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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is my dh being unreasonable to not one to serve a b/feeding mother at the counter???

502 replies

twotimes · 26/02/2010 10:02

Twas talking to the dh this morning when he brought up an incident that happened in work the other day. He was working in a a well known mobile phone shop behind the counter when a woman came in with her daughter and her three kids. Both the women were at the counter discussing mobile options with dh whilst two of the children were running around the shop. All of a sudden mid conversation dh turned to get a phone and when he had turned back the daughter had whopped them out and started b/feeding. And he hasten's to add - with absolutely no modesty, just in her full glory. I should note, the baby was *not8 crying or making a sound before hand. Was he being unreasonable to be mortified??????

Now this isn't completely serious, he wasn't rude, he just carried on serving but felt the need to tell me about it later. He isn't a prude, I b/fed both dc's and all his family b/feed that isn't the issue. What he keeps going on about, is that "she didn't even cover".

At first I just pissed my self laughing (I could literally imagine his face) but then I thought seriously, people should be able to b/feed but at a counter in a shop, with no discretion?

OP posts:
morningpaper · 26/02/2010 12:29

cool Rhubarb, I shall add your blog to my links of Friends' Blogs That I Occasionally Read

I keep thinking I should start blogging again but then panic that I might be scuppering all my chances of ever having a career by filling the internet with my paranoid and obcene ramblings

StealthPolarBear · 26/02/2010 12:30

ronshar, yes, quite agree, no one else's business. so if that's what works for her, gvood on her, no one else's business.

I am quite angry at attitudes on this thread of couldn't she have waited / gone to sit in the chair etc. Bf is a normal part of life - why shouldn't she get on with her life while feeding her child. It's a short step from that to "why doesn't she express / give formula while out and about?"

LaurieFairyCake · 26/02/2010 12:30

I'd admire any woman managing to stand at a counter, weigh up the merits of a phone, and breastfeed both twins at once

now that's feckin multi-tasking...

StealthPolarBear · 26/02/2010 12:31

pmsl at there's an app for that
QOTW

Rhubarb · 26/02/2010 12:32

Mine is an unapologetic ad for work MP.

I'm thinking of putting up a picture of my boobies on there to attract more visitors, what do you think?

OtterInaSkoda · 26/02/2010 12:32

MP - I would be bloody impressed by any woman who could feed twins while standing and conversing with a mobile phone salesman tbh. Discreet or otherwise, she'd deserve some kind of medal

Original poster
twotimes · 26/02/2010 12:33

"Theres an app for that" gotta tell him that one

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 26/02/2010 12:33

i think if you're a mother of twins (bf or ff) all bets are off and people should just bow down as you pass

runnybottom · 26/02/2010 12:33

You be as "discreet" as you like. Why do you expect me to agree with your concept of discreteness?

If you are uncomfortable seeing my breast, put a blanket over your head, cos I'm sure as hell not hiding my baby under one, and neither will I go to a different room or corner, or put any more than a seconds thought into your comfort level of my feeding.

I find this attitude that you are allowed to be offended by seeing my breast during feeding hollow and convenient, unless you are actively campaining against the plethora of naked and near naked boobs on display in Nuts magazine and the like at child level in Tesco, billboards, adverts, tv and film, page 3 etc.

I'm a mammal. I have given birth to a baby mammal. Using my breasts to feed it is what mammals do. And I couldn't give a flying shite what opinion anyone has of me doing it, or how I do it, or where I do it. Personally I mainly do it through about 8 layers of clothing, but thats because its bloody cold and not because you want me to be discrete.

StealthPolarBear · 26/02/2010 12:34

thank you runny might take blankets /muslins out while feeding to hand out as necessary

SoupDragon · 26/02/2010 12:35

I find the claim that if you are looking at the face you wouldn't notice someones breasts were on view utterly hilrious. Do you have no peripheral vision at all? Dies everything other than the face pixellate out like on the Cops on Camera type shows?

To feed discreetly you don't need to wear a tent. It's generally quite simple. I've breast fed for over 5 years and apart from that troublesome firstborn, managed without exposing myself any more than necessary. I did this because there's really no need to show no consideration for others. I consider others with all my actions so why not with breastfeeding? It never stopped me actually doing it. I think the " going to do whatever I damn well like" attitude does bf-ing a disservice. Many mothers want to be reassured that they don't need to show eveything in order to breast feed and I thought that the thought of having to flash their breasts put a lot off.

displayuntilbestbefore · 26/02/2010 12:36

If you're not usually someone who is comfortable revealing her body to strangers then being a BFing mother isn't suddenly going to change that so maybe there should be fewer cries of "BFing mother but ashamed of it" just because some of us like to cover up a bit during BFing?

ronshar · 26/02/2010 12:37

That wasnt what I meant at all.
I had 38G breasts. Shame they arent now. I know the difficulties of trying to see your babies head over a huge breast. However I still would rather not show my breasts to random strangers!

My point was that it is perfectly possible to BF without standing up with your breast out.

StealthPolarBear · 26/02/2010 12:39

but SD some mothers the panic that flashing a nipple is the worst thing that could ever happen. Yes, be as discrete as you can reasonably manage but if you flash someone accidentally don't stress and above all remember what's important here - feeding the baby. Everything else is minor.
I'd not like to be a new mum thinking about bfip for the first time & reading this thread.

StealthPolarBear · 26/02/2010 12:39

biut she was standing at the counter
therefore standing
is the rule you always have to sit?

Original poster
twotimes · 26/02/2010 12:41

When I was a new mother I did panic about b/feeding, and I did worry about what to do if I was out in public (fortunately the mil was very good help on that score and taught me not to be worried about it) however, I don't think a new mother worried about b/feeding would contemplate b/feeding at a counter in a store. Thats for the experts!

OP posts:
ronshar · 26/02/2010 12:42

I agree SPB.
However I worry because a woman reading this thread would walk away thinking that unless she was comfortable with exposing her breast in public then she was geting it wrong or would be frowned upon by the BF police.

SpicedGerkin · 26/02/2010 12:42

From the OPs further posts it's quite clear that the woman wasn't standing there with here breasts on display, he caught a glimps of nipple, oh the horror!

ABetaDad · 26/02/2010 12:43

Pretty much the same scenario happened to me once. I was visiting a woman's house at her inviation with DS1 who went to nursery with her DS. Neither her DH nor my DW were there.

I was sat on the sofa chatting to her and sudenly she just dropped the front of her dungarees in mid sentence to fully expose both breasts. Sorry to say but for a moment I just froze and was quite shocked and then she calmly picked up her baby off the sofa and started BF and we carried on chatting. I did ask if she would like me to go outside and she said no. I just think she should have said something first like "excuse me, do mind if I BF my baby" and perhaps been a bit more discreet.

Just to be clear, I do think it is nice to see women BF in public places like restaurants and shopping centres etc. However, I do think that sitting discretely in a corner turned away from other customers or with a scarf or shawl over their shoulder is the way to do it. DW never felt comfortable BF at all in public. I used to reassure her that it was OK to BF outside the home but she never ever did it. It made me feel a bit sad but it was her choice.

Personally I would never walk around a public place with my shirt off in hot weather as I think it is disrespectful and do not like to see men doing it. I therefore think women should be discreet as well. Yes I know BF and the human body is natural but there is also basic good manners to consider too. I have seen a mother changing a baby's soiled nappy on a restaurant table in the middle of lunch - also natural but dead wrong.

StealthPolarBear · 26/02/2010 12:44

yes but a new mum reading this is going to be overwhelmed at the etiquette and subtle rules.
Feed your baby. All else can go to hell to a certain extent and if people are upset then they are delicate flowers who need to toughen up a bit.
No women don't walk around naked, neither do men, but it wouldn't worry/upset/offend me to see it!!

StealthPolarBear · 26/02/2010 12:46

no you're right ronshar
IMO the message is cover up as much as you want but don't worry if you 'fail' every now and then

BadGardener · 26/02/2010 12:46

It is definitely 'discreetly' not 'discretely'. I think there are people on the thread who don't believe it.

Here:
'discreet or discrete?

These two words have the same pronunciation and are sometimes confused. Both are adjectives, but their meanings are quite different. Discreet is the more frequent word in general use and means "tactful," "good at keeping secrets," or "subtle and unobtrusive": I made a few discreet inquiries. Discrete is a more formal or technical word meaning "separate, unconnected, and distinct": Several discrete strands of evidence were pursued.' (from this link)

StealthPolarBear · 26/02/2010 12:46

anyway off to play with dd who will not sleep, ironically just realised i have my norks out

posieparker · 26/02/2010 12:49

Well of course a woman can ignore the fact that some people find breasts a little ...she could have simply turned a little. I would feed my baby anywhere, in the middle of a shopping mall if my baby needed food but it would always be my baby first and onlookers a close second for consideration. ie teenage boys, the elderly and men in general would not have the chance for deep embarrassment!!

Rhubarb · 26/02/2010 12:50

ABetaDad - did she not jiggle them for you? I remember when I first had dd, one of my oldest male friends came round. He worked around the corner and had a habit of popping in for his lunch, but I didn't realise he'd carry on after I'd had dd. Anyway, so he called round and I put the kettle on. I knew dd needed feeding and I was getting very concerned as at that time there was no way I was feeding in front of him, I didn't have the confidence and I was still struggling with it. I turned round to give him his tea and he just stared at me in puzzlement for there on my top were two very round wet patches, one on either side, and they were spreading.

He got the message and ate in the kitchen whilst I fed in the living room.

ABD - I also think that was impolite of her. Yes she could have asked. Some will argue that she shouldn't have to, but as per my first post on this thread, in this society we are just not used to women getting their tits out for anything other than titillation. Thank your porn for that.