Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to turn the hv away at the door yesterday?

257 replies

IwishIwasmoreorganised · 16/02/2010 13:25

When she booked the appt for ds2's 18 month check for 11.30am I said yes, but did explain that ds2 had lunch about 12.00 and had his nap afterwards. She said that was fine. I also offered to go to clinic as that was what I had to do for ds1, but she said it was normal for them to visit us at home.

By 12.00 there was no sign of her so I rang her office where the clerk said she was out on her calls but she didn't know her mobile number and had no way of contacting her.
So when she turned up at 12.15pm (without a phone call to say she was running late and was it still ok) I explained that we were eating lunch (we'd not long started as had been waiting for her) then ds2 was going to bed as he was tired.

She was a little stroppy and said that she could not come out again but she had to do his developmental check and I would have to go to clinic to see her after baby clinic which I have agreed to.

AIBU to have turned her away yesterday? I think if she'd have rung to say she was running so late I could have given ds2 his lunch a little earlier and kept him up but as we had no idea if she was coming or not, I carried on as usual.

OP posts:
runnybottom · 16/02/2010 15:41

Yes, free, Daze, do you pay your HV for assessments?

WeddingDaze · 16/02/2010 15:45

No i pay NI instead.

If i did have the option it's one i'd opt out of, many HVs do more harm than good IME.

runnybottom · 16/02/2010 15:47

Trust me, you've taken way more out of the pot than you've put in, its most definately free!

Opt out then. One less person to waste their valuable time.

WeddingDaze · 16/02/2010 15:48

You have no idea whether i have taken out more than i've put it, what a ridiculous statement.

dixiechick1975 · 16/02/2010 15:50

OP do you have any concerns re your child? There is a whiff of you were concerned he wouldn't perform if tired about your post.

posieparker · 16/02/2010 15:50

There's routine and there's routine and whilst I hate the PFB being banded about, it's only people with PFBs that are so ridiculous about a few minutes. Her child was awake.

Perhaps the HV insisted on going to the OP's house to see how the child lives, I think the HV sounds liek a committed professional and likes to be thorough.

runnybottom · 16/02/2010 15:50

It really isn't. I could of course be wrong, but its highly unlikely. Unless you have a massive huge in the millions salary and have never used the NHS, I'm fairly confident in my comment.
People have no idea how much the services they take for granted actually cost.

Sproggle · 16/02/2010 15:52

PandaEis don't be ridiculous. Of course it makes you inflexible if you put your DD to bed at 1.30 and not a minute earlier or a minute later!

It doesn't make you a bad parent, that's not what I said, is it? You seem a little touchy on this subject, btw, is there a reason for that?

WeddingDaze · 16/02/2010 15:52

Enjoy being wrong then

Also if you have never used the NHS you don't need to have a huge in the millions salary to have paid for the non services you have used.

posieparker · 16/02/2010 15:52

My parents have to pay for GPs and so on as they don't live here(although as they only left in their fifties and worked from their teens I am pretty sure they ahev contributed more than most of us) and just a GP visit costs at least £35.

jaquelinehyde · 16/02/2010 15:53

Posie I have 3 already and will happily turn away any HV who is 45mins late, if I feel it will disrupt my day when I have the 4th. So definately not PFB syndrome here.

posieparker · 16/02/2010 15:54

Oh and another thing OP whilst you were wasting the HV's time with her travelling to your house fgor no reason, she could have been doing something far more important. And if you were adamant that she was late/rude/whatever you should have called to cancel.

jaquelinehyde · 16/02/2010 15:55

Having said that I opt out of these things as soon as I can. If I have any concerns I make a Drs appointment.

Marne · 16/02/2010 15:55

I would have been a little p*ssed off that she was late, my HV would have phoned ahead to say she would be late. I would have gone through with the check though, as others have said 'one day of having a late nap would not do any harm'.

WeddingDaze · 16/02/2010 15:55

posie OP said

By 12.00 there was no sign of her so I rang her office where the clerk said she was out on her calls but she didn't know her mobile number and had no way of contacting her.

So she couldn't cancel.

Sproggle · 16/02/2010 16:00

Where is the OP anyway? (whenever someone says that the OP normally miraculously turns up again)

ScreaminEagle · 16/02/2010 16:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

WeddingDaze · 16/02/2010 16:03

Sproggle not everyone sits glued to the screeen waiting for replies, unfortunately

Sometimes a whole day is wasted waiting for an update!

Sproggle · 16/02/2010 16:06

Oh I know WD, I'm not new around these parts.

Anyway, it's 16:05 precisely, I expect the OP has something else scheduled in.

jaquelinehyde · 16/02/2010 16:12

Aaaahhh mocking sarcasm, yes that's going to help. Why the hell should the OP want to come back with posts like that.

Sproggle · 16/02/2010 16:15

Oh calm down jaqueline, sheesh, it's hardly a serious thread where the OP is clearly begging for support is it?

She asked if she was being a control freak unreasonable, a light bit of joshing is hardly the end of the world is it?

Since when did mumsnet become so up it's own arse?

PandaEis · 16/02/2010 16:18

sproggle no, im not touchy on the subject, i dislike my parenting style being critisised by a person who, not only has no idea who i am or what my personal circumstances are, but chooses to do so in a patronising and condescending tone

i stuck to a routine when my DD was of the age of the OPs because that is how i felt more comfortable and i, and the OP should have no need to apologise for that.

the HV was not acting professionally (no mobile/not contactable, what if the HV herself had visited somebody who was in the midst of PND/psychosis?? how would she contact other service providers for help??) the OP was not comfortable changing her routine and had made this clear to the HV and offered to go to the clinic. HCP are trained to work around the INDIVIDUAL wherever possible and by forcing the OP to comply with the HV's conditions she then effectively went against what is instilled in her training as a HCP. if more people made a point of not accepting being put into a 'box' by the HCP/NHS service then the service may be better able to adapt to circumstances and the individual themselves.

TheDevilWearsPrimark · 16/02/2010 16:20

The HV's always have mobiles, and are always in touch/ contactable with their team. For obvious reasons they do not give out their mobile numbers on request.

Sproggle · 16/02/2010 16:20

For the last time PandaEis I didnt even mention your parenting skills! I told you that having to put your DD to bed at exactly 1.30 is being inflexible, because you asked!

It has nothing to do with parenting skills. If you insisted on having a cup of tea every day at 1.30 not a minute earlier or a minute later that would also make you inflexible.

Why are you seeing that as an attack on your parenting skills? Most odd.

porcamiseria · 16/02/2010 16:22

you are being very unreasonable I am afraid! and rude! she is just trying to do her job,and I dont think the NHS are hugely up to speed with mobile numbers and logistics etc. To turn a health professional from your door for the reasons you outline are shocking TBH. Anyway, if you are so keen on manners why did you not call to cancel yourself rather than turn her from your door?

so yes, YABVVVVVU !!

Swipe left for the next trending thread