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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is my dh being unreasonable to not one to serve a b/feeding mother at the counter???

502 replies

twotimes · 26/02/2010 10:02

Twas talking to the dh this morning when he brought up an incident that happened in work the other day. He was working in a a well known mobile phone shop behind the counter when a woman came in with her daughter and her three kids. Both the women were at the counter discussing mobile options with dh whilst two of the children were running around the shop. All of a sudden mid conversation dh turned to get a phone and when he had turned back the daughter had whopped them out and started b/feeding. And he hasten's to add - with absolutely no modesty, just in her full glory. I should note, the baby was *not8 crying or making a sound before hand. Was he being unreasonable to be mortified??????

Now this isn't completely serious, he wasn't rude, he just carried on serving but felt the need to tell me about it later. He isn't a prude, I b/fed both dc's and all his family b/feed that isn't the issue. What he keeps going on about, is that "she didn't even cover".

At first I just pissed my self laughing (I could literally imagine his face) but then I thought seriously, people should be able to b/feed but at a counter in a shop, with no discretion?

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 26/02/2010 11:32

LadyintheRadiator (and others) , did you miss the point that the OP's DH carried on serving and made no comment?

Personally I think the mother was a little unreasonable. Of course you can bf anywhere but IMO it is common courtesy to show some discretion, just as it is common courtesy for other people to turn a blind eye whether they like it or not.

TweedyneeCole · 26/02/2010 11:33

Agree with SoupDragon

BadGardener · 26/02/2010 11:33

but Otter, if it's ok to hold a baby, to soothe it, to jiggle it, why not to use the most efficient and quickest method of calming it, feeding it? If you're an experienced bfer it takes far less of your concentration than talking on a mobile (which I agree is v rude and annoying).

ShowOfHands · 26/02/2010 11:34

I love the idea of discrete breastfeeding. Maybe she could have left her baby and breasts on the counter for your dh to deal with and gone and sat in the corner. That would be nicely discrete.

[sarcasticpedant]

I very much dislike your leading OP and hyperbolic language. Nobody 'whopped' anything out I suspect and what if they did? Your OP reads as thinly-veiled bitchiness and you're just inviting people to judge.

All this children running round the shop, baby not even crying rubbish, you're judge judge judgy pants.

So yes he was BU especially for turning and reaching for a phone mid conversation. Crap customer service skills. And slow reaching if she had chance to strip half naked in the meantime.

Original poster
twotimes · 26/02/2010 11:35

ok my bad, let me clarify. I haven't read all the posts yet but thought I'd quickly point out that I said "whooped them out" in my op but that was just what he said. She actually took down her top which exposed the most breast, and when he looked baby was not latched on yet. However he was shocked because, firstly there is a chair in the shop where she could have easily gone and sat, she really didn't need to do it at the counter. Her mother was there so he could have dealt with her, whilst she was feeding and then when finished she could continue to be served.

As I said, he's used to me b/feeding, and I did literally feed whenever dc's needed to be fed but did so with discretion. And to be fair he said absolutely nothing to her, just a little gripe at me about it.

Now I'm going to read the rest of the comments and get repost lol.

OP posts:
LadyintheRadiator · 26/02/2010 11:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SpicedGerkin · 26/02/2010 11:39

I think your DH was BU for looking at her boobs in the first place, if he was focused on her face he wouldn't have seen anything.

As said above does he whinge tell you every time someone comes into the shop, half dressed and flashing more flesh than a pulled down top, in the summer?

DorotheaPlenticlew · 26/02/2010 11:40

Discretion is all relative IMO. I am a 34GG and when I was BF my boobs were far bigger than DS's head. No matter what I did, neckline down, hem up, layers ... it NEVER looked discreet. A muslin over DS's head just made him wail and cry and flail, so that was no help.

to notions of respect, discretion or common courtesy if they impede on a wee baby's comfort or need for sustenance. Or if they are literally impossible to achieve because your boobs are huge, heavy and unwieldy (I would speculate that most people without very large breasts have absolutely no idea how genuinely awkward they can be to cover up, how differently they affect clothes, etc).

skidoodle · 26/02/2010 11:40

PMSL @ ShowOfHands

OtterInaSkoda · 26/02/2010 11:41

BadGardener you are of course completely right.

stleger · 26/02/2010 11:43

I work in a bookshop, and had a customer in with a toddler one day. She was paying, and I said 'She is getting heavy to carry now', whilst at the same time realising she was feeding the toddler. After breastfeeing my own 3 babies, you'd think I'd have copped on!

ShowOfHands · 26/02/2010 11:44

So he just had a little gripe or he keeps going on about it? One or the other.

mayorquimby · 26/02/2010 11:45

"I think your DH was BU for looking at her boobs in the first place, if he was focused on her face he wouldn't have seen anything."

that's a bit ridiculous. are you saying that if you were talking to someone and they pulled down their top to reveal their breasts you wouldn't notice and that if you did it meant that you had actually been staring at her tits the whole time?

displayuntilbestbefore · 26/02/2010 11:46

LadyInTheRadiator - I see what you're saying but tbh I BF all 3 of my dcs in public if the need arose but I didn't for a moment think I would just reveal a bosom to all and sundry if it wasn't necessary more for my sake than anyone else's. There will always be some bloke who just sees a breast as a sexual thing and I don't fancy giving anyone any titillation when BF even if it is the natural thing to bf.
I think OP is extreme and I doubt there was any great reveal, maybe just more than her DH would have expected in the middle of selling a mobile phone to someone.
It's not the BF in public that seems odd, it's the way the woman did it because I, for one, wouldn't have BF in those circumstances and believe me, I have breastfed pretty much anywhere and everywhere (apart from the toilets which is where a lot of wedding venues I attended seemed to suggest I should go)

nancydrewrocks · 26/02/2010 11:46

Otterinaskoda the reason the things you suggest- reading a book reapplying lipstick having a phone conversation - are considered to be rude in these circumstances are because they divert the attention of the person performing them from the original task. If you are going to ask for advice/assistance in a shop them you should have the courtesy to listen to/receive it without distraction.

BF does not cuase this sort of distraction and so IMHO does not apply. The mother was presumably not hindered in her ability to continue to converse with the assistant.

LadyintheRadiator · 26/02/2010 11:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TweedyneeCole · 26/02/2010 11:48

To me, discrete breastfeeding is not whacking out your complete naked breast in a shop. it;s not a huge ask.

Mind you, I have never actually seen any woman do this...

DorotheaPlenticlew · 26/02/2010 11:49

lol Lady

MarshaBrady · 26/02/2010 11:49

I bet the baby did that little head nodding thing they do just before they cry for a feed (always easier to just start bf before the crying).

I'm not keen on the top down variety of clothing for me or standing up to bf but hey other than that it isn't as bad as your dh describes.

wannaBe · 26/02/2010 11:49

I find this notion that the mere fact this woman was breastfeeding somehow makes her immune to any kind of criticism bizarre. It is possible to go ott on both sides of the argument, and it does not automatically follow that breastfeeding mother is always right and critic is always wrong.

it is not, for instance, unreasonable for a mother to breastfeed her baby in public, be that in a cafe/shop/park/on a bus/. But equally it is not unreasonable for those people sharing said public area to not want a full view of the woman's breasts, whether there is a baby currently attached to them or not.

If you can't really see what's going on then there would be no issue. But just whipping out your boobs in public and having them on full display is unreasonable, whatever the purpose of doing that.

Society doesn't condone women walking topless down the street, that doesn't change just because she has a baby.

GhoulsAreLoud · 26/02/2010 11:50

Oh my god, I saw something similar in a shop once. A woman was being served in a shop and while she was being served she fed her baby a bottle of formula!!! The baby wasn't even crying or anything!!! I was absolutely horrified!!! Imagine not having the decency to not feed a small baby whilst doing something else!!!!!!

SoupDragon · 26/02/2010 11:51

"So yes he was BU especially for turning and reaching for a phone mid conversation. Crap customer service skills"

SoH, you get that he was working in a phone shop and by "turned to get a phone" he could easily have been picking a phone up to show the customer?! Hardly crap customer service skills!

SpicedGerkin · 26/02/2010 11:52

According to the OP he turned back to cop an eyefull of boob.

I am mearly pointing out that he'd have had to have been paying a lot of attention to that area to see more than he should.

Surely that is no more an unreasonable thing to assume than saying the woman was parading her tits about?

I didn't see the bit where OP said the woman was flashing.

Original poster
twotimes · 26/02/2010 11:52

Ladyintheradiator you need to calm down firstly. It's just a conversation and yes my op might have sounded exaggerated but unfortunately I am that type of person. I am very verbose in rl and so why shouldn't I be when conversing on MN. Or are we only allowed to speak in a specific robotic manner?

ShowofHands same to you too I love hyperbole, otherwise English can be very dull. (I'm training to be an English teacher can you tell ). Also, I'm not bitching, I thought it was funny more than anything else; as I said as he told me and I imagined his very oldfashioned face at the moment, if I was judging anybody I was judging him. Besides the fact the children were running around the shop. So do mine, I'm always turning to call them back, they're young and get bored easily. I think you're being a little sensitive and plus, if you believe you don't judge people you're lying to yourself. You just judged me on one post without further questioning . Finally
"So yes he was BU especially for turning and reaching for a phone mid conversation. Crap customer service skills. And slow reaching if she had chance to strip half naked in the meantime" He works in a phone shop and they came in for a phone so he reached behind the counter to get the phone that the customers watnted.

Wow, that was hard work

OP posts:
displayuntilbestbefore · 26/02/2010 11:53

LOL at LadyInTheRadiator

IMO the whole public breastfeeding thing can often depend on your cup size. I have always been ample bosomed and even more so during BFing period and some smaller breasted women can BF much easier when they are out about than those of us with more unwieldy chests.
I would probably be less concerned with finding a quieter corner to BF in if I had been able to feed my babies with pert little bosoms that didn't flop out all over the place during the latching on stage. For me, it was necessary to sit down somewhere because I needed a couple of hands to support the bosom let alone the baby