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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To now dislike my dd's class teacher after finding her on MN?

464 replies

absinthe · 25/02/2010 14:48

She wasn't very complementary about the little dah-lings in her care and I am silently fuming now. I completely randomly feel upon her user name and looked at her profile on the off chance that it might be her and there she was - pics n' all. She does not post a lot but one of her posts would put her in line for at least a formal warning if not more.

Can't say who she is but it is definitely her - without a shadow of a doubt.

I have never had MN cross over into RL before. Is it wrong of me to glance at her generally boring posts, just because it's her?

Maybe I could drop subtle hints about the fact that I use MN too just to see her reaction.

In any case, I think it was a bit sloppy and feel she should have taken more care to make herself anonymous.

OP posts:
Morloth · 25/02/2010 15:53

I think you need to let her know that you know - that way she can change usernames etc.

Bad bad idea to talk about work (any work) in an complimentary way online. I like a good bitch about my job and I do it to DH only.

Seen it come back to bite people in the arse way too often.

Morloth · 25/02/2010 15:53

That should be uncomplimentary way.

HewlettPackard · 25/02/2010 15:55

True morloth, but you can have a slagging off work fest on here, provided it is not identifiable.

Morloth · 25/02/2010 15:58

Yeah, you can keep it general but people don't tend to do that on Mumsnet, people share so much more on here than I have seen on many other boards.

Amazes me.

HewlettPackard · 25/02/2010 16:00

agree. I just namechange all the time, and as soon as I mention work or something which may in some slight way identify me, i am off under another guise. As for putting pics etc up, would I really want my neighbours reading details of my life? Nope!

Mumcentreplus · 25/02/2010 16:11

but children can be little shits mine included..

It would not bother me I dont expect a teacher to be professional online they are not at work...I think she probably should have kept her identity anon just for the fact that some busy body would check and start having a fit about a teacher being pissed off..

I hardly like the teachers in my school anyway..

Original poster
absinthe · 25/02/2010 17:38

I'm back. I don't want her to try and hunt me down on here or more likely, bear a grudge in RL. I still think she is foolish but she did not use the expression "little shits" or anything as scathing or name any names. I can't really be specific about her posts but her children are younger than mine, she is not a v regular poster but has posted over a couple of years. I am hoping that she will read this thread and feel paranoid enough to name change.

I have tried to think of a way of telling you what she has done that is in breach of school policies but I can't actually do this without clearly identifying her post

OP posts:
HewlettPackard · 25/02/2010 17:44

very vague clue?

suitejudyblue · 25/02/2010 17:48

No problem with people moaning about their jobs or people they work with if its totally anonymous but I do think its wrong to do so in a way that could potentially identify anyone, child or adult. I'm sure teaching would be unbearable if you couldn't let off steam about your pupil.
I'm often surprised at how much indentifiable info I see on people's profiles and it is very easy to forget how public all our postings are.

posieparker · 25/02/2010 17:54

I am pretty sur e that the teachers of my dcs may have thoughts about them that are not all sweet and fluffy. I accept that not everyone sees them through my eyes.

TheArmadillo · 25/02/2010 18:07

I don't think the OP is being unreasonable and I think this extends to any job which covers confidential information or sensitive, which a teacher does.

A lot of those arguing against it has said 'but teachers are allowed not to be perfect/professional in their own time' and I think that kind of misses the point.

I work in a (very lowly) job that means I have access to a lot of confidential/sensitive information. I also work in a stressful job and need to offload.

This means I rant to my colleagues (when the public aren't there) and to my dp (though I wouldn't e.g. identify people by name to him - or if we met a parent from school fill them in on their full history) but I would never ever even hint online beyond 'I had a stressful day and someone yelled at me'.

And teachers should be the same, like doctors are, or social workers or even someone working in a bank. You are trusted with that information and you are entitled to your opinions on that information and you are perfectly free to rant to others that share access to that information about it.

What you should never do is rant online about it (or in any public forum), especially once you have made yourself identifiable with photos etc.

Besom · 25/02/2010 18:16

Agree with what TheArmadillo said.

Goblinchild · 25/02/2010 18:19

I think that I have the right to moan about some of individuals I teach, or laugh about them. As long as in RL I am professional, discreet and all that stuff.
Many of you lot seem to complain about teachers on a regular basis.
An internet forum is a more safe and anonymous location than doing it in the staffroom, within school grounds or to people in RL.
But if you check my profile, I don't have one.

cory · 25/02/2010 18:25

I would find it highly unprofessional if this teacher was actually ranting in a way that meant individual children could be identified. But if she is just saying things like, some of the children I teach are really difficult, or some children tell lies, or there is a problem with bullying in the class I am teaching, or whatever, then I'd say it's not unprofessional. Those are the kind of things that a teacher could say in the playground and not be unprofessional. What would be unprofessional would be telling me that little Matthew is a liar, or Chloe is a bully.

If this person's remarks were not (on the OPs admission) as uncomplimentary as "little shits", then I'm wondering how uncomplimentary they actually were, anyway.

Goblinchild · 25/02/2010 18:26

TheArmadillo, complaining about rude, foul-mouthed and obnoxious children is hardly breaking confidentiality. They are the youngsters you cross the street to avoid and we are being civilised and nurturing to for 7 hours a day.
Same with the lazy and indifferent.
It's not as if I would discuss confidential and sensitive information, just the sort of days that make you go 'WTF?' That's flip of course, I would never dream of swearing because I'm a teacher.

Goblinchild · 25/02/2010 18:27

'If this person's remarks were not (on the OPs admission) as uncomplimentary as "little shits", then I'm wondering how uncomplimentary they actually were, anyway.'

You mean on a suing scale for Emotional Trauma and the like? :D

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 25/02/2010 18:29

Good point goblinchild! people on here often slag off their DC's teacher's and expect to be able to do so with anonymity so what if the boot was on the other foot ? What if next time someone starts a "i'm so mad with DC's teacher for......" they get approached by that member of staff and are "outed"? I'm sure that the mumsnetter in question would be furious at the breach of her "privacy" and her right to vent on her anonymously.

cory · 25/02/2010 18:31

That's the one, Goblin. How much therapy/compensation/sal volatile would I need if I discovered that my ds was in the class about which these (still not divulged) remarks had been made?

Original poster
absinthe · 25/02/2010 19:38

I am going to let her continue (if she hasn't cottoned on by now). However, I will not participate in her threads or 'befriend' her online as it were; that would be a bit creepy. I just felt it was sad as she has been dd's form teacher for a couple of years and we are not talking about challenging adolescents but little girls at a really highly-regarded faith school for girls.

Btw, Amazon wishlists are the new Facebook when it comes to snooping. I did go on to check her's (purely out of curiosity) and it was a lot more scandalous than her MN posts.

OP posts:
Veritythebrave · 25/02/2010 19:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cory · 25/02/2010 19:41

did we really need to know that, absinthe?

not that I have any idea who this teacher is that you are talking about but if you are planning to stalk her through the entire internet I am afraid you have lost my sympathy

Goblinchild · 25/02/2010 19:49

One of the reasons I never joined in on the Friday Bumsex threads cory. Imagine how scandalous that would be.
Are Amazon wishlists available to the general public then? I imagined that they would be private unless you logged in as that person.

Goblinchild · 25/02/2010 19:50

'dd's form teacher for a couple of years and we are not talking about challenging adolescents but little girls at a really highly-regarded faith school for girls'

They can be some of the sneakiest, spiteful and arrogant little madams.

cory · 25/02/2010 19:52

Ah. Only reason I never joined in the bumsex threads was for fear of betraying my ignorance. Particularly as my students probably know a lot more about the subject than I do.

Original poster
absinthe · 25/02/2010 19:52

Sorry Cory - I am not a stalker honestly (I have been stalked at one stage of my life so I would not do that). However, we leave our dcs in the care of these people for many hours and I do not see the harm in finding out what they are like once their professional hat has been thrown aside for the night.

"Are Amazon wishlists available to the general public then" You wanna bet - always have been!!

OP posts: