Is my dh being unreasonable to not one to serve a b/feeding mother at the counter???

[twotimes]

Twas talking to the dh this morning when he brought up an incident that happened in work the other day. He was working in a a well known mobile phone shop behind the counter when a woman came in with her daughter and her three kids. Both the women were at the counter discussing mobile options with dh whilst two of the children were running around the shop. All of a sudden mid conversation dh turned to get a phone and when he had turned back the daughter had whopped them out and started b/feeding. And he hasten's to add - with absolutely no modesty, just in her full glory. I should note, the baby was *not8 crying or making a sound before hand. Was he being unreasonable to be mortified??????

Now this isn't completely serious, he wasn't rude, he just carried on serving but felt the need to tell me about it later. He isn't a prude, I b/fed both dc's and all his family b/feed that isn't the issue. What he keeps going on about, is that "she didn't even cover".

At first I just pissed my self laughing (I could literally imagine his face) but then I thought seriously, people should be able to b/feed but at a counter in a shop, with no discretion?

Wannabe BF and walking topless down the street are incomparable, unless of course the woman is walking down the street topless whilst breasfeeding...

I also find it tiresome that if you raise any objection to any aspect of a woman breastfeeding you are cast as some sort of woman-hating prude.

I breastfed both my babies and managed to avoid ever exposing my tits to the bloke in Carphone Warehouse.

I think the crap customer service skills comment was sarcastic.

I am currently 35w pregnant with DD1 and doing a lot of research on BF. I am not natively british and come from a country where BF in public is actively encouraged (australia). It is illegal to stop a woman from BF anywhere she wants to, be it in a public library, in the park or in a mobile phone store. Any business that tried to stop a woman from doing so (asking her to leave/chucking her off the bus etc) would find themselves on the sharp end of a discrimination action very fast indeed.

Anyway, what i find really odd about this whole debate is that people feel the need to cover up when they are BF in public.

Dont you think that by draping yourself in muslins/scarfs etc and hiding away in the corner of a BF friendly cafe that you are tacitly buying into the whole argument that what you are doing is something that needs to be hidden?

I am not saying that I think it is easy to just whip your top up/down and feed baby but by hiding in a corner under a tent I think people are giving more ammunition to the anti BF crew.

BF should be no more controversial and raise no more eyebrows than a parent feeding their weaned baby.

Well yes Tweedy I breastfed three without doing it, but then i'd not be caught dead in the carphone warehouse.

We're not judging OPs DH for working there.

It is natural and normal to BF so why would you raise an objection to it, i seriously doubt the womans boob was on display for longer than a second.

Got to agree with Tweedy, why is it that if a man complains about a woman breastfeeding in public right in front of him (it's not like he could walk away) it's because he sexualises breasts? If a woman complains about the same thing she's a breastfeeding Nazi? It's an opinion, we are allowed opinion's no? If he'd have said anything to her I would have had a go at him, but he didn't. Wow, didn't really expect such a reaction.

I do get that larger cupped women may find it harder to be discrete (if they so choose to be), but I do stop short of asking dh what size he thought she was

agree with you TweedyneeCole

And why are people saying 'discrete' instead of 'discreet'?

because my spell check accepts discrete so of course I didn't notice it.

"Is pulling your top down to reveal your breasts the same as breastfeeding (which I thought involved latching a baby on) then?
"

no but the logic being used to chastise the husband here remains the same. If you are looking at the face you wouldn't notice.

Displayuntil, nobody is paying attention to our cry for understanding re larger breasts

I would have loved to BF with little ol' C-cups or whatever. Piece of piss.

I was all ready to come back atcha display but strike me - I've been confusing discreet and discrete for years. Glad I checked first

SugarPlumFairy - I don't agree that those of us who are discreet when BFing are adding weight to the argument that what we are doing is something to be ashamed of.
If it's possible to BF without revealing a whole breast then why would you reveal a whole breast just for the sake of it?

Why should she have gone and sat down? If she was capable of and comfortable to feed standing up?

Would your husband have had a problem if a young, attractive woman had come in wearing skimpy clothes? Or given her toddler a sandwich because s/he was hungry?

displayuntil - So because you can do that everyone can?

Thanks Bertie, of course the crap customer service skills comment was sarcastic.

You see, the point is that he could turn and reach for a phone and continue the conversation. She could bfeed and still continue the conversation. The rest is all a matter of opinion and conjecture. The woman may have had to expose the nipple fully to latch the baby on and your dh just glanced at that moment, she may have whipped her top off (in the middle of Feb, brave woman) and squirted milk all over a brand new i phone. Who the heck knows. Hyperbolic language like 'whopped out' just leads the discussion a certain way, mention of other children running around is building a picture of a woman who doesn't care about appropriate behaviour. You are leading people with your langage and description. All this stealthy 'aah but there was a chair', 'the baby wasn't crying' is adding judgements aside from the matter you want to discuss. Fine, talk about discretion during bfing, it's an interesting and relevant thing. And of course no bfing woman is immune to criticism because she's lactating.

And of course I judge, I'm human. I never said I didn't.

And, as I mentioned before, my breasts were massive when breastfeeding so there would be no chance that people wouldn't gawp if I sat there with them on full display! They'd be hard pressed not to do a double take tbh.
I'm not bothered if someone can tell I'm breastfeeding but I don't go out of my way to draw attention to it just as I wouldn't go out of my way to draw attention to anything I was doing out in public.

If it is possible to be a bit descreet then maybe you should be, but the breastfeeding campaigne is being pushed harder and harder and people will just have to get used to it. Thats what they are there for. Glad your DH carried on serving OP, good for him, even though he was a bit

twotimes, look up 'discrete' and 'discreet' in a dictionary before you start teaching .

The problem with this sort of thread is that phrases like "whopping them out" and "feeding discretely" are completely subjective.

So, to me the phrase "whopping them out" suggests both breasts, fully exposed, possibly shaken in the poor dh's face. Which is obviously extreme to say the least.

The op's dh may mean "I caught a 1 second flash of the customers double As O.M.G!"

Likewise, feeding discretely to me means not "whopping them out" (as I understand it), but to the op's dh it might mean feeding in a locked room wearing a burkha - who's to know?

spicegherkin - because I can do what?

breast feed without revealing the whole of my breast?

gherkin, believe me, if a woman with 34J breasts can breastfeed without revealing her whole breast then I defy anyone else to say they can't (unless they are a K cup or bigger)

It's quite hard to feed discreetly when standing up

We rarely see breasts (partic. normal ones) on display so I think it's fine to feel shocked or intrigued or whatever you fancy TBH, as long as you don't actually start stroking them in admiration

Your DH's response was visceral but to keep serving politely shows that he is a well brought-up chappie

I was discreet when breastfeeding. I wasn't ashamed. I didn't hide. There is a difference.

Breasts are seen by both men and women as a private - and sexual - part of the body until the moment we become parents and establish breastfeeding. BF-ing is of course natural, normal and should be acceptable to all, but it is common sense and good manners to take into consideration those around you just a tiny bit.

It's completely naive and quite bonkers, imo, to think it's perfectly OK to hold a conversation with the man who is selling you a phone while your breasts are exposed.

I have a b-cup and still managed to exposure myself.

SugarPlumFairy - I liked your post and I wonder if it's different here because British women are generally more discreet/think about etiquette more than other countries. We can be overly 'good mannered' at times.

I don't think she should have had to worry about discretion tbh -- in any case what, one person considers to be as discreet as they can realistically manage, another person may still be about. So you can't win, may as well just do what is most comfortable for the baby and the mum.

The number of disturbing things we see every day out and about in the average town, anyway ... a breast is only a breast, hardly a threat to society.