or is £180 for a hen "do" just outrageous?

[GetDownYouWillFall]

I have posted before about the dreaded hen "do"s but have just had the finalised arrangements through from chief bridesmaid (who happens to be a v. highly paid Dr. Me on the hand a v. lowly paid local gov. worker)

She has decided on an afternoon of quad biking yes quad biking and clay pigeon shooting yes clay pigeon shooting followed by exclusive evening meal out with private function room, own waiter etc.

Then on the sunday a day at a spa then a quick skip across half the country to centre parcs. Because hey wouldn't that be fun.

It is my SIL's hen so don't know how to get out of it. I really don't want to go and I certainly don't want to fork out £180.

What do you think?

GDYWF - Well done, that was handled very gracefully, your e mail was spot on, no one can criticise you for anything now and if they did, they would be utterly unreasonable imo.

nice email - I particularly commend you on not asking for a reduction in price, although you jolly well ought to get one!

I hope you do enjoy it though and at least you have made the effort.

Can I disagree? Terrible email. Extremely passive aggressive. You might as well have written

"Hi. Thanks for organising the hen weekend. There is nothing planned that I want to do, but as it's my SIL's hen I suppose I'll have to suffer it. However, I draw the line at suffering Sunday as well."

Email would have been fine had you not put in the paragraph about not wanting to do the Saturday activities. It came across as pretty petulant tbh.

If she gives you a refund, she's being very nice in the circumstances.

My SIL's hen do was similar. I said no way to the sporty stuffy and to sleeping on someone's floor and just joined them for dinner and drinks.

I refuse to spend my money on things I would hate doing.

But I'm an old grouchy lady anyway.

Your message to her was fine, I would see it as you wrote it, that you are nervous, but gladly willing to give it a go.
I hope you do have a good time. Did you google the quad biking and see what it is all about? Maybe you will like it! If I didn't have a bad neck/shoulder/back/hands , I think I'd like to try a shooting range.
It is good that you are going,nervous or not, later you will be able to have a good laugh and maybe even find a new fun activity you never would have tried otherwise!
And if you get injured, you are with a group of doctors, so will be well taken care of.

I thought you wanted to pay 180 quid for a hen!

Let's blame lack of sleep eh?

It'sStillTooExpensiveEitherWayTiggaxx

that is one expensive hen!

thanks for the positives re. the email - I was trying to keep it "light" - being honest about how I felt but also trying to show I will be a sport.

Sorry you didn't agree ArcticFox, I don't think I put I will not enjoy the saturday activites? Just that I was a bit nervous about them.

I am not expecting a refund. We will just swallow it.

The worst thing tho- just found out my DH is invited to the stag.... THREE days and nights in the lake district.

I hear the faint sound of tills opening....

i DONT DO hen nights
they are SHIT

i just say "i dont do them"

gtamom - I haven't dared google quad biking yet. I am too scared.

Thought your mail was lovely.

One reassuring thing - since they are all doctors, when you fall off the bike/shoot yourself in the foot etc they will at least be able to look after you. And thing of the great story it will make for the wedding...

You're a good sport - have fun!

Good email.

Quad biking? Chav city.

A hug for WorkingItOutAsIGo!

That's true, although have of them are vets so they might give me that horse tranquiliser thingey I forget the name.

Harsh ArcticFox! yes, it's an email where you can definitely "read between the lines". But such is dealing with these tricky hen-night-type situations. Someone is expecting you to part with cash and do stuff you don't want to do with a whole pile of emotional pressure and it's not the done thing to say "aah feck off, I can't be arsed, do you really think I want to go quad biking you loon" and so you have to end up treading your way carefully with an email like that. A classic of its genre in fact and I hope it works out well OP!

thank you! I would hate it to have come across as "passive aggressive".

She wouldn't have seen all the history (i.e. on here) I bloomin well hope not anyway, so hopefully she will take it at face value.

thank you! I would hate it to have come across as "passive aggressive".

She wouldn't have seen all the history (i.e. on here) I bloomin well hope not anyway, so hopefully she will take it at face value.

oh, whoops

The thing is, organising hen nights is really hard work, and often you take your cue from the hen in terms of what she wants to do, so she says quad biking and shooting and you organise it all, even though you're really busy and have no time anyway. Then, when everything's arranged, and people have agreed, you always get someone who doesnt really want to do it and decides just to come to the bits they fancy, thereby missing the point that it's about the bride to be and what she wants to do AND shafting your budget.

I probably was a bit harsh but I have very low (non existant) "girly girl" tolerance so the email would have made me think the OP was a bit wet.

Yes agreed, so the solution is for people to stop having such ridiculously complicated and expensive hen nights and expecting all their friends to cope with the cost/childcare issues and put on a cheery face about it all.

If you really must, a nice lunch or dinner out is all that's needed.

A good lighthearted email.

But I must say, I think it sounds pretty fantastic.

She has chosen good activities. It seems to me that the focus is on getting all the "important women" in the brides life to get to know one another in a team bonding and bootcamp way rather than just boozing and partying. She has cut costs by "crashing on a floor" for accommodation, and spa treatments the next day when you are all more familiar with eachothers.

Quad biking is nothing to be scared of. Many people around my parts chose quad bikes as their mode of transport, so you seem them around everywhere, summer and winter.

ArticFox - I don't think we would get on in RL

does that mean I dont have to invite you to my hen night?

a good email

yes £180 is a lot to spend and tbh bride/you should have quereied/discussed cost+activites at the beginning

when i arranged my hen weekend, i said i wanted to do, and what it would roughly cost-was about £200 - and gave 6mths notice so people could budget and pay in chunks (those who wanted to come)

i have done quad biking, FAB fun tbh and also clay shooting (made your shoulder, it gives a right thud) but avoid paintball as bloody hurts and i was left in bruises that lasted weeks

ArcticFox - depends if you are doing nail painting / fairy cake baking / face pack / pyjama party