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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

or is £180 for a hen "do" just outrageous?

135 replies

GetDownYouWillFall · 10/02/2010 15:06

I have posted before about the dreaded hen "do"s but have just had the finalised arrangements through from chief bridesmaid (who happens to be a v. highly paid Dr. Me on the hand a v. lowly paid local gov. worker)

She has decided on an afternoon of quad biking yes quad biking and clay pigeon shooting yes clay pigeon shooting followed by exclusive evening meal out with private function room, own waiter etc.

Then on the sunday a day at a spa then a quick skip across half the country to centre parcs. Because hey wouldn't that be fun.

It is my SIL's hen so don't know how to get out of it. I really don't want to go and I certainly don't want to fork out £180.

What do you think?

OP posts:
Joolyjoolyjoo · 10/02/2010 15:11

Ouch! can you possibly just attend a bit of it- eg the meal at night, with the excuse that you can't leave the kids for a whole weekend because.... (insert appropriate excuse?) Or even just be honest and say that you can't afford to go to the whole thing, any chance you can just join in with the meal/ other bit you fancy!? That's what I'd do. I think if people are going to have hen night's that cost this much they will have to be ready to accept that some people won't be able to (or actually WANT to!) spend that amount of money!

ImSoNotTelling · 10/02/2010 15:11

It sounds good fun apart from the centre parcs bit - what on earth?

When is it?

thrifty · 10/02/2010 15:14

sounds like too much activity to me, does everyone else want to go quad biking and clay pigeon shooting? it doesn't seem like a lot of money for what you are getting to do, its more a case of do you really want to do all that stuff? does the price include accommodation?

poshtottie · 10/02/2010 15:15

YANBU. Just be honest and say you can't afford it. May be then she might offer to pay for you, as you are family.

Original poster
GetDownYouWillFall · 10/02/2010 15:15

it's mid-march. I already said I would be there for the whole thing (she has costed it based on numbers who've said their coming) - so feel bad pulling out now. But admittedly I didn't know the extent of what was being planned when I said I'd be there.

Perhaps I should just go for the meal, but am worried my SIL will think I'm being really "off". The thing is I could afford it, but it's more a case of begrudging spending that money on something I really wouldn't enjoy.

OP posts:
thrifty · 10/02/2010 15:16

god,that sounded bad...sorry... yes its a lot of cash, but if you wanted to do everything and stay overnight it would seem like quite a good deal.... iyswim

tbh i think of hen do's a girly, i.e. spa, meal, piss-up, don't think i'd fancy quad biking and clay pigeon shooting for a hen do

ImSoNotTelling · 10/02/2010 15:18

Ah but you might enjoy it once you're there!

Yes it is a lot of dosh, but if you can afford it, well why not.

If you really don't want to just do what joolyjoo said and opt out of a large chunk of it.

Original poster
GetDownYouWillFall · 10/02/2010 15:18

me neither thrifty! The thing is she is a v. outdoor "sporty" type. I, on the other hand, am not.

OP posts:
ImSoNotTelling · 10/02/2010 15:19

I was assuming the £180 included accomodation?

thrifty · 10/02/2010 15:19

thing is though, it wont just be £180 will it? there'll be food, petrol, drinks etc etc, so you'll probably blow another £100 on just being there, oh and you'll need a new outfit (poss shoes) the list goes on.... oh and warm clothes for outdoor activities mid-march!

Original poster
GetDownYouWillFall · 10/02/2010 15:19

no, the accommodation is "crashing" on someone's floor, so not included in the £180

OP posts:
YouKnowNothingoftheCrunch · 10/02/2010 15:19

I had exactly the same thing. SIL is a doctor (as were 90% of the attendees), me working as a TA. I discussed it long and hard with DH and we decided that it was a good opportunity to get to know my DBro's new wife. So I went (which meant our holiday became a week of camping in the rain).

I am glad I did, and I know they have no clue of the sacrifices I had to make.

oranges · 10/02/2010 15:20

I think you may as well go and enjoy, if you can afford it. I was really reluctant to go away for my sil's bash but it was great in the end and really did help with bonding.

Original poster
GetDownYouWillFall · 10/02/2010 15:20

exactly thrifty! I see £££££££ in a BIG way

OP posts:
ImSoNotTelling · 10/02/2010 15:21

Oh well it does sound steep then.

i don't get the going to centerparcs halfway across the country for one evening? What is that all about?

Hulababy · 10/02/2010 15:21

I wouldn't be happy with foring out £180 for a couple of days activities unless I was something I really id actually want to go to, and with people I really wanted to go to.

I would be upfront and just say no, esp if you can't afford it.

TBH these recent hen and stag dos costing hundreds is just getting silly IMO. What is wrong with a night out lcoally, aybe a meal, a few drinks, a good laugh with your mates, and be done with it.

thrifty · 10/02/2010 15:21

ah, so you wont even get a decent nights sleep? sod that. for £180 you could quite easily stay in a nice hotel with dinner bed and breafast, have a treatment in the spa, and maybe have enough left over for drinks.

Original poster
GetDownYouWillFall · 10/02/2010 15:22

oh gosh. you really think I should go? Has anyone actually done
quad biking?
clay pigeon shooting?

Does it hurt [whus emoticon]

OP posts:
diddl · 10/02/2010 15:24

Do you think you would enjoy it?

TBH it sounds too much to me.

One activity or the other and no Center Parcs.

I´d be happy with a meal out!

oranges · 10/02/2010 15:25

well, look at it this way - its a perfect way to try it out! Yes you could do dinner spa in a nice hotel, but its not a bad thing to try something different sometimes.

But maybe I'm just resigned to these extravagant hen does. My record is having spent 300 pounds towards costs of a hen weekend (that included spa, limo hire and meal at very upmarket place) and only actually manged to go to get one drink at the end of the dinner as I had messed up my rota and had to work. I was a bridesmaid there so felt I couldn't drop out.

pigletmania · 10/02/2010 15:26

YANBU at all, when my friend got married, the chief bridesmaid e mailed us for suggestions of where to go and if we were on a budjet, she was very considerate as i dont work, I am a STAHM so cant afford a big bash. Why dont you just go to some of it, say the meal and the spa and explain to the bridesmaid that you just cannot afford to go on all of it tbh.

ImSoNotTelling · 10/02/2010 15:29

I think clay pigeon shooting sounds like fun

SummerLightning · 10/02/2010 15:29

To be honest, it sounds like she's put a massive effort in organising it and the price is reasonable for what she's organised. So go easy on her.

Basically you've got two options: politely ask if there's any bits you can opt out of as it's a bit too much cash for you/make up a reason you can't do quad biking/clay pigeon shooting (sore shoulder etc!)
Or secondly take it on the chin and just go, and try and enjoy it.

Most of the hen dos I've been on have involved something like this (though not been so action packed, usually just one activity) so I guess it just depends on what the bride is like.

Original poster
GetDownYouWillFall · 10/02/2010 15:30

yeah I guess I'm just worried my SIL will think I'm being really pathetic for dropping out, we've not always had a great relationship but it has got better over recent years. I don't want to undo all my hard work!

OP posts:
GetOrfMoiLand · 10/02/2010 15:30

It does sound a bit full on.

But the clay pigeon shooting and quad biking does sound like a laugh.

I would not want to go to Center Parcs after all that though. I would want to have a cup of tea, bath and an early night.

BUt am boring bastard.