to turn the hv away at the door yesterday?

[IwishIwasmoreorganised]

When she booked the appt for ds2's 18 month check for 11.30am I said yes, but did explain that ds2 had lunch about 12.00 and had his nap afterwards. She said that was fine. I also offered to go to clinic as that was what I had to do for ds1, but she said it was normal for them to visit us at home.

By 12.00 there was no sign of her so I rang her office where the clerk said she was out on her calls but she didn't know her mobile number and had no way of contacting her.
So when she turned up at 12.15pm (without a phone call to say she was running late and was it still ok) I explained that we were eating lunch (we'd not long started as had been waiting for her) then ds2 was going to bed as he was tired.

She was a little stroppy and said that she could not come out again but she had to do his developmental check and I would have to go to clinic to see her after baby clinic which I have agreed to.

AIBU to have turned her away yesterday? I think if she'd have rung to say she was running so late I could have given ds2 his lunch a little earlier and kept him up but as we had no idea if she was coming or not, I carried on as usual.

Fair point panda, i think that they were both a bit U. The HV could have rang and said that she would be running late it was 45 mins and not 15, and the OP could have just let her come in and do the check, now she has to go to the clinic which might or might not be close.

would have been pretty rude of her to call you while with another client as well.

Would you turn your mother away if she was 45 mins late?

It's still only Tuesday too! What a week we will have. Mumsnet Gold all the way to the sorrier end of Sunday.

drags up the most commodious chair

yes unreasonable.hv work in community things come up eg mum struggling with baby,feeding,an ax taking longer, transport.anyone myriad of reasons

given you weren't actually going on anywhere for an appt or massively inconvenienced im surprised you declined her

the nature of health work is things can and do come up and must be responded this can have unfortunately knock on effect to next appt too.but just consider if you were seeing gp/community staff and your appt over ran you wouldn't like to be hurried along.sometimes practitioners run late

but in scheme of things 45min is late but not whole day ruined

My HV offered me a home visit in the morning for this check and I just asked for it to be afternoon as it is much easier if it doesn't get in the way of lunch/nap etc.

Maybe if you are going to be so rigid with your routine you should have planned the appointment to fit in better?

IME health visitors can be generally unhelpful & unapproachable. YANBU!!! You asked for an appointment at a different time & she wouldn't be flexible for you- it's not as if the check has to be done as soon as baby is 18 months 1 day & 1 second old! She could have been much more helpful & offered an appointment a week/month later if it fitted your day better.

I find it so annoying that people who are mean't to be there to help you can have so many opinions on your life! All depends on the current trend- are routines recommended by health visitors now? Don't know my DD is now 7 but I remember my health visitor being more of a nuisance than a help!

you might want to try reading before posting pugs.

What is this 18 month check people talk about, DD has had no developmental checks at all, I recall DS having one at maybe 3 years but for DD , nothing but then I havent seen a HV since she was 8 months old and prior to that it was at my 6 week check, I must be of ftheir radar

YABU.

he was still up, eating maybe but still up.

it would not have been too hard for the HV to do thru most of the check while talking to you and he was eating, and then once he finished did the practical part of it before you put him down.

now you will have to go to the surgery and have it all done in front of other mums, and what if you have something you want to talk about privatly??

Psycho - the op wanted the appointment at the surgery originally.

Ok, I've read the whole thread, and I've read and re-read the OP.

I think that what the OP is actually saying is that she didn't want to do the check up while her DS was having lunch.

Because, she says that she'd given him his lunch later than usual as she'd been waiting for HV.

BUT she also says " I think if she'd have rung to say she was running so late I could have given ds2 his lunch a little earlier and kept him up"

So, actually, she would and could have delayed his nap. But she didn't. I'm not sure why - either because she didn't want to do the check while DS was eating, or maybe because she didn't want to rearrange her schedule because the HV hadn't phoned to say she'd be late.

Personally, op, I think you were being unreasonable - I'm sure the HV would have said it was ok to see him while he was eating, or even waited for him to finish if he has food/audience issues or somesuch.

Also, by your own admission you had already waited - now you are going to have to wait all over again at the clinic.

Yabu

OK so perhaps a leetle PFB, but I've so been there too so can hardly berate you on that, so on this point IMHO, YANBU.

The HV was 45 mins late, you were hanging on and on for her, calling the office etc.

If she'd had the courtesy to get a message to you to say I'll be 30 mins or so late, you could have gone ahead with lunch etc. Or held it all back to allow her to do it all before your LO needs the nap. So ok it wouldn't have killed you to delay it all, but it IS inconvenient, and ill mannered.

I find lateness to be utterly rude, and in this overconnected society, to do so without letting us know etc, is literally inexcusable.

So on that point again OP, YANBU.

this is the problem with appointments being given out. I think the hv should do what the rest of the community nursing population does and give vague morning or afternoon slots.

That way if they get held up with a patient then they are covered and aren't getting flamed for it.

The only unreasonable thing about this situation is that the op wasn't told that hv had been held up and was still coming.

Dear God. YABU and exceptionally pfb.

Wow - this has kicked off in true MN style

Can't see what the problem is - HV running 45 minutes late, turns up in the middle of lunch. Check would take around 20-30 minutes (involves building towers and other nonsense iirc), so by the time her DC had finished lunch and the test it would be around 1.5 hours later than normal nap time. That didn't suit the OP, so she said she would arrange another clinic appointment.

Child gets nap at normal time. HV gets to catch up on appointments. OP gets to go to the clinic as she originally suggested. Seems a no-brainer win-win to me.

Again - YANBU

Oh - and it wasn't pfb. It's DC2.

Thank-you Maisie this is what I have been trying to say all along.

Win-win end of.

I think 45 minutes late and no phone call is a bit much.

Still seems like a pfb attitude to me.

In our area HVs don't have work mobiles, only personal ones. It would have been nice for her to phone you to let you know she was running late but

maybe she decided to just crack on and get to your house rather than stop and try and call. She can't phone you when she's driving.

maybe she felt that she shouldn't have to use her personal phone to make work calls and that you would understand that HVs can't always run exactly to time.

I think YANBU to be a bit cheesed off but you could have let her in, chatted whilst your DS had his lunch and then played it by ear - if he had got too tired and grumpy you could have then asked the HV to finish the assessment another day at the clinic.

YABU - my HV used to do this ALL the time. Drove me mad.

wow - what a response

This is my first AIBU thread that has taken off in this way - I apologise for not getting back to it sooner! I will try to answer as many of the questions as I can (without re-reading the whole thread and taking notes!)

FWIW - The child in question is my 2nd child. Not a pfb (I hate that phrase and am glad in this case that I can't be accused of ds2 being one!).

We do work to a routine, purely because it works for us. The suggestion of it being OCD-like is laughable! It is flexible-ish, but I had a very important appointment that I had to attend mid-afternoon and so it was less flexible than usual yesterday (probably should have said that in my op). DS1's equivalent assessment took about 45 minutes, so keeping him up really wasn't an option.

Mealtimes are important in this house, we try to eat together as much as possible and I don't feel that having it interrupted would have been particularly fair on either of our sons.

DS2 is 21 months already so we have been waiting a while for the 18 month check - and I do have some concerns about his speech - he still doesn't have any recognisable words, which is why I feel the check is needed.

Going to clinic will be more of a PITA - she has asked us to go at the end of clinic. It always runs late so who knows how long we will have to wait! The only good thing is that it will be mid afternoon, so DS2 will be reasonably accomodating (as much as a 21 month old boy can be!). He's really not very flexible when he's tired and hungry which is why we carried on with lunch as usual yeserday.

I too work in the NHS and have spent several years working in the community, often seeing vulnerable people. I was very aware that peoples time is precious and made every effort to be on time, or to contact them if I was running late for some reason. Sometimes people would request to reschedule and that was fine.

I do not feel that because yesterday is a day that I do not work, I should be happy to wait around without any contact from this healthcare "professional" and make my plans for later in the day suffer.