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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Can we all please try and inhibit segregation amongst people due to race, gender or sexual persuasion?

196 replies

anidea · 22/02/2010 17:16

Hello,

We have recently been in contact with Olivia Vandyk of mumsnet regarding the practises and values of this website.
Here follows a transcript of that conversation, see what you think:

On 21 Feb 2010, at 08:54, James Wallace wrote:

Hello,

My girlfriend and I recently heard about your website and we are interested in your tag line "By parents for parents", when the site is called 'mumsnet'.

We think a title such as this propagates a stereotypical view that women are the main parents, and can't quite believe that anyone would think this as acceptable.

We think we as a society have grown beyond the point where such stereotypes are applicable and we hope we have passed the point where they are acceptable.

We look forward to your response.

Yours sincerely,

James Wallace and Tania Pieri

On 22 Feb 2010, at 09:21, Olivia Vandyk wrote:

Hi there

Thanks for your comments. We hope Mumsnet isn't exclusive to mums and indeed we know we have plenty of dads who log on and contribute. If it doesn't sound too pompous we think the concept of "mumming/mothering" goes beyond gender so don't feel mumsnet is too exclusive. We did think of calling the site parentsnet.com but it just sounded so hideous.

While the majority of our posters are women, we do have Dadsnet specifically for men to chat here
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/dadsnet

But folks won't be surprised or bothered by having a male joining in anywhere on the site.

We also have a section for same-sex parents here
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/gay_parents

Hope this clears up any concerns. Welcome to Mumsnet - do let us know if there's anything else with which we can help
Best wishes
Olivia
www.mumsnet.com

On 22 Feb 2010, at 12:04, James Wallace wrote:

Dear Olivia,

Thank you very much for the response. We're glad to hear that men can and do join in with discussions on mumsnet, but we are somewhat disappointed that there is an apparent need to have separate areas of the sites for dads and gay parents. Every caring parent has one individual goal - doing everything they can to promote the welfare and happiness of their child or children; so why not all work together, talk together, support each other and help promote understanding between different groups whether they are of different gender or different sexual persuasion. These categorisations are irrelevant we believe amongst a community of parents.

We can see that there are definite differences between the sexes in terms of the fact that women are the only gender that get pregnant and have the choice to breastfeed. However, whatever discussions are had between women on the topics of pregnancy or breastfeeding, it would be useful for all parents to join in the conversations so that they may better understand the situation and the difficulties and joys of the process.

We hope you are well and having a happy day,

James and Tania

www.artyempires.com

On 22 Feb 2010, at 12:10, Olivia Vandyk wrote:

Hi James and Tania
I'm having quite a happy day, though the snow is dampening my spirits somewhat as it complicates all manner of the day's logistics!

Thanks so much for your reply.

Your points below actually sound like a great starting point for a a Mumsnet discussion.
The best place to ask for strategies and tips is our Talk board.
www.mumsnet.com/talk
You can post and debate this with our users and see what they think.

Our Talk board is where we get all of our hints and ideas on how to handle issues - you'll be in good hands.
One pointer though, as you're a new poster you may want to avoid posting this in our "am I being unreasonable?" topic to start off with as this is our feistiest area which encourages people to be particularly forthright in their replies.
Again, do get back to us if we can help further.
Best wishes
Olivia
www.mumsnet.com

On 22 Feb 2010, at 12:25, James Wallace wrote:

Okay, thank you for the reply, we will post on the site shortly.

OP posts:
Valpollicella · 22/02/2010 21:42

mwahaha TYV

theyoungvisiter · 22/02/2010 21:45

(seriously - do you think we could petition to have the next MN book be a poetry anthology?)

OrientCalf · 22/02/2010 21:47

oh bravo the poems are fab - so funny

PollyTroll · 22/02/2010 21:55

at all of this, but particularly 'Do It All - an insult to the bone idle'

101damnations · 22/02/2010 22:05

TYV,that poem is pure genius.As it happens,I'm a gardener by trade,and grow all our veg,and do other people's too.I won't be able to harvest a carrot without sniggering now.

LesbianMummy1 · 22/02/2010 22:07

Valpollicella I will run back to my corner now i will never see you again though as you obviously are not allowed in my corner either

GuntherMcKilocodie · 22/02/2010 22:11

Fab TYV. Just noticed rogue apostrophe in my haiku

101damnations · 22/02/2010 22:14

Ode to a gherkin.[or the curcubit's revenge]

I push aside your veiny leaves.
And twist your prickly stalk until it snaps in my hand.
I caress your warty,knobbly length as I rinse you under the tap.
A jar of vinegar awaits and in you plunge
Leering at me from the jar on the shelf
Until the temptation becomes too much and I consume your crunchy vinegariness.
Remembering too late the unpleasant fact
That gherkins give me terrible wind.

PixieOnaLeaf · 22/02/2010 22:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Valpollicella · 22/02/2010 22:18

LM1

Gunther, the pedants will let you off sure;y, as you were obv too excited by your own porny haiku

Valpollicella · 22/02/2010 22:22

Your celery stick

With it's light fronds underneath

Calls out for something moist

I reach for it

Shake it

Bang it

Hard

And it sluices over you

Salad cream

101damnations · 22/02/2010 22:44

These are pure poetry gold.It's a good job the MN party comp wasn't veggie porn rather than haikus.Otherwise they'd have had to hire the Albert Hall.

theyoungvisiter · 22/02/2010 22:52

An ode to Vegetable Love.

Come on don't mess around
Just pull me from the ground
Barely dust me down
Then bite me.

Chop me into chips
Taste me on your lips
Serve me up with dips
And bite me.

Don't hang about and waste me
I'm best before, be hasty
You know you want to taste me
So bite me.

Split my skin
Cram me in
Let my juice run down your chin
Just bite me.

theyoungvisiter · 22/02/2010 22:54

wow who knew I had all this unsuspected vegetable passion.

Off to bed, to lie back and think of aubergines.

TheFirstLady · 22/02/2010 22:54

No courgette you, no, nor spindly bean
You thrill me to the marrow
Every time you plough and harrow
My fruitful earth
With your massive aubergine.

Valpollicella · 22/02/2010 22:59

Run your finger
Down my seam
Expose my bean

Valpollicella · 22/02/2010 23:01
TheFirstLady · 22/02/2010 23:06

Speaking of which, did the OPs ever come back to any of their threads? Won't they have a lovely surprise when they do!

LeninGrad · 22/02/2010 23:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

anidea · 22/02/2010 23:57

Sorry about the multiple threads, I was confused about the way this site works.

I have responded to people's comments on the thread at this link

James

OP posts:
Valpollicella · 22/02/2010 23:58

and we're back in the room. Everyoone over here pls

anidea · 23/02/2010 00:26

I love all the poetries by the way!

OP posts:
Valpollicella · 23/02/2010 00:32

So, James (or Tania)...

What is your precis, based on the above responses, and those on your other theads?

Do hope we won't be quoted in the DM or any other paper after these threads....

anidea · 23/02/2010 01:34

Thank you very much ChristinePrattsDog for the spelling. Will let Tania know when she's awake!

Hello Valpollicella, I don't think I will be quoting you in the newspapers, but perhaps one day I'll write a book with snippets of this.

Not entirely sure what a precis is. Are you asking me to summarise my thoughts or those of the contributors to this thread?

James

OP posts:
67Impala · 23/02/2010 08:01

(deep breath)

OK. Firstly, thankyou for feeling that we ALL need clarification on the name Mumsnet. I do think that most parents will be able to decipher that ANY parent can read the posts, not just Mums (ParentNet wouldn't have the same ring to it now, would it?)

Thanks also for showing that Olivia seems like an absolutely lovely and patient lady (loved her weather report).

And finally, thankyou for showing how black and white your thinking really is. This site can be read by ANYONE, parent or not. Adult or not. Purple, green or orange (no offence to purple, green or orange people). You just have to have the intelligence to click the mouse to get the information you want to read.

Quite frankly, as a parent, I don't see how you have the time to waste on these pointless arguments when there are greater issues in the world to deal with.