to think that, allergies/moral convictions aside, it's only polite to eat what's cooked for you?

[JaneS]

Disclaimer: This is a thread about a thread ('Is my DH a fussy eater'), but it's not intended in any way as an attack on the OP there, or anyone else. I just found myself wondering something I've often thought before.

What I'm wondering is, when should you accommodate people's food preferences, and when do you give up? I'm incredibly greedy, so the list of things I won't eat is tiny (very hot chilli is what comes to mind). I'm fine cooking for DP, whose religion means he mustn't eat meat for 1/3 of the year, and must have a vegan diet for around six weeks every year. And I do accept that if you have a bad reaction to some foods, or consider it morally wrong to eat them, then that's non-negotiable.

But I really find it amazing the number of people there are who seem to be perfectly normal adults, yet who think it's quite ok to provide a long list of likes and dislikes to whoever is catering for them. Not because they can't eat the food in question, but because they don't care for it. Is this really ok? At what point should you just accept that Dish A isn't your choice, and eat it anyway?

Yeah, but you still admit it's a dislike, right? So why not be polite and eat it?

Various different strong cheeses, cream sauces, mushrooms, strong fish, most red meat. I will literally puke everywhere if they pas my lips. I start retching at just the smell of lamb

Sorry about that

If you are being generous enough to invite people to your house to eat then why wouldn't you provide them with what you know they'll enjoy?
At xmas we had one fish eating vegetarian, two white meat only eaters one of whom didn't eat turkey, two gluten frees, one lactose intolerant and one kosher.
They all had what they preferred and all had a lovely time.

Joan, I'm not superwoman! It's great that you can cater for such a range, but I struggle. I don't mind trying and I've never yet failed to cater for everyone (inc. three different meals cooked in a tiny shared kitchen in my last place). But it doesn't stop me thinking it's rude.

I like having people round because I enjoy their company, enjoy an evening of chatting and having fun together - but I don't like the way that otherwise normal, nice people turn strange when it comes to food.

Did you build an extra sink and install an extra cooker for the kosher friend?

When I have people around I cook meals that I enjoy making, and with the exception of those who have religious or dietary restrictions I expect my guests to enjoy what I serve without having to ask for instructions. I am a good cook and I make very tasty meals. I never make more than one meal for my own family and wouldn't expect to do so for anyone else (except when I have lots of guests and do more of a buffet thing). On the other hand I wouldn't cook anything that I know lots of people are fussy about (like interesting fish) unless I knew that the guests in question liked it.

I don't think I am quite as intolerant as my mother (who on being told that one of our friends as teenagers was a vege would be inclined to offer them a lump of cheese or handful of peanuts to replace the meat we were eating) but I have found from trying to cater at work lunches etc that those who are fussy are also really in general quite picky about their food - it's rarely just one thing they don't eat, things have to be "just so". I don't think I would enjoy entertaining people with that sort of attitude.

Lots of people have 'sensitive palates' or are 'super-tasters'.

I've got a sensitive palate myself and have always had difficulty with bitter foods like brocolli and sprouts.

I remember heaving once eating butter which had been stored alongside fish in the NAAFI freezer. I could taste the fish but nobody else could in my family , and could taste it even when the butter was used in cooking.

I still eat what I'm offered as a guest at someone's house. Even if I don't enjoy it.

ScreaminEagle I would class your food preferences as reasonable, because, as you say, it makes you retch if you try them, and it is a genuine medical thing which makes your tastebuds so sensitive. What I think the OP means are the people who claim they 'don't like' something, but really they just have a very mild dislike or have never tried it before. So, say, someone who eats potatoes, fine, not a problem - but not if they're boiled. And then makes a fuss if you offer them boiled potatoes.

My brother only really eats processed meat. It's not the flavour; I think he has a problem producing saliva, so his mouth goes bone dry if he has to chew for too long. He can have chicken breast if it's cut up very small, but not in great big chunks. I don't class that as fussy, because it's a legitimate reason. My sister for years refusing to eat pizza, on the other hand, was fussiness. She finally tried a cheese and tomato pizza, and loved it. It's the latter who cause problems.

I don't call it 'being fussy' if it's going to make you gag to eat something. If I refused to eat pork in cider, I would be being fussy. I don't particularly like it, but I can eat it without issue, and have.

I have found myself in the position of asking someone to turn their plate around so that the fish wasn't gaping at me (even typing this makes me feel anxious). But when I'm a guest I eat what I'm given.

My MIL - who is an excellent cook - once served us boiled ham with boiled leeks. No doubt there were other things on the table as well, though I don't remember them. But I'm not sure I can think of any other common foods I dislike more. Nonetheless I said "thank you", ate what I was served and declined seconds. It was probably another year before she ever asked me whether there were any foods I disliked. She hasn't served me boiled ham or boiled leeks since, but every time we come she lets me know how tricky it is to cook for us seeing as I won't eat pork. I'm quite happy not to eat pork (I'm Jewish), but I think I'd almost rather do so than have to listen to that every time we visit.

And I've never asked her not to feed us pork. Not my place to do so, IMO.

Thanks Tott, that is what I meant. I said earlier in the thread that I reckon if something makes you retch, that is obviously not something you can eat! But so many people do seem to say they 'don't eat' food x when they actually just mean they're not mad keen on it. My DP and his family are wide-eyed with amazement about British eating habits - they're Russian and that country has been through a lot of poor times, so they don't have this culture of it being ok to choose to dislike something that's healthy food (or unhealthy alcohol, for that matter!)

As others have said, I am always pathetically grateful that someone has cooked for me for a change, that I will eat whatever I am given at a dinner party. Not celery though, but it would be a bit weird unusual to be offered a celery-only dish, so I would just leave it on the side of my plate or give it to DH to scoff. We have a arrangement where he eats my celery and I eat his cucumber.

I used to go out with a bloke from Liverpool whose elderly mother used to cook us Sunday dinners where the meat was cold and everything else was hot and the veges really overcooked. Pretty horrid, but as I had lived through school dinners in the 70's I was able to eat it in a such a way that it was actually ok. Cold meat with hot potato, veg last, leave gelatinous gravy. She was such a lovely lady that I couldn't leave it.

Actually Prettycandles I don't think it would be unreasonable of you to expect your MIL not to feed you pork. I'm assuming she knows you're Jewish ?

Wow - Prettycandles, how hard can it be to avoid pork? That's not exactly an obscure religious tenet, either!

Sarf, I'm making a mental note to replace my usual euphemisms with 'he eats my celery and I eat his cucumber'. Fantastic

Screamineagle, standanddeliver, does being a supertaster make you enjoy food more (I would have thought) or less? Is it an advantage for a top chef to be a supertaster?

Why would Candles MIL not cook pork, when Candles appears to eat pork?

I think I would eat anything that a host provided tbh, I haven't had much practice though seeing as I have never been to an official dinner party . Although I might try something and if I really didn't like it, leave it to one side or push it around the plate (celery yuck, seems to be a running theme here).

MIL used to make vile shepherds pie with packet sauce and boiled mince, I still ate it mind. I also used to inwardly boak when she used to eat jellied eels, although she never forced these on me thank god.

With dp, who likes cooking and tries new dishes out all the time, I will just tell him I'm not keen and leave it. For example tonight when he did sticky ribs with a sauce from a jar, everyone else seemed to enjoy it but to me it tasted exactly like TCP, so I left it and had a sandwich. I'm not going to eat stuff I don't like in my own house to be polite.

Maybe I misread her post, but I thought pretty candles said she did not like pork. I would assume that a Jewish person would not eat pork unless they told me otherwise. I didn't have a particularly multi-cultural education but I did pick that up in RE.

Joan, all of those dietary requirements are very different to the rude fussiness that has been discussed so far. I have no issue whatsoever with any of the requirements you have mentioned, and wil cater for them whatsoever. The rudeness of the example in my earlier post however, hacks me off. As did the later implication that it was somehow my fault for not having checked my menu with others first, not for allergies etc as I had those covered, but for likes and dislikes. 2 points: A) When did this become the norm? B) I actually did.

Next time I'll just spread a few takeaway menus around!

I would assume the same Sarf, unless I had seen them eat boiled ham with my own eyes, then I would feel free to serve pork!

Why two whatsoevers in my previous post?! I don't remember typing that!

But you wouldn't have served it in the first place would you - that's what I mean - seems a bit of an odd thing to serve.

By the way MrsC2010 I am often free a short notice for a lovely dinner...