 3yo at the grandparents for a week's skiing for his 40th birthday. they love their LOs dearly but they live in london for work while all the grandparents are up here in scotland so nights out aren't an option, they just took all their three-years worth of babysitting in one week

PreachyPeachyRantsALot · 26/02/2010 18:57

DH and I ewent away on Honeymoonwhen ds1 was 10 weeks

He's now 10 years

Yet to see trhe problem

presumably as he does indeed have the wordPeach somewhere in his name, he is a pie? Or a Melba?

PreachyPeachyRantsALot · 26/02/2010 19:02

(Actually we've gone on to be carers and MIL now no longer sopeaks to us let alone babysits and we moved away from family so we were lucky to get that time together, can't see any more before we die frankly (DS3 will always be with us))

runnybottom · 26/02/2010 19:04

Person with child dares to something for themselves?

Shock and horror. Like mothers (and you do mean mothers, not parents) need another stick to be beaten with.

Who fucking cares? Seriously?

I left my 2 yr old with his gran for 6 nights away with DH when pregnant with no2. A colleague told me I was cruel and heartless. Cruel? Locking him in a cupboard for a week would be cruel, leaving him to be spoiled rotten and doted in with loving relatives is not cruel.

squiby2004 · 26/02/2010 19:05

Ok so shoot me ..

I left my DD at 16 weeks with my PIL for a week away with H. We found an unplanned pregnancy with massive complications very, very stressful and we needed some time alone together. We have enjoyed 1 holiday without DD every year since too and she is nearly 6. I couldn't give a toss what other people think, I firmly believe that week saved both my relationship and my sanity so anyone who cares to pass judgment can go whistle!!

loobylu3 · 26/02/2010 19:10

I don't know anyone who has left a tiny baby of a few weeks old. I think that's really sad

I think it's fine with in an older child though- sometimes a few days away can make you a better and more patient parent!

Northernlurker · 26/02/2010 19:16

Of course it is reasonable to holiday without your children. Personally I wouldn't choose to go away on holiday without them but the dcs have stayed with grandparents for a week at a time for years now and I've loved it! We've also left them for a night or two.

I don't think doing what friends of friends did is on though. They booked a fortnight away for themselves and then sent an e-mail (a frigging e-mail!) to grandparents/aunts/sisters to say (and I quote) 'We're off to Bermuda next month - who wants the kids? First come, first served'

Now that's an overly inflated sense of entitlement.....

Morloth · 26/02/2010 19:20

Now that is bloody cheeky NorthernLurker.

sarah293 · 26/02/2010 19:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Northernlurker · 26/02/2010 19:25

Yes indeed Morloth - this was with children under five by the way - who were challenging in behaviour by all reports....

cory · 26/02/2010 19:31

loobylu3 Fri 26-Feb-10 19:10:31
"I don't know anyone who has left a tiny baby of a few weeks old. I think that's really sad"

Err...dh and ds left me when he was a few weeks old- for dh to visit his (as we thought) dying father and show him his only grandson before it was too late. To me, this is absolutely no worse (and far more important) than my taking ds away from dh when he was 3 months old, to visit my parents. Which I managed to do without a qualm.

Left dd for a work trip when she was 4 months old, but she was with her dad, so for her really no difference.

Oblomov · 26/02/2010 19:39

loobyloo, loads of people do it. Not on MN obviously. because this is the most child centered website EVER and thus such a thing is a crime here. But really, it is not sad. lots of poeple , in RL do it. and it is not such a bad thing.

Ewe · 26/02/2010 19:47

Can't remember who said earlier that it must be different for a newborn, only problem I can see is about disrupting breastfeeding which is why I personally didn't go on holiday until my DD was six months old.

My Mum was desperate to get her hands on DD. If I had wanted to go away when DD was a couple of months old she would have been thrilled and I am sure DD would have been fine, she is very close to my Mum and there is nothing I can do that she can't apart from the breastfeeding issue.

I think this is obviously dependent on your own family set up and relationships. All my family have been and still are very involved in raising my child. It is harder to leave her now at 2!

Babyonboardinthesticks · 26/02/2010 19:50

I wouldn't want to leave a baby when I was breastfeeding simply because of the bond and the difficulty of expressing etc but we did leave our 1 and 3 year old when I was pregnant for a week with their daily nanny who looked after them 5 days a week anyway and grandparents and greataunt. It was a nice break but i did feel when we got back it was a bit long to be away from 1 and 3 year olds (for me and possibly for them) and we didn't do it again. When they get older it's easier but even now - this week I was away in Dubai for 3 nights for work and I don't think it's ideal. I try to minimise business trips (the children are 11).

Oblomov · 26/02/2010 20:05

I left ds2 when I was bf'ing. He was 2 months old. For NYEve party, with dh and ds1. I left him with my sil, who I trust implicitly. I had had 2 months of severe sleep deprivation at this point, up 15-20 times per night. another 1.5 months followed. I expressed and expressed. Best thing I ever did.

FiveGoMadInDorset · 26/02/2010 20:09

We have been away twice without DD, was bliss and then DS came along and things changed.

My parents annually from when my sister was about 4 left us for up to 4 weeks on the trot.

BrahmsThirdRacket · 26/02/2010 20:11

I think it's great for couples to get some time alone without the children, really crucial to keeping the bond imo. Children will be perfectly happy, esp if left with GPs who will spoil them rotten

loobylu3 · 26/02/2010 20:30

Oblomov- if 'loads of people' really do it, then I guess my friends/ acquaintances and I must be a particularly child centered bunch.

As I said before, I was referring to the OP, ie leaving a six week old baby for a holiday, not an older child, not for just one night and not to visit a dying relative. Those situations are entirely different to a planned holiday of a week or so.

In my opinion, it is sad to want to leave a newborn baby for this reason and for this period of time. If you disagree, that's fine!