Bit miffed why my dd 2.11 is being labled with having SN when i know full well that she is not (long post sorry)

[pigletmania]

I took my dd 2.11 to pre school today, I asked to have a little chat with the manager about how my dd is getting on as i have had no feedback from them, and last time she was there she refused to have her nappy changed and bit and scratched staff (she does not seem to like small dark spaces such as toilets), dd is not violent or aggressive so this was totally out of character. The manager said that if dd was staying on after 3 she would be refered to SENCO as they were concerned that she was not following a routine, and not sitting still at story time or doing as she was asked, wtf, show me a young child that does. Any young child would rather play with the colourful toys or paints on display than sit listening to a story. DD will be going to the nursery attached to the local primary when she turns 3 in March.

DD is very babyish for her age, and her speech is not as fluent as it could be and she is not yet potty trained, but the HV and others have said that it will come when she is ready. She is only at pre school for 4 hours a week, so they do not know how she is really like, at home she is different. DD can say all her alphabet, recognise numbers one to 10, basic colours and shapes and knows her nursery rhymes, and can speak if she wants to. DD is very stubbon and stong minded and not a performer, will do it when she wants in her own time. I explained this to the manager and she was surprised as dd is not like that in pre school. Why are they so quick to lable a child espcially one so young? The manager said also that they have an Early years curriculum, and they have to tick off certain criteria, my goodness not all children are the same and will be at the same stage.

I have studied psychology/child psych to Masteres level so know that each child is different and develops in different ways, they are not robots all developing at the same time, it is a little early imo to make a special needs assumption, i am just a bit upset and sad about this as i know that dd is a late developer like i was and does not have SN. Fair enough once she reaches school age than yes, but at the moment she is still developing and learning, and may catch up soon enough especially once she starts nursery school full time. As the HV has told me a month is an awful long time for a child, so just give it time not jump to conclusions.

I would probably Jamie as she will be there more often on a regular basis so they will have more accurate account and are qualified teachers. Thanks Lou for your experiences, it does really help to hear them all.

MillyR, Oh right, your friend was not agreeing with a diagnosis. Still a bit confused about why the LEA were involved, as a diagnosis would have been made by a Pediatrician. Never mind, i suspect it is a long story and I get the drift of what you are saying anyhow.

Teaching staff can make mistakes, as teachers only receive something like 1 day special needs training and some staff no training at all and obviously there are a lot of different special needs out there.

However i would say that mistakes from experts are far less likely.

My own ds for example has been assessed since he was 2 years old by numerous SALTs, social and communication specialists, Occupational Therapists, Pediatricians, Educational Psychologist, CAMHS. He has had blood tests, hearing tests, vision tests. He will be 6 years old next week and is only now nearing a diagnosis. A meeting of all the professionals involved in his care will be called and then a diagnosis will be given. I will be invited to the meeting and if i do not agree with the diagnosis and decide i do not want my ds to be labelled i can say so.

Forgot to add your poor friend was let down very badly. It is standard procedure to check the childs name, address, dob, age etc at the start of every assessment or appointment.

Also sounds as if she was not included in any of the assessment process which really is bad practice.

Thinking of you Claw, sorry have not given detailed responses as dd has been a bit demanding of my attention. so cant Mumsnet very well.

Piglet, no worries

Im really not trying to convince you your dd does have special needs and i hope im not coming across as 'pushy'!

Your dd could be behaving the way she is for a number of reasons, as you say crappy nursery, she might be bored, she is young or it may turn out that she does have special needs.

The nursery or the SENCO CANNOT tell you whether she does or not, all they can do is raise concerns and put some help and support in place. She can be referred on to specialist and they can look in depth at what her difficulties are, but cannot give a diagnosis. Paed is the only person who can give diagnosis.

All im saying is that IF you dd is referred to SENCO, make sure you know your rights, make sure you find out about the special needs process (school dont always tell you and give you incorrect info) and read as much as you can about what they suspect the cause of the difficulties is.

4 years ago i did not know the first thing about special needs. All i knew was that something was not 'quite right' with ds, his difficulties were not obvious. The special needs section on here has been and continues to be my lifeline, no one has diagnosed my ds online, they have just made me aware of what the process is and what my rights are.

Its a worrying time for you and i hope you are not finding this thread overwhelming.

UPDATE, DD went to the nusery today and did everything that they said that she could not do. She sat down quietly for registration, she sat down for storytime and was asking for the toilet. When i went to pick dd up i noticed that she was speaking so much and the staff were very pleased with her, that is why when SN and SENCO was mentioned i was a bit dubious about it as i know what dd is capable off. Its like she picked up on it and wanted to prove them wrong. I am pleased, and i told her that she was a good girl, and she said that she sat still. That is why i want to take a wait and see approach. When she goes to the new nursery full time i think that she will imporve so much, it will be regular every day so she will get used to the routine and whats expected of her. I am [happy] Though i will look out for SPLd especailly once she gets older and learns to read and write s that is what i have.

Her behaviour fine, they said she was a little wary when they took her to the toilet but no concerns there.

Good

Oh thats good trouble, i dont think they have at her current nursery. However i will keep an open mind, i have spld so will be looking out for that in dd. I just did not want her to be identified with sn so early when i know she will probably be fine as she showed today. Some children do develop skills later on and are not necesarily SN

Thanks claw btw for the great advice