Is my dh being unreasonable to not one to serve a b/feeding mother at the counter???

[twotimes]

Twas talking to the dh this morning when he brought up an incident that happened in work the other day. He was working in a a well known mobile phone shop behind the counter when a woman came in with her daughter and her three kids. Both the women were at the counter discussing mobile options with dh whilst two of the children were running around the shop. All of a sudden mid conversation dh turned to get a phone and when he had turned back the daughter had whopped them out and started b/feeding. And he hasten's to add - with absolutely no modesty, just in her full glory. I should note, the baby was *not8 crying or making a sound before hand. Was he being unreasonable to be mortified??????

Now this isn't completely serious, he wasn't rude, he just carried on serving but felt the need to tell me about it later. He isn't a prude, I b/fed both dc's and all his family b/feed that isn't the issue. What he keeps going on about, is that "she didn't even cover".

At first I just pissed my self laughing (I could literally imagine his face) but then I thought seriously, people should be able to b/feed but at a counter in a shop, with no discretion?

My point about genitals and breasts is not that they are the same, it is that they are both required to be covered up in Western culture. What about bottoms - not necessarily offensive in themselves, but both men and women are expected to cover them up, right? Is that such a problem?

And as I said earlier, in other cultures it's other parts of the body, such as legs, which are treated in this way. Our culture happens to sexualise breasts, but it's not just men doing this - many women display cleavage in a purely sexual fashion, and, come to think of it, I've often found that these same women then complain that breasts should be treated purely as the functional objects that they are. How hypocritical. The fact is that breasts in our culture are not purely functional, so it's rather naive to try to pretend that they are, or ought to be.

Are they required to be covered up? Er one look round any city centre on a Friday night and I have seen breasts very barely covered up. I don't think the Sun or Nuts think they should be covered.

I don't buy into this nonsense about saying breasts are like genitals. Fair enough breasts have been sexualised but they are there primarily for feeding babies. Most of the time this isn't an issue as women feed fairly discretely but I can see on occasion that some man might get a flash. Certainly when my DD was bobbing on and off my breast due to reflux pain, someone might have seen a nipple - when I BF in public. So what though?

I am not advocating women flash them indiscriminatly everywhere but god - I really think people should just get over this 'shock horror - a woman has her norks out' crap.

"I'll have some of what he's having"

Any suggestions for responses to this particularly offensive remark? Givecarrotsachance how about "go and ask your mother" I don't think that particular man could look at breasts in the same way.

Breasts are sexualised and there is a reason for that. They are sexual! Men get visual pleasure, women get sensual pleasure (erm obviously not whilst breastfeeding that would be a little ) I wonder if the people who argue against it don't get enough foreplay? AND before anyone starts that doesn't mean they are not meant for feeding as well

I am an ardent supporter of a womans right to breastfeed in public without being made to feel like a social pariah...

However, I do remember one occasion (one occasion only) at Marwell zoo of all places, where a woman was breastfeeding her child and had hoiked her top right up to her neck so that the whole of her upper body was entirely visible. I was astonished rather than offended (it could never offend me) and rather non-plussed as to why... I've never seem anything remotely similar since.

It's difficult to judge the situation described but I think you husband was - by the sounds of it, somewhat over sensitive.

Twotimes, why can't you accept that your sexual experiences do not apply to everyone else? I do not find having my breasts touched to be sexually stimulating. Many women do not. It does not make us prudes, or mean we are having sex in the wrong way, or are in some way 'wrong'. We are just different to you.

Why do you feel the need to insist that everyone's sexual preferences are the same as yours?

Breasts are primarily and entirely for feeding. Sexual use of them is an adjunct. They are NOT sexual objects. Maybe men are interested in breasts because we are all programmed at birth to be interested in them?

I use my mouth for sexual purposes, and enjoy being kissed. Nobody is asking me to cover my mouth in public.

err milly I think you need to calm down a little, if you read through the thread (if you can be arsed it's a little long now), this is the first time I've said that breasts are sexual. If I believe they are I believe they are, my opinion is as valid as you saying they're not. I didn't particularly talk about my own "sexual experiences" (I'm sure there's another thread for that ). Anyway I was just generalising, so there is no insistence. I think you're taking this debate a little too seriously after all it's not Newsnight. Besides if you've got lips like Angelina Jolie I would suggest you cover them up

twotimes, how very sad you actually consider this a question worth asking,.

its a mother feeding a baby ffs.

Twotimes, I am not saying all breasts aren't sexual. I am not saying all women should expose their breasts when breastfeeding. I am saying that women should do and feel what they like about their own breasts. I don't expect everyone to live their lives in the way that I do.
Unlike you, I am not generalising.

Your experience is valid for you; that does not make it valid to generalise from.

I am not the one on MN suggesting that people ought not to be allowed to behave in a particular way in public - you are. I have read the whole thread and I do feel calm. I am certainly not worked up enough about other women's feeding decisions to want anything stopped or to start a thread about it.

Erm again, did I want anything stopped? i think I remember suggesting/pondering people being more discreet, when in public at a counter in a shop being served (pretty specific) but that was about it. it's not like I was on BBC denouncing all b/feeding mothers, it's just mn. An internet chat forum. And again as I have said before I found the situation humorous, you know, like funny.

Carrie asking the question isn't sad, its just a fucking question ffs.

As a side note, what is mumsnet for? Are you only allowed to make posts if you agree with everybody else? Can opinions and suggestions not be debated sensibly without people feeling the need to insult others (just because they're on an anonymous forum) or take it personally.

oh I name changed from twotimes

'then I thought seriously, people should be able to b/feed but at a counter in a shop, with no discretion?'

That is the wording in your first post. So you are asking if people should be able to expose their breasts in order to breastfeed in shops. That strongly implies that you think they should not be able to do it.

OK I see what you think but no that is not what I was saying, you're reading much more into the statement than is actually there, or implied, or even thought of.

Very clearly I do not think women should breastfeed at the counter of a shop indiscreetly.

There is a big difference between saying what women should do and saying what women should be able to do. Make your mind up which you mean.

Oh good god milly pedantic much??????? Even if i did actually specifically mean be able it would still be able to breastfeed at the counter of a shop which is still a way from what you were accusing me of saying. ffs I'm over this now

I am not being pedantic! A woman can bring a civil action against someone who says she cannot breastfeed in their shop. So it does matter a lot whether someone is expressing an opinion on how they would like someone to behave and expressing an opinion on how they think someone should be able to behave.

Yes milly but this is not a court of law, it's mumsnet. and yet again I didn't at all ever in the entirety of this thread say a woman cannot b/feed in a shop

fifitot: "I don't buy into this nonsense about saying breasts are like genitals." No, nor do I. That's why I didn't say that. Twice. And yes, we do have a social code in the UK that says it's more appropriate to cover your breasts than not - just as in Uganda (though I think they're stricter there) their social code says it's more appropriate to cover your legs than not.

It's because breasts are sexualised here that women who expose lots of cleavage are judged more in terms of their sexuality than in terms of their brain power. That's what your Nuts example is about - women being objectified in sexual terms. AFAIK the male equivalent is a man wearing tight-fitting trousers, though I daresay most men don't do this!

You mentioned that someone might 'get a flash' of nipple/ breast when a woman is preparing to bf - that's normal and quite different from the situation that the OP described. I am referring to the OP.

I never said you did speedy. I was posting generally.

Your dh is being unreasonable and needs to get over it. She was indescreet-so what?

Fair enough, fifi. Coming straight after your response to my post it looked very much like you were directing that statement at me.

I've only read to pg 3, but I have to say, by DS2 (DC3) he hardly ever cried for a feed as I could tell the signs that he needed a feed IYSWIM. I am rather large-chested, and it wouldn't matter whether I went up from the hem or down from the top, there was more than an eyeful on show, as he refused to be covered over. And I would also feed him wherever I was without even thinking about it. I could easily feed DS2 whilst pushing DS1 in a toddler swing in the park and carrying out a conversation with my DD. It just wouldn't have occurred to me not to do that, as DS2 needed fed, and I couldn't exactly have ignored my other dc's, could I? So this woman obviously knew her baby needed feeding, and carried on her conversation with the salesman (OP's OH) because would you honestly expect someone who's baby could hold their bottle to hand their baby a bottle then stop midway through your conversation until the babay had finished? NO? then why expect someone who is BF to do that? Tis no difference.

Was he actually serving the customer when this happened. If he was then I would say it was the same as people talking on mobile phones when you are serving them.

The person behind the counter is a human being. Not a bloody invisible cash point machine or robot.

Wouldn't it be a bit uncomfortable standing and conducting business at the same time as BF child.

Nothing to do with modesty or if she should BF in public.

Plain good manners that if you go into a shop to make a purchase, you stay focosed on the salesperson, not answer the phone when it rings or decide to BF child in the middle of the sales transaction.

I do know how to spell focused. Guess I wasn't focusing on the issue at hand.