Is my dh being unreasonable to not one to serve a b/feeding mother at the counter???

[twotimes]

Twas talking to the dh this morning when he brought up an incident that happened in work the other day. He was working in a a well known mobile phone shop behind the counter when a woman came in with her daughter and her three kids. Both the women were at the counter discussing mobile options with dh whilst two of the children were running around the shop. All of a sudden mid conversation dh turned to get a phone and when he had turned back the daughter had whopped them out and started b/feeding. And he hasten's to add - with absolutely no modesty, just in her full glory. I should note, the baby was *not8 crying or making a sound before hand. Was he being unreasonable to be mortified??????

Now this isn't completely serious, he wasn't rude, he just carried on serving but felt the need to tell me about it later. He isn't a prude, I b/fed both dc's and all his family b/feed that isn't the issue. What he keeps going on about, is that "she didn't even cover".

At first I just pissed my self laughing (I could literally imagine his face) but then I thought seriously, people should be able to b/feed but at a counter in a shop, with no discretion?

"The law is on my side. People cannot stop a woman from breastfeeding in public"

Is that the case in England? I didn't think it was. I thought it was in Scotland you couldn't ask a woman to move because she was bf-ing but in England it wasn't the case (yet [hopeful]) and even then I thought it was only feeding a baby up to a certain age.

"And OP, you and your DH should be ashamed that his prejudice is being shared in a way that undermines the confidence of other women to make their own choices - although you should be proud of him for hiding his discomfort. That was admirable."

Givecarrotsachance what are you talking about. What prejudice? He didn't like something he saw and he mentioned it. He didn't say she shouldn't breastfeed, he didn's say she shouldn't b/feed in public, he just didn't want her to do it right in his face whilst he was serving her and her mother. Don't really see the problem as he just continued to serve. He was not disgusted, he just didn't like it. Maybe if you had read the whole thread and my further posts you would have understood that neither me or my dh are against b/feeding in public. Besides, does this thread really undermine the confidence of other women?

"People have a right to object to seeing too much of a breast during breastfeeding if they are in their own home and the breastfeeding mother is a visitor. That is exactly the same as being able to object to somebody being black or disabled in your own home."

No Milly, it really isn't.

"I would never have worried about the visibility of my breast in public on the offchance someone with an issue was walking past."

He wasn't walking past he was stood right in front of her and they were in conversation.

"but then black people didn't need to sit at the front of the bus."

again milly wtf????

God this is getting boring now, it was only a breast.

Your DH had a private moan to you about it, obviously realising you'd be a sympathetic ear.

Some people will sympathis with him and others will think he's being ridiculous, as this thread shows.

All this fuss, over a breast, jesus.

"but then black people didn't need to sit at the front of the bus."

I assume what Milly was referring to (feel free to correct me Milly if I get it completely wrong) is that you can either accept other people's prejudices and sit at the back of the bus when the white bus driver tells you to or you can refuse to pander to these people's narrow minded prejudices and do the right thing and stand up for yourself.

The softly softly approach is a crock of shit it really is. Makes the people with a prejudice feel they have a legitimate concern when they are the ones who need to feel uncomfortable, so they can be educated and change.

As for the gay example Sadly I remember using the same reasoning with my sister, against my young gay brother as to why he should act in a certain way and not bring his boyfriend to my wedding.

I am a shamed of what I said and now lacking in empathy I was for his situation. I just didn't want trouble on my wedding day. Sadly they broke up just before so it never came up but no gay people should not tone down anything.

I would argue that perhaps discretion actually helps BF as a 'cause'? As in, if BF continues to be seen as the arena of militant earth mothers whopping their breats out and embarrassing passers by (I'm not saying that those who breastfeed are like this before I get lept on, I am pointing out that this is the extremety of public perception) then it will continue to be marginalised. By the majority being discreet whilst BF in public they will be slowly eating away at this perception, showing younger people that it is possible to BF in public without showing your goods to all and sundry. Therefore increasing BF across the generations and lessening the public interest in it?

I have to say that I find it quite insulting to be called nasty when my point was that we should all show each other more consideration.

If the pig ignorant bus driver had shown more consideration then that poor girl wouldnt have been thrown off the bus.
Is that being nasty?

Any woman who BF's should be congratulated.

"a lot of people who could feed discreetly choose not to"

TSC - I don't believe this for a second. I don't know a single bf mother who chooses to show more than she needs to.

I know many who don't bother with the farce of creating a muslin tent, but that is not what you mean, is it?

Prudish prudish Britain. It's just a BOOB ffs.

Consider this scenario:

I am a middle aged bloke and I walk into a mobile phone shop in the summer time and a woman is serving me. While she looks away to get something from behind the counter I whip off my shirt because I feel a bit hot and stand here with all my manly middle aged chest and belly on show. Would the woman not be mildly surprised, perhaps even a little perturbed by my display of my flesh when she looked up?

My body is not totally disgusting, I do normally take my shirt off in hot weather and I do sunbathe with my chest bare. I even used to enjoy cuddling my babies with my shirt off when I was feeding them with a bottle. I just do not do it in shops or walking down the street though.

It is not anything to do with objecting to BF or even seeing breats as sexual. It is just sensitivity to a social situation. I think LittleMrsHappy got it right:

"I dont think anybody is saying that they object to the mother breastfeeding their child, but more so that they do not want to see skin being shown on display."

twotime - your DH did all the right things in my opinion. His reaction to the particular social sitiation was just a natural human one. My reaction was even milder to the situation I described. I never even mentioned it to my wife. I just think there is a bit of 'in your face' posturing by a few people on here.

"Whopped them out"
I wonder why you (or your dh) think it is OK to refer to this woman, who neither of you know, like she is some piece of meat?
do you always talk about strangers like you're a pairs of brainless teenagers whose lips move when they are reading The Sun?
she wasn't asking for her breasts to be ogled by your dh or anyone.
a woman's breasts are not public property just because she is using them to feed her baby.
grow up and have some respect for other women and other people. life isn't a copy of NUTS you know.

Just remembering I did cover baby's head with a muslin but it wasn't necessarily for discretion (felt like I was being discreet enough), but if I didn't, dc's used to crane their heads to look around taking my nipple with them did not like that one bit.

I don't think there is a problem whether you cover or not, as long as you do feed. But no, I wouldn't do it at a counter but then I've never had to. Sorry but I'm of the opinion that my darling baby really can wait five minutes, and they were both fine doing so.

I really didn't know b/feeding numbers were still so down. That is a serious shame.

Wouldn't be unusual if you lived in a hot country by the sea ABetaDad!

It's different though, this woman was feeding her baby. I'm sure she didn't take her whole top off and start fanning herself.

LOL at Milly - 'A penis has two purposes and neither should be carried out in a shop.'

All this discretion stuff doesn't really take account of mother/baby combinations for whom discretion isn't much of an option. If you have v large breasts or a baby who tends to fuss a lot when feeding, public bfing is likely to = a bit of flashing. People should be able to cope with this without running away screaming and phoning a lawyer to check whether they are entitled to compensation. And if they can't, it's their problem.

Well said Harpsi.
ABetaDad: How exactly would your furry, middle-aged belly/chest be used to nourish a baby? Idiotic comparison really. The woman was not 'a little hot' or trying to 'relieve' herself in any manner. She was feeding her baby. Would anybody be shocked if she brought out a bottle? Has the whole world gone mad?

Most of these arguments are patently ridiculous and seem more about flailing around for a cover story for your prejudice.

I don't need to catch any flies with anything. I don't need to make any statement. I'm not making a political argument of any kind. I'm not trying to inform or alter anyones opinion of breastfeeding or of women. I'm not being militant and I'm not being a crusader.

I'm feeding my baby his dinner. That is all. I will do it how and where and when I choose. You, all of you, have no rights whatsoever to move me or cover me or tell me to conform to your notions of diecretion. If you do not like it, look away, leave the room or area.

It is not analogous to a penis, or a shitty nappy, or a sweaty hairy mans chest. It is not analogous to eating a pasty or drinking a fruitshoot.

It is, once and for all (and I can't even believe this needs saying, so obvious should it be), a baby being fed. Anything you want to read into it or add onto it is your own ishoo and has nothing to do with me or my baby.

Hear hear!

Runnybottom - I salute you

I absolutely agree, but on the proviso that those who choose to be discreet are not letting the side down in any way.

Bravo runnybottom!

haven't read the whole thread but i am greatly amused that OP feels the need to post a thread about this.

a woman fed her baby in a shop and no comment was passed.

hardly headline news is it?

and the comment about the baby not crying- if a baby is crying because it is hungry then the mother/parent/caregiver has missed the cues that the baby was giving. crying is a late hunger cue.

also breasts are for breastfeeding.

I once saw a mother with a toddler at the breast whilst in tesco the little girl was in the trolley the mum literally had her left nork out and the toddler was sucking away like it was bottle of lemonade .

is OP looking for a pat on the back for her oh-so open minded DH?

well done twotimes' DH for not dicrininating against a woman and her hungry baby. you are all heart.

this really is comical

discriminating

Thanks runnybottom! That is exactly what I wish I had said.