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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to turn the hv away at the door yesterday?

257 replies

IwishIwasmoreorganised · 16/02/2010 13:25

When she booked the appt for ds2's 18 month check for 11.30am I said yes, but did explain that ds2 had lunch about 12.00 and had his nap afterwards. She said that was fine. I also offered to go to clinic as that was what I had to do for ds1, but she said it was normal for them to visit us at home.

By 12.00 there was no sign of her so I rang her office where the clerk said she was out on her calls but she didn't know her mobile number and had no way of contacting her.
So when she turned up at 12.15pm (without a phone call to say she was running late and was it still ok) I explained that we were eating lunch (we'd not long started as had been waiting for her) then ds2 was going to bed as he was tired.

She was a little stroppy and said that she could not come out again but she had to do his developmental check and I would have to go to clinic to see her after baby clinic which I have agreed to.

AIBU to have turned her away yesterday? I think if she'd have rung to say she was running so late I could have given ds2 his lunch a little earlier and kept him up but as we had no idea if she was coming or not, I carried on as usual.

OP posts:
ForestFire · 17/02/2010 08:23

i think there is NO REASON not to be on time or to ring as a HV

sister used to go out if she was late

BooHooo · 17/02/2010 08:49

What LITR said

FanjolinaJolie · 17/02/2010 09:36

I also don't like the "" around health "professional"

CathyBurns · 17/02/2010 09:43

LITR's post is a bit vindictive imo

smacks of "yippeeee, a thread in AIBU, we can really go to town on this one and then blame the OP for posting here"

I think it's discourteous to be 45 minutes late, a phone call wouldn't be too much to ask

HVs are at best a mixed blessing ime - it's perfectly reasonable to cut them out altogether and just go to a doctor if you have a problem that requires medical attention

but if you do want HV visits, I think it's fair to expect to be notified at the very least if she is going to be extravagantly late for an agreed appt.

AnyFucker · 17/02/2010 09:55

yup, fanj

very superior and rather unpleasant that was...

WeddingDaze · 17/02/2010 09:55

LITR - No, you think OP is all those things, plenty of other people don't, you are not the voice of MN, sorry to burst your little bubble there

OP - Has said she'd never posted on AIBU before so doesn't know all your rules for it.

I forgot when the law was passed that means HVs are the centre of the universe and we have to do as they say when we say despite the incovenience.

OrmRenewed · 17/02/2010 10:19

FFS! I don't think it matters whether you think the HV was right or wrong for being late or not carrying a mobile phone. She turned up at your door to carry out an examination which presumably you wanted done. Why send her away? Why not just let her come in and get on with it?

She was there to do a job that everyone agreed needed doing. She turned up late. But then you refused to let her in because she had failed to meet your requirements to the letter. If a delivery driver was late would you send him away? Or a friend who turned up late for a meal?

GhoulsAreLoud · 17/02/2010 10:26

I still think the OP was being unreasonable because she's inconvenenienced both herself and the HV by sending her away.

I did get the impression from the thread that she was being sent away because the OP wasnt impressed with her time keeping. I think life is a bit too short to spend time teaching others a lesson at your own inconvenience.

GhoulsAreLoud · 17/02/2010 10:29

And before anyone tells me she wanted to go the clinic anyway so hasn't inconvenienced herself, here it is in black and white:

"Going to clinic will be more of a PITA - she has asked us to go at the end of clinic. It always runs late so who knows how long we will have to wait!"

I don't understand this mentality at all. She's waited once for the HV, now she's sent her away and has to wait again. Added to that she has to wait even longer for her concerns over her DS' speech to be addressed. Why? Just to make a point about time keeping? I'm sorry, but to me that is petty.

ageing5yearseachyear · 17/02/2010 10:35

yABVVU!

Anybody who spends their day out on visits, probably trying to balance an over full work load and arrives only half an hour or so after the suggested time should be bloody applauded- not turned away at the door. i could just about sympathise if the kid was asleep- but he was eating lunch.

one can only assume that this is pfb. loosen up and join the human race.

Reallytired · 17/02/2010 10:43

I think you should be ashamed of yourself. Health visitors are busy people and often have more important things to do than an 18 month old development check.

Maybe she was councelling a suicidal mother, or maybe she was up to her ears in a child protection issue.

Many areas, particularly in London have a serious lack of health visitors. In our area there are no developmental checks.

SpicedGerkin · 17/02/2010 10:43

You'd be assuming wrong then ageing.

anastaisia · 17/02/2010 10:44

I'm not into routines at all. No set times for getting up, going to sleep or meals.

But YANBU. Both because the late visit messed up your day and because....

I don't have anything against individual HVs or midwives etc. But it isn't a good service to give 4 hour time slots or turn up 45 minutes late. And I wouldn't blame the individuals - but if the parents just brush that off with 'oh well, their time is worth more than ours, they might have had an emergency situation' how will it ever improve. Because guess what, I bet she didn't have an emergency. I bet that her workload is just too much ALL the time because there isn't the funding to share it out over enough HVs. And every time they say to the powers that be - we need more staff. The PTB say - no one is complaining; you turn up late and have to stay over time, but everyone is happy.

You don't do parents or professionals any favours by expecting things to work haphazardly.

SpicedGerkin · 17/02/2010 10:45

reallytired - what has the fact your area doesn't do them have to do with anything?

Reallytired · 17/02/2010 10:50

The OP is a spoilt diva. She obviously thinks that her family are the centre of the universe.

Most health professionals are terribly over worked. Home visits are expensive for the nhs. I am sure that if mothers had to pay for the time of the health visitor then they would give them a bit more respect.

SpicedGerkin · 17/02/2010 10:52

lol Or people would expect a bit of courtesy.

OP Had also offered to go to the clinic. HVs aren't immune to being loons either.

Reallytired · 17/02/2010 11:06

I expect the health visitor thought that it would be fairer to assess a child's development in its home enviroment.

Half an hour late is fairly typical for most health professionals. I think that the OP was being a bit precious.

SpicedGerkin · 17/02/2010 11:11

45 minutes late and it does make a difference.

Not fairer to do it when the child is over tired surely?

Not to mention the fact that it was clearly inconvenient for the OP, do you expect HVs et all to ignore when it suits the parent/carer?

Reallytired · 17/02/2010 11:21

"Not to mention the fact that it was clearly inconvenient for the OP, do you expect HVs et all to ignore when it suits the parent/carer? "

I expect HVs to balance the needs of ALL their clients. Maybe being 45 minutes late is inconvient, but prehaps there were strong reasons which the health visitor could not go into.

If the health visitor was talking a young mother out of suicide then I would not expect her to break off the conversation to phone a mother to say that she was going to be late for some snotty brat's development check.

If a health visitor thought a child was in a life threatening situation, then I would expect her to put all her energies into contacting social services.

My point about not all areas having health checks shows that they are not essential. Our area sends out a questionaire. The health visitor only assesses when there is a problem identified.

It does seem odd having a home visit for an 18 month old child. Maybe the health visitor thinks the OP has mental health problems or is checking for a child protection issue. Surely in that sort of situation being a little bit flexible and polite to the health visitor is the best course of action.

TheVoiceOfMN · 17/02/2010 11:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MaisietheMorningsideCat · 17/02/2010 13:32

I think you'll find MTMC is the voice of MN, and I say the OP was not being unreasonable or precious. Happy thoughts, love and peace all round

Original poster
IwishIwasmoreorganised · 17/02/2010 20:58

Blimey - you're all still at it

The issue here is not just that she was late and hadn't had the courtesy to make any contact before arriving late, but the impact it would have had on the rest of our day and an important unavoidable meeting that afternoon

I truly am amazed at the number of people who feel that it is acceptable for our NHS professionals to be under so much stress that they do not have to time (perhaps after their over running appt while they were talking a patient out of their suicide attempt or whatever has held them up) to call up their next patient to apologise and check it is still inconvenient. It is certainly something that I always managed to do while working in the community. As anastaisia has said, if people put up with this system, no improvements are going to be made. I'm sure that I would be turned away from an appointment if I turned up that late without making any contact beforehand.

anyfucker I do accept that I was wrong to put " " around the word professional, though I do feel that slapdash systems such as this do paint an unprofessional picture of the individuals who work within it.

I do object to my ds2 being referred to as a "snotty brat" reallytired - there really is no need for that.

OP posts:
Irishchic · 17/02/2010 21:10

Yes Really Tired, you totally lost the argument when you swung in with that nasty comment. It says more about you than anything else you were writing about.

AnyFucker · 17/02/2010 21:13

ah, good, IWIWMA

I shall re-apply my meh to this thread then

MaisietheMorningsideCat · 17/02/2010 21:50

Shoo - away, the lot of you. I have banged my gavel, and my high horse is in his stable.