or is £180 for a hen "do" just outrageous?

[GetDownYouWillFall]

I have posted before about the dreaded hen "do"s but have just had the finalised arrangements through from chief bridesmaid (who happens to be a v. highly paid Dr. Me on the hand a v. lowly paid local gov. worker)

She has decided on an afternoon of quad biking yes quad biking and clay pigeon shooting yes clay pigeon shooting followed by exclusive evening meal out with private function room, own waiter etc.

Then on the sunday a day at a spa then a quick skip across half the country to centre parcs. Because hey wouldn't that be fun.

It is my SIL's hen so don't know how to get out of it. I really don't want to go and I certainly don't want to fork out £180.

What do you think?

I didn't even get invited to my SIL's hen do last summer - was a day & night in nice hotel with spa and dinner etc.
This despite she is my DH's younger sister and I see her at work every day too.

To be honest I though it was a bit rude of her not to invite me along but at least i didnt have to pay for it!

I personally think that £180 is outrageous. For that sort of money I would expect an entire weekend away for me and dh doing something we really enjoy.

For example we recently went to see a West End Show. £65 for the tickets and £65 for the hotel (though it was mid week)plus a pre theatre meal out.

If I was spending that sort of money it would need to be something special for me or my family, why should I deprive my family of things we may want or need for a "bonding session".

My hen do was at a local hotel murder mystery evening. I forget what it cost for the meal and entertainment, maybe around £30-£40, some chose to make a night of it and stay over in the hotel and go for a swim next morning, some went home.

My best friend hen night was a hen weekend at a festival. It cost 250 plus my train fare there and bus...another 50, plus all the food and booze while we were there...100 probably, and then we were qalso asked to chip in for 'hen' paraphernalia. It was a great weekend BUT really expensive. She then had another hen night a few months later and didnt even invite me as she was worried about offending me after spending so much money, however I was offended that I hadnt been asked.

I thought it was a good email...

DH has 2 unmarried sisters and they would throw a strop if I didn't go to their hen dos. However, I would also expect them to do something simple like an evening out and would have no problem in declining an invite to something that would cost me more than £50 all told. For my hen do, 8 of us went out for a meal and then to the theatre, it came out of the wedding budget so no one had to pay for anything and we all had a giggle. TBH I really don't understand why anyone should have to pay anything towards the cost of someone else's wedding or wedding preparations, especially if they are likely to feel some sort of 'obligation' to take part no matter the cost. Bridesmaid dresses came out of the wedding budget too.

GetDown- YANBU- tell them you can't afford all of it and shame them about overpricing things!

I went on a hen weekend that cost £600 including spending money. My husband went on the stag which wasn't far off the same. I felt sick at the money spent. There were loads of activities out of all proportion to the purpose of the weekend.

Hen nights were originally a drunken night out before settling down. Now you have to have some sort of theme or costume, stay in hotels, often go abroad, leave your kids and family, go to cocktail bars and several restaurnts,do ridiculous activities the bride wouldn't normally have done anyway, have cream teas or spa days... its greedy and its got out of hand.

What happened to going down your local with a net curtain on your head and an L plate on your back?

You will not believe this. This will evidence how mad my SIL and all her friends really are.

Spoke to my SIL yesterday, she told me she has been invited to her best mates hen do a week before her own. Get this, they are doing a hen TRIATHALON. I kid you not, a hen triathalon. All of the hen do are currently in training.

Nutters.

Oh no I like the sound of a triathlon - that really is something a bit different and you could easily get out of it on grounds of incompetence!

Totally agree with all the comments about outrageously pricey hen-dos. Was invited to one that involved a weekend in Barcelona a couple of years ago, but declined beacuase of cost, then wasn't invited to the wedding! Cheeky cow. She might never have intended to have us there on the big day anyway, but IMO that's even worse - why would you expect someone whose friendship you didn't value anyway to fork out ££££ on a hen weekend? Gah!!!

YANBU!

I would say that you don't want to leave your children for the weekend, and that you won't be going.

I think the current trend of stag/hen weekends is getting ridiculous!

a hen triathlon? Bloody hell. Be glad your SIL didn't decide to do that for hers... . That would be a complete non-starter for me.

Have you had a response to your email yet? (I also think Arcticfox was way OTT - the organiser couldn't possibly pick up all that info from that email unless she has seen this thread - the OP said she was game for a laugh on the Sat, not that she didn't want to do anything!)

kitkat1977 - that is bloody cheeky indeed! I have been on a hen do and then not been invited to the wedding and I was pretty offended, I don't get the reasoning behind that (it wasn't a small wedding either). luckily the hen do was only a meal out, so no major expense.