to turn the hv away at the door yesterday?

[IwishIwasmoreorganised]

When she booked the appt for ds2's 18 month check for 11.30am I said yes, but did explain that ds2 had lunch about 12.00 and had his nap afterwards. She said that was fine. I also offered to go to clinic as that was what I had to do for ds1, but she said it was normal for them to visit us at home.

By 12.00 there was no sign of her so I rang her office where the clerk said she was out on her calls but she didn't know her mobile number and had no way of contacting her.
So when she turned up at 12.15pm (without a phone call to say she was running late and was it still ok) I explained that we were eating lunch (we'd not long started as had been waiting for her) then ds2 was going to bed as he was tired.

She was a little stroppy and said that she could not come out again but she had to do his developmental check and I would have to go to clinic to see her after baby clinic which I have agreed to.

AIBU to have turned her away yesterday? I think if she'd have rung to say she was running so late I could have given ds2 his lunch a little earlier and kept him up but as we had no idea if she was coming or not, I carried on as usual.

Sproggle is right - this is intended as well meaning advice - you do seriously need to look at your inflexibility - it is in your child's best interests to be flexible. Having such an regimented and inflexible routine has overtones of obsessive-compulsive behaviour, or control issues, and if that is something which is an issue for you it is nothing to be ashamed of. You need to be open to discussing this with your healthcare providers - just be honest with yourself, and less defensive, and everyone will be healthier and happier for it.

aahhhh posie you should have a better routine in place, that way the afternoon is free for MNing as much as you like

It would have been nice if the HV could have let you know she was going to be late, but that might not have been possible
I think it was rude not to have let her in though.From what I remember with my 4 , the HV could have asked you the questions and ticked the boxes.My HVs seemed more interested in what my concerns (if any) were rather than checking the DC.

But as I said before surely this worked out for the best, as the HV could carry on to her next appointment on time and not have the knock on affect of lateness for the rest of her day. Allowing her to see someone who really needed/wanted a home visit.

I will keep repeating this point until you all agree with me!

i can answer on a thread if/when i feel i want to sproggle. i didnt engage with you until you picked out something i said. you now dont like it when the tables are turned and to be entirely honest i couldnt care less if you do find the conversation/discussion tedious. maybe you should post elsewhere if you are so very bored

ScreaminEagle Thank God you said that, I was sat here trying to word my response, and you said everything I wanted to.

I was a bit like this with my PFB. It's very easy to become a bit blinkered and unreasonable about routines, especially if you only have one young kid.

I think the op will probably look back on this one day and cringe

screamingeagle exactly!! people shouldnt have to defend their parentimg choices against accusations of OCD/mental health issues just because their style differs!

people can be so patronising about these issues. honestly! is it not better to be supportive of other peoples choices rather than critisising each thing you dont agree with?? THAT critisism and refusal to look at other people's POV shows an inflexible mindset which IMO is worse than sticking closely to a daily routine that can be(and usually IS) adapted for the individual.

I was going to say YANBU before I read the whole OP.

I have a real 'thing' about childcare/social care/medical profs turning up late. I had a period in my life which was totally and utterly taken up by home visits and appts.

DD had luekemia and we were in the middle of fostering/adopting DS who also had medical and special needs.

Our lives were entirely governed by visits from nurses, social workers, OTs, physios, HVs, doctors and several others.

Sometimes we had 4 vists in one day plus other outside stuff.

Just one being late could throw everything into disarray and cause a lot of stress. Needless to say most of them were late most of the time. Interestingly it wasnt the nurses with incredible workloads though. They always managed to get to us on time or phone us first.

BUT OP - she was only 15 mins late! Not a lot and surely better to get the check over and done with than make a point?

I am now a person who does home visits. I am fanatical about punctuality and keeping parents informed. So much so that I stopped doing joint visits with certain others who had seemed to think the parents' time is of very little importance.

So if she had been half and hour or more late Y would NBU. But think you are cutting your nose off a bit for the sake of 15 mins.

YABU. And horribly precious.

chegirl the HV was 45 mins late not 15 mins. she turned up at 1215 after stating a 1130 appointment.

She was 45 minutes late, not 15, which would be irritating.

So I think yanbu only if your Dc would have fallen apart due to knackeredness. TBH it was a bit daft, OP, to arrange the visit for that time given your rigid routine and the extreme likelihood of the HV being a touch late.

chegirls The HV was 45mins late.

Apt was at 11.30am

OP rang office at 12.00pm

HV turned up at 12.15pm

Where is the 15 minutes coming from she was 45 minutes late!

Panda the op did post under AIBU and yes she is as she was rude and inflexible. MOst of us have some sort of rountine some are more ridgid than others but things happen in life that can throw the routine, you cannot stick to the routine 24/7 or you would end up staying at home

Oh dear, god help you op once your children are older!!

I can just imagine parents evening and all the other appointments where it's inevitable it's not going to run to schedule!! Does ANYTHING run on time where children are concerned???

Yabu......and you were downright rude!!

ooops x posts with everyone else.

mazzy i think according to the op anyway that she did try to have a different time.

And op has disappeared??

the HV was suppost to come at 11.30 but turned up at 12.15 so yes 45 mins late but never the less

To everyone mentioning PFB syndrome this is at least the OP's second DC.

Oooh good observation Sproggle.

does she wedding daze? where? not in her op. she simply should have arranged another time or date - these checks are hardly an exact science.

she should have just let her in unless the LO was falling asleep at the table. they could have done half of the check just by observing them eat their lunch.

it is annoying when stuff like this runs late but I generally choose to believe it is because they are giving time to people who need their help. and one day that might be me.

mazzy i suppose it's how you read her first post.

I read it as HV said 11.30 she said we do lunch at 12.00 then sleep would it be better if i come to you at some point etc.