Is my dh being unreasonable to not one to serve a b/feeding mother at the counter???

[twotimes]

Twas talking to the dh this morning when he brought up an incident that happened in work the other day. He was working in a a well known mobile phone shop behind the counter when a woman came in with her daughter and her three kids. Both the women were at the counter discussing mobile options with dh whilst two of the children were running around the shop. All of a sudden mid conversation dh turned to get a phone and when he had turned back the daughter had whopped them out and started b/feeding. And he hasten's to add - with absolutely no modesty, just in her full glory. I should note, the baby was *not8 crying or making a sound before hand. Was he being unreasonable to be mortified??????

Now this isn't completely serious, he wasn't rude, he just carried on serving but felt the need to tell me about it later. He isn't a prude, I b/fed both dc's and all his family b/feed that isn't the issue. What he keeps going on about, is that "she didn't even cover".

At first I just pissed my self laughing (I could literally imagine his face) but then I thought seriously, people should be able to b/feed but at a counter in a shop, with no discretion?

"If he was then I would say it was the same as people talking on mobile phones when you are serving them."

Nothing like this at all. It is like feeding a baby whilst standing at a counter.

Think what we are saying.....

FEEDING a baby. Yes giving a baby some food. God forbid we should attend to their basic human needs!

haaaaa!! at feeding a baby (that depends on you for its survival) being compared to answering your phone.

coralanne really?

She sound like an exhibitionist. Lot of it about!

I guess that wasn't the most appropriate analogy.

Have reread the post and I now realise that he was only embarrassed because the mum didn't cover herself up.

I originally thought his gripe was because she came into his shop to be served by him and then went off at a tangent while he was serving her.

In my local shopping centre, they have nice comfy armchairs where you can sit and rest or BF or chat or whatever.

Just seems a bit strange that you would enter a shop with the express purpose of making a purchase and pull out a boob in the middle of the transaction.

Poster already said that the baby wasn't crying.

Just a query! Do some mums use the boob as a pacifer sometimes?

I know when I had DS he seemed to need feeding every two hours.

When I had DD I thought there was something wrong with her because I would feed her and then she would sleep for 5 hours.

Even took her to the Dr. (I think he thought I was mad). DD was putting on heaps of weight so no need to worry.

A pacifer is a fake breast, not the other way around.

A breastfed baby uses a breast for both milk and comfort and that is how a baby should use a breast. You can not over feed an exclusively breastfed baby, so there is no need to limit time or frequency at the breast.

However a dummy is often given to a formula fed baby, when the baby wants comfort and the mother does not think the baby needs milk at that moment. As it is possible to over feed a formula fed baby it is good that there are dummies for those babies who want them.

Most babies show feeding cues indicting they want to feed, including the very late cue of crying. A lot of mothers learn to pick up on their baby's early feeding cues and hence no crying. To an outsider the mother picked up the baby and fed him/her for no reason. To the mother it was clear the baby needed milk and was about to scream the shop down if the milk was not given shortly.

HTH

babieseverywhere that is an excellenet post. what i would have said only you said it more eloquently.

"A pacifer is a fake breast, not the other way around".

Agree!

I sometimes think that people who haven't had the experience of unselfconscious, true breastfeeding on demand, simply have no understanding of the role it plays in the day to day interaction of mother and baby. Bottlefeeding can be so, so different (although some people breastfeed to a sort of 'bottlefeeding model' - ie, treat the breastfeeds like 'meals'. Those may well be the people who aren't up for feeding on the run and who don't understand why a mum wouldn't go to a feeding room to bf her baby.

The breastfeeding interplay between mum and baby is very subtle sometimes and obviously far far more than just about the milk, and getting food down a baby.

I remember having to quick put my DD on the breast at the first sign of agitation. You can tell when they want it, they give out strong cues. If I had waited for her to cry I would have had an instant letdown reflex and so was easier to get in there quick!

Believe me leaking breasts are NOT what you want to see when serving a customer!

I've an idea.

Those of you with strong ideas about it being important to feed discreetly, why don't you make me a list of instructions? Such as;

YOU MUST make sure not more than 2 square inches of breast are visible at any one time.
YOU MUST NOT feed your baby whilst engaged in any activity which others deem more important - such activities include...etc
YOU MUST make every effort to be as invisible as possible.
The ONLY acceptable time to feed your baby is if they are screaming with hunger. It is unacceptable to put them to the breast for any other reason. Especially comfort.
Please be aware that the act breastfeeding will henceforth be renamed "whopping em out" or occasionally referred to as "flashing your dugs".

and so on.

And you could perhaps include suggestions for those breastfeeding mums unwilling or unable to meet said conditions. Give up breastfeeding? Stay at home under house arrest? Buy a burkha? Become social pariahs? Whatever you think appropriate.

And when the rule book of "other people's opinions on the socially acceptable techniques of breastfeeding your child" has been completed, I think maybe I'd like to have a crack at dictating HOW other people feed their children, too.

Or, we could perhaps leave each other alone. And, you know, chill a bit.

After reading Babieseverywere reply I now realise that I must have been a total faiure at breastfeeding.

Both children exclusively breastfeed until 9 months. Small amount of solids from 6 months.

But I now find that that was not enough. I should have been pulling the boob out every 5 minutes to "comfort" them.

They were happy, I was happy so I think we shall leave it at that.

No they did not have artificial dummies or pacifiers.

Well done coralanne. You have now achieved a degree of defensiveness about your parenting choices which qualifies you for a mumsnet medal, specially inscribed with the immortal words 'Are you saying I is a bad muvver, innit?'

Anyone else like one?

Ahhh Windy. Missed you!

Thanks for the medal tittybangbang.

I feel much better now. I really thought I was going to have some counselling sessions.

Forgot to

coralanne, Try reading my post. No where do I say that "I should have been pulling the boob out every 5 minutes to "comfort" them."

Lets try again. If you exclusively breastfed your child (like you did) some of the feeds they take will be for nutrients, some will be for comfort, many will be a mixture of both. It doesn't matter what frequency the feeds are as long as you are responding to the child's cues.

Thank you Babieseverywhere for your very condescending explanation.

I can almost visualise you typing v e r y slowly so that I get the message.

Do you honestly believe that mums who formula feed don't interact with their babies when they are feeding them.?

They hold them close to their bodies and have eye contact and talk to them.

Yes, I know we all see the odd ones pushing the babies in prams with a bottle of milk propped up with a blanket etc, but the majority spend as much one on one time nuturing and bonding with their baby as mums who BF.

They are even known to pick their babies up and interact with them i.e. cuddling,hugging etc. when they are not due for a feed.

Sorry I'm usually a pretty placid person and go along with live and let live theory but every now and then I just feel so sorry for mums who FF.

coralanne i dont think babieseverywhere is saying that at all.

she is saying that a breastfed baby gets more than just nutrients from having a breastfeed.

a bottle of formula only provides nutrients.

she is not saying that the mother/father/carer of a bottle fed baby doesnt interact or cuddle with the baby while feeding.

there is a difference to what she said and how you have interpreted it.

i cant believe there is now a 3rd generation of people arguing on this fucking thread

the attitudes of some people here almost put me off breastfeeding, so over zealous and partonising about FF

All Ican say, she was lucky they even noticed her coz I find mobile phone stores the worst places to get the salesman's attention. And they are always Men, it caught his attention and it worked she got service. I see where I have been going wrong all these years

Blah blah blah you only get nutrients from formula milk strange mine were ff and comforted and we bonded etc etc- the shocker is THEY ARE STILL ALIVE

redredwine are you saying the formula and the bottle provided the comfort and bonding?

yes whats the shocker there- because my breasticle is not in the babys mouth means they are held at arms length/ignored/not even looked at?

i asked you if you thought the bottle and the formula provided the comfort and bonding, i didn't ask if you provided it while feeding the baby with a bottle of formula.

nobody said that bottle fed babies are ignored.

coralanne ,

"Do you honestly believe that mums who formula feed don't interact with their babies when they are feeding them.?"

Where do I say or suggest anything like this !

I actually went back and reread both my posts on this thread, wondering how I am suddenly on the receiving end of your aggressive posts.

Judge me on what I actually write if you feel that is appropriate, but please don't criticize me by making up statements, which don't reflect what I meant, said or even thought.

I accept you may of been mistaken (twice) in thinking I hold opinions which I don't but if you choose to misunderstand me a third time, I will not be as understanding.