Is my dh being unreasonable to not one to serve a b/feeding mother at the counter???

[twotimes]

Twas talking to the dh this morning when he brought up an incident that happened in work the other day. He was working in a a well known mobile phone shop behind the counter when a woman came in with her daughter and her three kids. Both the women were at the counter discussing mobile options with dh whilst two of the children were running around the shop. All of a sudden mid conversation dh turned to get a phone and when he had turned back the daughter had whopped them out and started b/feeding. And he hasten's to add - with absolutely no modesty, just in her full glory. I should note, the baby was *not8 crying or making a sound before hand. Was he being unreasonable to be mortified??????

Now this isn't completely serious, he wasn't rude, he just carried on serving but felt the need to tell me about it later. He isn't a prude, I b/fed both dc's and all his family b/feed that isn't the issue. What he keeps going on about, is that "she didn't even cover".

At first I just pissed my self laughing (I could literally imagine his face) but then I thought seriously, people should be able to b/feed but at a counter in a shop, with no discretion?

"I just think in life a bit of thought for others in return for their consideration to you is the basis for civilised society"

What - even when people's anxiety and discomfort with a particular behaviour is prompted by ignorance and a lack of familiarity?

I personally would prefer to see people being desensitised to the view of lactating breasts.

I agree with many comments, especially VeryLittleCarrot's

To the OP, it is a shame that your DH felt so uncomfortable with the biological normal way to feed a baby, sadly many people would feel the same way.

But it is nice to hear that your DH wasn't rude, didn't make any inappropriate comments and carried on serving.

Just a shame that the act of a baby eating is an issue at all. That is all breastfeeding is, no more no less, just a baby eating.

Just to clarify, breastfeeding is not like going to the toilet, exposing sexual organs for titillation, having sex or any other weird comparison I have heard on and off this thread....it is babies eating

it's also not like an adult having a pasty

I dont get all this, people find woman who dont breastfeed discreetly a little invasive, I dont think it is ignorant, as for most people Im sure is about the skin.

People get annoyed when people bare too much skin, short skins, boobs hanging, pregnant ladies belly's hanging out, all of these are natural, but people do get annoyed/judged for doing what is natural.

I dont think anybody is saying that they object to the mother breastfeeding their child, but more so that they do not want to see skin being shown on display.

breastfeeding is lovely if you want to do so, but people also have a "right" to object to not wanting to see too much flesh.

I wouldnt walk down the highstreet with by boobs hanging out holding my baby, for ALL to look at my skin.

I personally dont think its a breastfeeding issue, but a too much skin being on show issue.

Maybe not a popular opinion, but one I think many would/could associate with.

"I personally would prefer to see people being desensitised to the view of lactating breasts."

Totally agree. Which is why my fairly supportive but easily embarrassed father would leave the room when I nursed my first baby and I was using a breastfeeding shawl ! When it got to my second, he will just continue the conversation and not even bat an eye...bless him

My inlaws have gone from insisting I leave the room and go upstairs whilst nursing DC1 with a shawl. Via everyone leaving the room while I nursed without the shawl. Onto, an occasional female relation will stay and chat while I nurse DC2.

They have done very well adjusting to me, considering no one breastfeeds in their family as far as I know. As DH's sister told me "well, it isn't natural is it ?" I laughed a lot at that one and agreed, it is no longer culturally normal to breastfed. Made me feel a little sad mind.

OFGS LMH, be coherent!

Im off to destress and maybe I will have a coherent debate

LittleMrsHappy, It is not always an skin issue....both my father and inlaws couldn't cope with the knowledge I was breastfeeding full stop.

I was wearing a breastfeeding shawl, which covered me from neck to crotch and you could not see the baby at all and 0% breast on show and they were still uncomfortable.

Plus why is skin on a breast such a terrible sight, surely prettier than sweaty hairy top less men, which I have the pleasure of seeing around here in the summer months.

People have a right to object to seeing too much of a breast during breastfeeding if they are in their own home and the breastfeeding mother is a visitor. That is exactly the same as being able to object to somebody being black or disabled in your own home.

But you don't have a right to object to someone breastfeeding in a public place. Asking someone to stop breastfeeding, however much breast they are showing, is a civil offence in England and a criminal offence in Scotland.

As for this issue of having consideration for others. Breastfeeding doesn't inconvenience other people unless they have a psychological issue with breasts, so it cannot be inconsiderate to breastfeed in front of someone.

If someone had a major issue with breasts and were a member of my family, I would have tried to be discreet. But I would think of it in the same way as not using cotton wool in front of people who had a phobia of it. I would never have worried about the visibility of my breast in public on the offchance someone with an issue was walking past.

I dont think it is personally, but Im just looking at they way people react to seeing to much flesh in display, and also they way people react to seeing a pregnant womans belly on display, they all think it is unnecessary? for it to be on "show" even tho it is natural.

when talking to dh last night, he said maybe its the skin issue and not the feeding your child issue, and for me he does have a point, due to the way society thinks about too much skin on display opinions.

but should that be more important to you than just getting on & feeding your baby?
I would agree if there are women out there who choose to use bf as a way of flaunting their bodies, but i think it's a myth. I think the scale is hyper-sensitive to don't give a stuff. I'm on the don't give a stuff end but would never ever choose to flaunt my body in tight tops / bikini etc because i just don't have the sort of body i'd want to flaunt.

It is not the same as having a tummy out, or a thigh - you don't need to expose any part of a tummy or a leg in order to use them for their biological purposes.

You do have to expose some part of a breast to feed a baby. Asking women to breastfeed without exposing a breast is like asking women to eat under a veil. Some women would be happy to do it while others would find it incovenient and want to expose their whole face while attempting to eat.

Persnally I would just go ahead and feed my baby, but I can also see the side that people might object to me having my whole boob on display, due to the way society react to way to much skin.

We are a very prudish country I believe when it comes to ALL things natural.

agree - me more than most, but not about this

The fact is that women's breasts are sexualised in the West. In other parts of the world it's legs, and women are expected to cover them up. Pretty much all over the world, for men, it's penises. Would anyone here NOT feel offended if a man whipped out his penis whilst queuing up in a mobile phone shop?

I am totally dedicated to bfing whenever and wherever I want to. I also believe it's good manners to treat people with respect and consideration. Covering up your breasts while feeding is really NOT THAT HARD.

As for the woman in the shop, surely she could have breastfed her baby elsewhere and then gone back to the shop later?

Genitals are not equivalent to breasts. A penis has two purposes and neither should be carried out in a shop.

It is not like a penis in any shape or form...

I repeat ...Just to clarify, breastfeeding is not like going to the toilet, exposing sexual organs for titillation, having sex or any other weird comparison I have heard on and off this thread....it is babies eating

Are there places in the world where men cover their penises, and women cover their breasts but can expose their genitals? I have never heard of this. I thought genitals were covered, regardless of sex pretty much everywhere.

The covering up of body parts that need to be used -face, breasts, seem to be limited to women, and even then only in some societies.

I should add that I was a complete prude about nursing and it has took me three years to change my attitude. It is not the fact that people struggle with seeing a mother breastfed which upset me, I use to feel the same way and I was doing the nursing, LOL

Everyone is entitled to feel the way they do. Through perhaps if the sight of a baby eating is so distressing, they might benefit from some counselling.

What I struggle with is that many people think their right to not see the mother breastfeed, somehow trumps the baby's right to eat Sigh

I was not trying to gain fans. The law is on my side. People cannot stop a woman from breastfeeding in public in exactly the same way that people cannot stop gay people holding hands in public.

If people are shocked by something that should be entirely unshocking, that is their problem. I am not going to make it mine.

I didn't need to expose a breast while feeding my child, but then black people didn't need to sit at the front of the bus. There are more important things in life than showing consideration to prejudiced people.

Good post MillyR

tsc, thank you for answering my question btw

ahh it's SPB I must change back!

Totally agree thesecondcoming, BF does have statements attached to it, whether we like it or not, if mothers cant come to terms how people CHOOSE to BF their children, and HOW to choose to BF their children in public, how can WE ALL expect society to do so when mothers can do it themselves?

Their is alot of anomalies when regarding BF, as its become not normal, and people have stereotypical views on BF and BTF mothers.

But bottle feeding was "normal" 20/30 years ago, society in general changed in the way of thinking towards BF, and now we years later are going back to the original and "normal" way of doing things.

Im sure in 20/30 years time, their will be a different stance on breast and bottle feeding, to what we are arguing today.

Society needs to learn that breastfeeding is natural, as they did 20/30 years ago when they learned that bottle feeding was "normal" also, having it drummed into them, for me puts up a wall, and people will fight that wall, and think what they want to think, and not what they are told to think, due to the campaign that breast is best, for me it does not "promote" breastfeeding, it build up a defence in people, who were taught/shown by society that the other feeding method was seen as normal (what ever feeding method that was)

Promoting breastfeeding is relatively new-ish, it will take years for it to become "normal" again, I believe everyone knows its natural, but not many things today IS natural, and even when it is, its seen as prudish etc..