to turn the hv away at the door yesterday?

[IwishIwasmoreorganised]

When she booked the appt for ds2's 18 month check for 11.30am I said yes, but did explain that ds2 had lunch about 12.00 and had his nap afterwards. She said that was fine. I also offered to go to clinic as that was what I had to do for ds1, but she said it was normal for them to visit us at home.

By 12.00 there was no sign of her so I rang her office where the clerk said she was out on her calls but she didn't know her mobile number and had no way of contacting her.
So when she turned up at 12.15pm (without a phone call to say she was running late and was it still ok) I explained that we were eating lunch (we'd not long started as had been waiting for her) then ds2 was going to bed as he was tired.

She was a little stroppy and said that she could not come out again but she had to do his developmental check and I would have to go to clinic to see her after baby clinic which I have agreed to.

AIBU to have turned her away yesterday? I think if she'd have rung to say she was running so late I could have given ds2 his lunch a little earlier and kept him up but as we had no idea if she was coming or not, I carried on as usual.

YABU and rude

read my post properly sproggle in no way did i mention parenting SKILLS i said style which is not the same thing my parenting STYLE is to have a routine to follow. my parenting SKILLS are what i tend to do and say with or to my DD and are IMO not up for questioning by you or anybody else

I don't understand why I would need to calm down sproggle

You asked where the OP was, and then continued to mock her lifestyle choices. It doesn't matter if this was done in good humour or not, I was just pointing out why she may chose not to come back onto the thread.

FWIW If I was the OP I wouldn't be put off re-posting, but I can appreciate why some would. Can't you?

Oh do give it a rest now panda. You have to put your DD to bed at 1.30 on the dot, it makes you inflexible. You may have good reasons for doing it, but it still makes you inflexible.

But honestly, are you usually so touchy about this kind of thing?

What makes people so insistent that other people have to work around them? Seriously if you cannot move a bedtime by 15 minutes then please don't have any more children.

Porc - the OP did try to contact the HV to find out what was going on, but was advised that she could not be contacted by anyone. So cancelling was not an option!

I think it bull that noone could contact the HV.

To be honest the whole bedtime thing is neither her nor there for me. None of mine have ever had fixed nap times. However, I still believe the OP did nothing wrong by refusing to let her in.

I am pretty strict with routines BUT i have to say it sounds overboard to not let her in just because he was eating, I would have let her in and asked her to sit in the dining room to chat. I imagine she was held up by a possibly struggling mother and had probably had a rough appointment before yours so YABU to have been so rude.

Well if you think it's all bull posie then you may as well leave the thread.

You probably know this but YABU it was not that late at all! Are you that ridgid in your routine that you cant allow any change because life is full of changes, so more often than not routine goes out the window. What happens if you go out, you have to be home by by 12.30 for your ds nap It reminds me of a friend who had to go home from a BBQ as it was 'feeding time' for their dcs, could they not have been fed at the BBQ

Message withdrawn

J...I beg your pardon?

Either the OP is talking nonsense and didn't ask or the team could have contacted the HV.

What is your objection?

oh dilemma hows your dad btw have you sorted him out hope i got the right person

It was very rude turning the HV away sorry but it was, she was not that late, and as dilema has pointed out she might have been dealing with someone in a crisis they dont just see you but many many people who all need their help, the NHS is overstretched as it is. If the HV was say 1 hour late and you had to go somewhere than yes i would say sorry i have to be somewhere can i arrange to come in on such and such a time.

YABU and really quite inflexible and petty. HV's can end up running late because they've been held up on another visit.

Poor HV.

sproggle are you always so deliberately antagonistic towards people you speak to??

i will not give it a rest as i am answering you when you speak directly to me/about something i have posted. if i started picking apart things you have said then i would expect the same respose from you.

your posting style doesnt reflect the 'hardly serious' thread you are obviously reading

stating that you clearly think the OP is a 'control freak' is unreasonable of you and uncalled for, so clearly a 'light bit of joshing' is hardly your intent?

Oh do stop now Panda, I'm not going to engage with you any more because this is getting beyond tedious.

Sproggle is right and was not at all rude. If you insist on an inflexible routine, you are inflexible.
That isn't a judgement, its just correct usage of a word.

And of course the HV was contactable. Just not to people ringing up to complain that they weren't on time.

Yes, I am afraid I think you were ALU - she was only 15 minutes late - that is really nothing at all. HVs have plenty of children to see and do run short of time - what on earth would happen if all her other clients were quite as specifically demanding? The whole system would fall apart.

Lets face facts here is the OP turned the HV away for running 45 mins late in reality this is a good thing.

It means the HV can get to her next appointment on time and hopefully help someone who needed/wanted a home visit.

What is the problem with this?

Posie - you said you thought it was bull, that read as if you thought the OP was lying - if that was the case then why continue with the thread (when I think someone is lying this is generally what I do). However, if this is not the case I apologise. If it was the office not wanting to call her as you suggest, then all of this is their stupid fault and not the OP's surely.

It varies from area to area (depending on how stretched their services are), but HVs 'have/should' to do certain visits at home. They should be able to justify to their line managers why they are not doing certain pre-determined checks at home if that's the policy for their particular area.

Of course in some areas they're so overstretched that they just about manage to visit you shortly after the baby is born. The rest of their time is used for child protection work and dealing with issues arising from the weekly clinic.

So although she could see you at the clinic it was probably not her preferred option as the clinic is probably quite busy and stressful and you might end up waiting even longer anyway. Wouldn't that disrupt your routine too?

Also in your case it might be absolutely fine to do the check at the clinic but it might make a significant difference for a different child/family.

I think the HV service is so overstretched it's now inadequate, but HVs still have a responsibility to do their jobs and make the most of the resources they have.
This includes having a mobile phone and being contactable by their office. I find this more worrying that running late. What would she do if she had to contact police/SS in a emergency?

Also please remember that part of their job is to make you aware of health needs. But no one likes a nosy jobsworth which can make their job very difficult. You're damned if you do and damned if you don't.

If we want those children who are most at risk to be protected then we should be able to accept some perceived intrusion in our lives. Although I accept that currently the service is so overstretched in certain areas that it has a minimal impact in protecting children.

OP, YABU. She could have easily chatted with you whilst DS finished his lunch. If you were we
worried about him being to tired remember that he might be too shy at the clinic. But it sounds more like you were annoyed that your routine would be disrupted because she was late. It probably wouldn't.

J....walk away from a thread when it's helping me avoid housework, how very dare you!!

Oh yes 45 mins late but still dont need to be rude if your not busy than see the HV if you needed to be somewhere or go somewhere tell the HV nicely that you do have plans so would it be poss for you to come in on a certain time.