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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to turn the hv away at the door yesterday?

257 replies

IwishIwasmoreorganised · 16/02/2010 13:25

When she booked the appt for ds2's 18 month check for 11.30am I said yes, but did explain that ds2 had lunch about 12.00 and had his nap afterwards. She said that was fine. I also offered to go to clinic as that was what I had to do for ds1, but she said it was normal for them to visit us at home.

By 12.00 there was no sign of her so I rang her office where the clerk said she was out on her calls but she didn't know her mobile number and had no way of contacting her.
So when she turned up at 12.15pm (without a phone call to say she was running late and was it still ok) I explained that we were eating lunch (we'd not long started as had been waiting for her) then ds2 was going to bed as he was tired.

She was a little stroppy and said that she could not come out again but she had to do his developmental check and I would have to go to clinic to see her after baby clinic which I have agreed to.

AIBU to have turned her away yesterday? I think if she'd have rung to say she was running so late I could have given ds2 his lunch a little earlier and kept him up but as we had no idea if she was coming or not, I carried on as usual.

OP posts:
posieparker · 16/02/2010 14:47

And your ds was awake eating lunch, people like you really piss me off.

Sproggle · 16/02/2010 14:48

"does that make me inflexible just because i put my DD to nap at 130pm, no earlier/later? i think not TBH"

Yes, yes it does.

Pikelit · 16/02/2010 14:51

I'm sorry about the personal hassle you seem to be suffering, leavingonajetplane, but it isn't comparable to the OP's complaint. A home visit had been mutually arranged and the HV was guilty of the heinous crime of running a tad late and clearly needed to suffer comeuppances.

hocuspontas · 16/02/2010 14:51

If you take ds to the clinic (as you will now have to) and you are 45 mins late being seen are you going to walk out?

45 mins is nothing where the NHS are concerned - the nature of the organisation means they can't just look at the clock and boot out the current patient because it's time for the next one's appointment.

I'm not a routine person so can't really understand your annoyance. An HV would understand if the child was grumpy or hungry and didn't 'perform'. So YABU!

CrapSuzette · 16/02/2010 14:53

YABU - and ungrateful, too.
Home appointments with HVs in my area (north London) are as rare as rocking horse sh*t.
I chased and chased my HV for my DTs 18-month check up. I never received an appointment. In fact, my DTs have not been invited for a check up since they were five months old, in spite of my regular phone calls to the HV team.
In the end, I gave up. My DTs appeared to be doing just fine, so I stopped wasting my time - even though I'd have been grateful of my HV's support and reassurance.
Turning your HV away for being 45 minutes late? You don't know how lucky you are. My DTs are three now. And I'm still waiting...

leavingonajetplane · 16/02/2010 14:56

Also YANBU as the check would seem pointless when done on a tired/frazzled child. If you have any concerns about your childs progress, they cant be assessed under those circumstances (as its difficult to establish the childs usual baseline).

If there are no concerns, it may seem like there are with a tired or stressed toddler. Leading to follow-up, worry for you and virtually doing the entire check again anyway when the child isnt overtired.

Vallhala · 16/02/2010 14:57

Done as you requested Freaky

WeddingDaze · 16/02/2010 14:58

crapsuzette - That is a really rubbish arguement, just because you want a home visit the op should be grateful she got one? OP didn't want a home visit in the first place so IMO the HV was BU in the first place by insisting.

Pikelit · 16/02/2010 14:59

How is this 18-month old child so tired and frazzled as to be inadequately assessed? He'd only just started eating his lunch!

jaquelinehyde · 16/02/2010 15:01

Lets be clear here the OP wanted to go to the clinic anyway. She did not request a home visit but was told that she had to have one!

For the record if I went to an appointment at the clinic or Drs and was kept waiting 45 mins I probably would (and have before)re-book and walk out. The only time I wouldn't would be if it was a seriosu appointment.

WeddingDaze · 16/02/2010 15:03

'then ds2 was going to bed as he was tired.'

He'd have to finish lunch, then perform for the HV when he should be in bed.

Why the HV didn't just say yes to OP going to the baby clinic i've no idea.

leavingonajetplane · 16/02/2010 15:06

Dont think the core issue is that massively different though Pikelit. OP offered to bring her child to the clinic, which obviously wouldve worked well for her.

And we also get people arranging times, and coming much later. I appreciate traffic/previous appointments running over etc. But it would be far far easier to see them in their clinic. And it would help a great deal if they listened to that and did not make the well-intentioned, but utterly misguided assumption, that we would prefer a home visit, despite all our protests to the contrary.

Clinic visits, where possible and appropriate, would be a more efficient use of the HVS time IMO, especially given the amount of home visits that are unavoidable for people who really need them.

CrapSuzette · 16/02/2010 15:07

WeddingDaze - I did not request a home appointment. I just requested an appointment - and one at the clinic would have been just fine. As it was, I wasn't offered an appointment at all!
Given that many women - myself included - have had practically zero contact with their HV,I feel very strongly that those women who do have the opportunity to see one should take it, unless there's a serious reason to cancel. And, in my opinion, a delayed naptime just doesn't cut it.

leavingonajetplane · 16/02/2010 15:09

And as the 18month check can take up to an hour I would think the child would be fairly frazzled by the time its done if he's so used to sleeping after lunch

onadietcokebreak · 16/02/2010 15:11

YABVU to expect the health visitor to have been bang on time. Working in the community means your timekeeping is rarely punctual due to unexpected things.

I think you could have invited her in and seen how the assessment went. If your DC was too tired and needed bed you could have said "looks like x needs a sleep before shes gets overtired. Shall I pop into the clinic to finish it off?"

I think you should loosen up on the routine front. We have a routine but its flexible. Its a good lesson for children to learn.

catwalker · 16/02/2010 15:11

How funny, petty and rude. Why should the HV ring to say she was going to be late? Goes with the territory doesn't it? Did you seriously expect her to arrive at 11.30 on the dot and did you seriously need to be TOLD that she was running late?

My HV was hugely kind and helpful to me when my third child was born. I hope you don't find yourself in the position of needing your HV to be hugely kind and helpful to you....

runnybottom · 16/02/2010 15:12

YABVU, and wasting their time. You shouldn't have accepted an appt for 11.30 if you're so rigid about your schedule.

You do realise that this is a free service designed to help your child, not a manicure or something?

leavingonajetplane · 16/02/2010 15:16

Its a shame that you have wanted, and not received a HV appointment CrapSuzette.

I think that if some parents dont want to follow the HV system and opt of the HV option, as some have described doing on this thread, and others are able to take up a clinic appointment instead of a homevisit, it would free more resources, so that more people would be seen, particularly those who are actively seeking it like yourself.

Perhaps your GP could refer you, if a self-referral isnt working. (I know neither are supposedly neccesary)

WeddingDaze · 16/02/2010 15:16

free service? yeah right..

She tried not to accept it.

Cat - Just because you had a positive experience and a wonderful HV it doesn't mean they all are.

FreakyStalker · 16/02/2010 15:17

CrapSuzette I'm NLondon too and my HV said they don't offer 18 month checks anymore unless the parents write a letter of request. The are too overstretched.

As far as I remember at DS's it was a 'tick boxes' affair, and we got a book and toothbrush from Bookstart. Waste of time for all really.

leavingonajetplane · 16/02/2010 15:23

Which book? Any good?

Veritythebrave · 16/02/2010 15:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CrapSuzette · 16/02/2010 15:26

Thanks Leaving and Freaky - tbh, they're doing just fine at the moment (they were three last Thursday), so the moment has been and gone... and no, I didn't realise I needed to write (it was never mentioned to me during one of my many calls to HV HQ!).

Veritythebrave · 16/02/2010 15:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PandaEis · 16/02/2010 15:29

sproggle how very condescending of you to say so. just because i have a different parenting style than you, does that mean it gives you free reign to critisise how i prefer to live from day to day?? erm...no it doesnt so maybe read my post properly before picking out a choice comment to make remarks against. i explained the reason WHY i NEED routine. the OP has stated her reasons for her actions and i agree that she, if she prefers to live by routine, should be given a little consideration from the HV.

if she were to, for example, agree to an appointment at the clinic and then SHE turned up 45 mins late, would it therefore be unreasonable for the HV/clinic to turn her away? no it wouldnt and you would be hard pressed to find a rational person to say they MUST be seen whatever circumstances they presnt themselves under