to think that, allergies/moral convictions aside, it's only polite to eat what's cooked for you?

[JaneS]

Disclaimer: This is a thread about a thread ('Is my DH a fussy eater'), but it's not intended in any way as an attack on the OP there, or anyone else. I just found myself wondering something I've often thought before.

What I'm wondering is, when should you accommodate people's food preferences, and when do you give up? I'm incredibly greedy, so the list of things I won't eat is tiny (very hot chilli is what comes to mind). I'm fine cooking for DP, whose religion means he mustn't eat meat for 1/3 of the year, and must have a vegan diet for around six weeks every year. And I do accept that if you have a bad reaction to some foods, or consider it morally wrong to eat them, then that's non-negotiable.

But I really find it amazing the number of people there are who seem to be perfectly normal adults, yet who think it's quite ok to provide a long list of likes and dislikes to whoever is catering for them. Not because they can't eat the food in question, but because they don't care for it. Is this really ok? At what point should you just accept that Dish A isn't your choice, and eat it anyway?

tallulah, he's Eastern Orthodox Christian. They fast from meat and dairy for around 1/3 of the year, but it is a very accommodating religion so it is up to you to decide how much fasting you should do - just giving up chocolate in Lent is enough! But DP was brought up in Russia so he is used to the full fast. On Fridays every week he can't have meat or dairy, and during fast periods (eg. Lent and Advent), he can't have meat, dairy or fish on Fridays. Also in Lent and Advent, for the last week he must be vegan.

It's fascinating but imo a bit strange! But I love him so I just cope with it - couldn't do it if he were fussy at all, because I have so little chance to try exciting foods!

Eugh, I can't abide fussy eaters. Well, adult fussy eaters. We all have one or two foods we really dislike (for me it's bananas and snails) but I think it's just rude to have an ultra-long list of things one 'cannot' eat. We can't all have our favourite foods all the time, can we?

My BF's OH doesn't like vegetables. ALL vegetables. They once came round before a night out. I said 'I'm cooking beef stew, is that ok?' 'Fine' they said.

They came round, we all started eating. Boyfriend is halfway through his meal and says 'this is lovely, what's in it'. I mention that it contains onions and he immediately stops eating it there and then.

I mean, really. He'd been enjoying it up until then. It didn't suddenly change taste. I love cooking for other people and take it personally when someone rejects my food (obvious cooking disasters excepted).

I just find it incredibly ungrateful. I've almost choked things down before because the cook has gone to a lot of effort for me, and it's the decent thing to do. But then, I'm amazed by the amount of people who don't say thank you for a meal (before they've tasted it, that is).

Do I get a consolation prize for guessing anyway?

The only things I'm really fussy about are pudding-related - not keen on cream, berries, bananas, meringues, all sorts of things (do NOT have a sweet tooth). It's quite handy - I can always claim to be dieting (shortly before demolishing half a Stilton).

Of course you do, LetThereBeRock!

It is a strange religion, I'd never heard of it before, but DP is such a nice normal bloke that I am quite happy to put up with it

Just not, er, the kind of people slacksally describes!

Thankyou.

I had a Turkish Armenian boyfriend - LittleRedDragon - but not for long enough to get to know his dietary habits

My mother is a bit of a fusspot - plain, plain, bland, plain, bland.

Ironically she'd feed me all kinds of offal because she thought I was a peaky child who needed building up. I can remember her almost holding her nose while cooking it for me.

I like offal, btw, except for chitterlings and spinal cord. I'm still a bit of a stripling though with the odd lumpy bit.

If only I were MN cool, I would think of some subtle dirty phrase incorporating 'the odd lumpy bit'

No, the guy I speak of is not DD's Dad.

I think perhaps I just love food and am really adventurous and I don't understand someone who doesn't think like me?
I have wondered this.

Nah, bollocks, he's fussy.

We went to Jimmy Chung's, the Chinese buffet place. DD and I loved it, yeah, it's cheap crap, but we relished stuffing ourselves with it.
Anyway, bf and I both had some duck on our plates. I made him a pancake and went to feed it to him. Not in a romantic way, just a daft way and he visibly moved away said that he wouldn't eat it because he doesn't like pancakes.

How the hell can you not like them, when you eat several similar foods?
They are neutral.

It was just rude.

I get (inwardly) impatient with adult fussy eaters - but tend to cater for them any way

I think I am quite blinkered about it though because I can name the foods I just can't or won't eat on literally one hand. Suppose some people do not experience the same taste sensations as me and it could be a genuine issue

yanbu

It would not occur to me to ask guests beforehand what they thought of what I was intending to cook - I have never been asked.

I do tell people I am a real vegetarian & I don't eat egg. But I do also tell them so long as it fits in there, there really isn't anything I don't eat - so I'm not fussy. There are things I wouldn't choose to eat at home or in a restaurant, but there isn't really anything I wouldn't eat in someone's home.

If I invite people for dinner that I don't know, I would expect them to tell me if there was anything they were allergic to/really hated/morally against.

I feel it's my obligation to let people know I am veggie (and thanks to the twats who say they are veggie - but they eat chicken & fish, now have to explain I am a real veggie) and theirs to let me know if I am catering....

Bollocks to all this pre-approved menu crap.

When we have people over to dinner for the first time, we would probably ask the guests beforehand if there was anything they really didn't like and then serve avoid cooking that.

That seems to me to strike the right balance of not giving people something they hate but not taking requests - I'm not running a restuarant and I don't cook separate meals.

Quite happy to accommodate someone like ScreaminEagle, I'd serve a plain dish with sauce in a jug for people to add or not according to taste. But people who only like potatoes done in a certain way, for example? That's just being fussy. If you don't want to eat them, leave them. You don't get an alternative.

I agree with Mattellie. I'm not taking requests for cooking, and I don't cook separate meals.

I do have a friend who does seem to have severe food issues, and we just agree that if he comes to our house, he can choose whether or not to have a plate, and can eat anything on the table that he feels happy to eat. And if that means he doesn't eat anything, so be it. It's like ScreamingEagle says - he knows it's a problem, and we've worked out a solution that we're happy with.

I don't eat food I detest - why would I, I'm not a child any more. Our friends tend to socialise in the pub or in restauarants where of course you can choose what you like.

On the odd occasions that we cook for each other, we do simple 'common denominator' stuff like chicken casserole or lasagne, and we know each other well enough to know we'll all like it.

I'd rather not go to somebody's house at all than be faced with food I detest and some kind of social 'bush tucker trial' in which I force it down and look pleased despite wanting to retch. That isn't fun, so why do it - I can relax and eat food I like if I stay at home.

Mmm. ScreaminEagle, when you say you've got a genuine problem and then casually slip in that you don't eat fish, that is the sort of thing that gets on my nerves.

Ha, riven, I love celery, eat it nearly every day. But I certainly wouldn't be offended if you just hid left yours on the side of your plate. That's what adults do, isn't it? Just politely leave things they don't like.

I don't find anything rude in that. It's only rude if you go 'ugh, celery yuck, revolting stuff' and make a big song and dance about it. But I'm sure you wouldn't do that

I never get invited to othe rpeoples houses for dinner
I eat most things except too hot spicy and most fish
the hot spicy is a taste thing and I will try it but the fish is a body rejection thing.

So anyone want to ask me round for dinner?

Yes, agree YANBU perfectly ok to leave stuff you positively can't get down, but to serve up a list of preferences prior is rude unless allergy/religious/moral - which I would always accommodate but I would still try to do only one meal.

If I don't know the person very well, had invited them round and they had a huge list of wants, really I would think we're not a good fit for eating at home, and maybe arrange to eat at a restaurant with them from then on.