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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that, allergies/moral convictions aside, it's only polite to eat what's cooked for you?

169 replies

JaneS · 19/02/2010 21:16

Disclaimer: This is a thread about a thread ('Is my DH a fussy eater'), but it's not intended in any way as an attack on the OP there, or anyone else. I just found myself wondering something I've often thought before.

What I'm wondering is, when should you accommodate people's food preferences, and when do you give up? I'm incredibly greedy, so the list of things I won't eat is tiny (very hot chilli is what comes to mind). I'm fine cooking for DP, whose religion means he mustn't eat meat for 1/3 of the year, and must have a vegan diet for around six weeks every year. And I do accept that if you have a bad reaction to some foods, or consider it morally wrong to eat them, then that's non-negotiable.

But I really find it amazing the number of people there are who seem to be perfectly normal adults, yet who think it's quite ok to provide a long list of likes and dislikes to whoever is catering for them. Not because they can't eat the food in question, but because they don't care for it. Is this really ok? At what point should you just accept that Dish A isn't your choice, and eat it anyway?

OP posts:
allaboutme · 19/02/2010 21:20

Its probably hard to sypathise with if you like most foods, but if you really dislike something that much then you cant eat it!
If I had to eat porridge or weetabix or rice pudding (theres a texture theme going on here!) I would literally gag. Cant do it.
I know other people the same with things like mushrooms or fish.
I'd rather somebody told me they's rather not have fish for example rather than vomming at my dinner table

LetThereBeRock · 19/02/2010 21:22

If you want me to shower everyone in vomit then sure I'll happily eat the parmesan.

runnybottom · 19/02/2010 21:23

I don't think anyone should force it down if they really hate it, but they should try it, pretend to eat it, hide it in a bloody napkin if they must, but not act like a 2 year old demanding chips and egg instead!

waitingforbedtime · 19/02/2010 21:24

Hmmm i think its fair enough if it's in your own home and you don't want to consistently be served up something you don't like BUT I am vegetarian and am quite fussy (dont like rice, spicy stuff, nuts/raisins in savoury food etc etc etc etc) and I would eat anything someone served me at their house so long as it didnt contain meat.

Original poster
JaneS · 19/02/2010 21:24

If you dislike something so much it makes you vomit, I would class that as an allergy! Surely it is?

What I mean is when people say they 'can't' eat something when they actually mean they're not keen on it ... but no serious reactions like being sick, obviously!

OP posts:
LetThereBeRock · 19/02/2010 21:25

I wouldn't want a guest to force down any food they detested.

I'd ask in advance to find out which foods they really dislike. There are foods that I don't particuarly care for but can eat and others that I cannot and would not eat under any circumstances.

My guests are not going to have a good time if they feel obliged to force down something they detest, and if I was hosting a dinner party I'd want them to enjoy themselves.

Vallhala · 19/02/2010 21:25

No problem here with religion, morals, health or just plain "it makes me throw up".

But if I were the host and anyone told me that they didn't want to be served X or Y merely because they didn't like it I'd bloody well give it to them out of sheer indignance at their rudeness!

LetThereBeRock · 19/02/2010 21:26

No it isn't an allergy. It's an absolute hatred/revulsion of parmesan as well as a few other foods.

I could not consume anything with parmesan in it if you offered me a million pounds to do so.

LetThereBeRock · 19/02/2010 21:28

What I will say is that I don't think the guests should comment, at the time of the dinner party, about how much they hate that particular food, just push it around your plate for a while and leave it.

Miggsie · 19/02/2010 21:32

If they can afford to be that fussy that they leave it on the plate then missing a single meal will do them no harm.

I tolerate allergies, and my orthodox Jewish friends, but I draw the line at "I don't like any of my food to be touching" brigade.

MrsC2010 · 19/02/2010 21:36

I was amazed when I had 2 very close couple friends over for donner, one of the ladies was vegetarian. No problem at all. We also knew that one of the guys wasn't into fish. So we did some homemade lasagnes, veg for the veggie and normal for everyone else. Served with lots of veggies, garlic bread, salad etc. Only to discover when they arrived that the non-fish eater wouldn't eat anything tomatoey that wasn't ketchup, no pasta, no veg, no salad...basically just meat and potatoes. He and his other half (one of my best friends) just stood and stared at me as I flapped my jaw trying desperately to think of something to offer him. The food was ready and it was only when it was being served that they said this...what was I to do?! I ended up having to do a chicken breast and chips...with ketchup...whilst keeping everything else warm. I have no probelm with food intolerances, allergies, religion etc etc but I found this really rude.

Coldhands · 19/02/2010 21:36

YABU, I am a fussy eater which is why I prefer not to eat out. If someone invites me to their home for food, they find out what I will eat, which, if you are inviting someone for food, is a polite thing to do. To serve something that a guest doesn't like then expect them to eat it is incredibly rude IMO. If it was something I didn't like, I would not eat it. And if it does make you vomit, it does not mean you have an allergy. I loathe coconut and urge like mad (I don't eat it so don't know if I would be sick) but I'm not allergic to it. I just hate the taste.

The same if I invite people over, I check first if they like what I am cooking.

Coldhands · 19/02/2010 21:38

That must have been very annoying MrsC but didn't you think to ask first if they liked what you were planning on cooking? It could have saved you a lot of hassle.

BritFish · 19/02/2010 21:42

i think if you hate something really common [like MrsC's no pasta, veg guy]
you would mention it to the host before the dinner wouldnt you?
"oh, just thought i'd mention, im really sorry but i just cant stomach fish, hope it doesnt put you out..."

polite and normal!

if i was made to eat coleslaw, id gag. i cant even stand the smell of it. ugghh.

OTTMummA · 19/02/2010 21:43

If im having another couple over i tell them the menu about a week before, if they don't like it then i change it moderately etc, although ive been to plenty of restaurants with friends to know what they do and don't eat.
I i have more than 4-6 people coming over i have a big hot buffet style meal, there is always something people like, always make sure there is a plain pasta and seperate sauce, and jackets/ homemade wedges etc. and a big salad.

YanknCock · 19/02/2010 21:43

YANBU. I'm just grateful when someone else cooks.

LetThereBeRock · 19/02/2010 21:45

I feel the same way about coleslaw Britfish,actually even thinking about it makes me feel ill at times,like now.

LetThereBeRock · 19/02/2010 21:45

I feel the same way about coleslaw Britfish,actually even thinking about it makes me feel ill at times,like now.

LetThereBeRock · 19/02/2010 21:46

I detest it so much that I had to post twice to emphasise my hatred.

nickytwotimes · 19/02/2010 21:48

I always ask people if there is anything they don't like/can't eat before hand. And I always let people know I am veggie if I am going anywhere. I think it is good manners to let others know if you are really averse to something; to make a remark about it or leave it untouched is the height of bad manners.

muggglewump · 19/02/2010 21:49

YANBU.
My bf is so fussy and it really pisses me off.

I cook for him, he loves my cooking, but I only cook things he likes.
If there's something he dislikes, he wonlt have it on his plate.

He'd never eat something to be polite,. Never.
He wouldn't even go for a Maccas when DD wanted one as he doesn't like it, so we went to BK instead.

God, it sounds so silly, and as though we eat lots of junk, but really, a grown man who couldn't eat one burger over the other to please an 8yr old having a rare treat?

I hate it, I find it rude, and quite childish, and yes he does know.

AFAIAC, unless you will vomit or die, you eat it and pretend to like it.

BritFish · 19/02/2010 21:50

LetThereBeRock:
i know people who just eat it straight out of the pot. i just gurned in horror.
i dont understand how it can look appealing to anyone...

GhoulsAreLoud · 19/02/2010 21:50

I sort of know what you mean. My cousin is fussy and has also been spoilt all her life.

She wouldn't eat croissants when she stayed at my house (definitely wasn't a diet thing) because she doesn't like them.

I mean honestly, who couldn't force down a croissant if it came to it?

Pikelit · 19/02/2010 21:50

I'd never serve anything that was truly detested or taboo for religious reasons or that someone was allergic too. But I'm getting ever so bored with people who think they should be admired for their fussiness. Get a grip, I say. Millions of people in the world are starving. It's a fucking luxury to be fussy so either stay home or don't make a huge issue when invited out.

ILovePlayingDarts · 19/02/2010 21:52

I generally ask beforehand, because I would hate to invite people, and find they didn't like what I prepared. I think it reasonable to ask. Personally, I hate eating shellfish. Not an allergy but an aversion to the taste/texture. There's no way I would touch them.

However, my dp and I were invited to supper once, and unfortunately they piled far too much food on my plate. I think they were trying to be hospitable, but as I was 6 mths pregnant at the time, I wasn't able to eat much food at any one time, I was eating little & often. I felt I had to explain that while the food was in fact very nice (and it was!) I just couldn't eat a great quantity of it.