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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

or is £180 for a hen "do" just outrageous?

135 replies

GetDownYouWillFall · 10/02/2010 15:06

I have posted before about the dreaded hen "do"s but have just had the finalised arrangements through from chief bridesmaid (who happens to be a v. highly paid Dr. Me on the hand a v. lowly paid local gov. worker)

She has decided on an afternoon of quad biking yes quad biking and clay pigeon shooting yes clay pigeon shooting followed by exclusive evening meal out with private function room, own waiter etc.

Then on the sunday a day at a spa then a quick skip across half the country to centre parcs. Because hey wouldn't that be fun.

It is my SIL's hen so don't know how to get out of it. I really don't want to go and I certainly don't want to fork out £180.

What do you think?

OP posts:

pigletmania · 10/02/2010 15:32

I dont think so, your SIL has to understand that these are hard times and not everyone wil be able to afford to go to all of it. At least you have made the effort and been there for some.

thrifty · 10/02/2010 15:32

well i am quite sporty, but still dont know if i'd fancy doing those activities on a hen do. you will need a massage after those. yes clay pigeon shooting hurts, the gun kicks back into your shoulder if you don't hold it tight enough. quad biking shouldn't hurt ;-) just don't fall off.

it just seems a lot of activities/stuff to cram into one weekend...

SummerLightning · 10/02/2010 15:32

X-posts, I have done both they are both great and don't hurt, though clay pigeon is a bit scary (the recoil is HARD) and you can bruise you shoulder a bit if you don't grip it tight.
God I was crap at it - I didn't hit ANYTHING.

Oh and I organised a hen do with clay pigeon shooting as well - hee hee, now worried they all hated it! (it was cheap though). And one with go-karting too.

Original poster

GetDownYouWillFall · 10/02/2010 15:32

yes the bridesmaid has put in a big effort organising it all. Guess what, she's got a "sore shoulder" herself so is not doing the saturday activities, just lined it up for the rest of us lot.

OP posts:

BendyBob · 10/02/2010 15:34

Clay pigeon shooting? Quad biking?

Blimey.

In my day it was a bottle of cava and a curry.

Original poster

GetDownYouWillFall · 10/02/2010 15:35

oh no, I just know I would be crap and end up falling off the quad bike and getting run over, getting a broken leg to go with my busted shoulder from the morning

OP posts:

thrifty · 10/02/2010 15:36

lol getdown

AuntieMaggie · 10/02/2010 15:36

I'm not at all sporty but loved the hen weekend where we did things like this more than the just go out and get wrecked weekends I've been on.

GetOrfMoiLand · 10/02/2010 15:36

Bendybob every time I see your name I laugh. It's a great name

I couldn't be arsed with all this tbh. My SIL is getting married in May - first of all she was being all OTT and was planning a hen weekend (urgh) in Amsterdam or bloody Bratislava. Thankfully she has calmed down a bit and we have now got an afternoon in a spa, then dinner and piss up trawl round bars of Cheltenham.

mistletoekisses · 10/02/2010 15:36

YANBU - not at all. But TBH, nowadays I would budget for a close friend/ family hen night being a few hundred pounds. By the time drinks/ food/ travel/ accomodation have been paid for, I havent seen one for under £150-£200.

Quad biking and clay pigeon shooting are great fun (although make sure you all have padding on for the clay pigeon shooting otherwise will have lovely bruises from the kick back).

I would give it a go. Think it will set your relationship off on a good footing. You never know, you may love it!

MissAnneElk · 10/02/2010 15:37

I am very unsporty but have been quad biking and clay pigeon shooting and loved both. I'd rather do those than go out for dinner or go to a spa.

I think all of it together is a bit much for a hen do, but if you can afford it go, you'll enjoy parts of it anyway.

SummerLightning · 10/02/2010 15:38

LOL, maybe the sore shoulder would be a bit obvious as well.
Believe me I have organised these things and I know how it goes - you won't be the only one making polite excuses, so just try e-mailing her saying I really don't want to do X and Y, I'd love to watch or something. hopefully she has just costed it up and not paid for it yet.

Original poster

GetDownYouWillFall · 10/02/2010 15:39

wail wail wail

OP posts:

GetOrfMoiLand · 10/02/2010 15:39

Actually thinking about it my SIL's hen night will probably cost aboit £200 all told.

belgo · 10/02/2010 15:40

180 isn't too bad for all of that.

You need to be honest and tell her you are not going to do certain activities so she doesn't book it up.

DorotheaPlenticlew · 10/02/2010 15:40

Also v unsporty, but would also genuinely prefer the outdoor stuff to boring dinner/drinks with bunch of women I don't know very well. Or spa -- I like spas but on my own! [antisocial]

Seriously - nobody will expect you to be good at the activities -- half the fun is in trying something new! If you can afford it I'd say, go.

Ziggurat · 10/02/2010 15:42

Fuck me, some people live in cloud cuckoo land.

It's not about whether you'd enjoy the activities or not - that's totally beside the point.

If I had a spare £180 going begging, I wouldn't be spending it on someone else's hen do!!

This won't even be the total cost, by the time you add in food and drink.

So a dirty great wodge on the hen do, then on the wedding itself, and then on the wedding present. And this is just ONE person - what about all the other weddings you may have to attend this year?

People are so deluded to think that other people want to spend so much money on their day out.

Yes, the BM may have spent a lot of time organising it, but it isn't therefore a given that everyone should just then be expected to cough up, regardless.

SeaTrek · 10/02/2010 15:43

YANBU

I think people can easily get carried away organising these things and be quite inconsiderate of how much other can or want to afford, both in terms of time and money.

After your second post though, I think you are just going to have to take a deep breath and join in all of it. If you do, I hope you have plenty of fun to make up for the cost!

Original poster

GetDownYouWillFall · 10/02/2010 15:45

DorotheaPlenticlew - I know, but all the others are either doctors, vets or high flying types. They will all be supremely confident and hence excellent, whilst I on the other hand will be face down in some ditch somewhere covered in mud and most probably, crying.

OP posts:

oranges · 10/02/2010 15:47

I actually think spas and "pampering" are a bigger rip off than paying for quad biking.

SummerLightning · 10/02/2010 15:51

I think it depends entirely on the previous communications about it really.
Have you just said "Yes I would love to come away for the weekend - count me in" and then this is the next you have heard then you are entirely justified in saying either that you don't fancy some of the activities or that it's too expensive or both.
If, however, she's been keeping you updated on plans/asking for opinions, and you haven't objected all along then I think it's probably only polite to go along with it.

SummerLightning · 10/02/2010 15:52

Sorry about my crap grammar there btw.

Original poster

GetDownYouWillFall · 10/02/2010 15:58

SummerLightning I love your grammar.

It';s a bit of both really. At first I just emailed to say "yes, count me in". Then there were emails asking for ideas / suggestions. One of the suggestions was "apocalypse paintballing" - which filled me with dread but I guess I kind of "blanked it out" for a while and didn't object for fear of looking like the pathetic whus of a wife-of-bride's-brother that I am .
Several other people suggested a spa, so I suppose the bridesmaid thought rather than compromise, that she'd just have it all!

OP posts:

GothDetective · 10/02/2010 16:01

How abouttelling then you have a bad back/neck/shoulder so you can't do the quad biking or shooting but you will go to the spa and dinner?

BigTillyMint · 10/02/2010 16:05

£180 is a huge amount to ask people to pay, and it sounds like she's trying to cram too many activities in.

But quad biking is fantastic fun, and not at all dangerous, usually

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