or is £180 for a hen "do" just outrageous?

[GetDownYouWillFall]

I have posted before about the dreaded hen "do"s but have just had the finalised arrangements through from chief bridesmaid (who happens to be a v. highly paid Dr. Me on the hand a v. lowly paid local gov. worker)

She has decided on an afternoon of quad biking yes quad biking and clay pigeon shooting yes clay pigeon shooting followed by exclusive evening meal out with private function room, own waiter etc.

Then on the sunday a day at a spa then a quick skip across half the country to centre parcs. Because hey wouldn't that be fun.

It is my SIL's hen so don't know how to get out of it. I really don't want to go and I certainly don't want to fork out £180.

What do you think?

Seeing as you said you'd go though - and kept quiet while they discussed activities, I think they would have the right to be peed off if you didn't go to anything. If you want to bail out of the whole thing you're going to have to come up with an elaborate excuse.

If you just want to bail out of some activities, I think you can be honest about the cash issue and about not really wanting to do them. The organiser may be temporarily irritated that she has to re-do her costs based on reduced numbers but that's her look out.

Do it now though as the organiser will be wanting to pay deposits and get things sorted, don't faff about or she will have the right to be annoyed.

so is bratvia or ewhatever a real place>??

It sounds like they are getting a lot for £180.

Why don't you just go for the meal, or any part that you want to.

SPB - yes Bratislava is a real place!

I think this is a lot of money but she is getting a lot for the money too. If you decide to back out of the activities, do it quickly because it will affect other people's costs. Leaving it until the last minute would be pretty rude.

I have done quadbiking - great fun but a bit muddy; clay pigeon shooting - great fun but you need to be wearing pads on the shoulders (we did it midsummer, I had a spaghetti strap top on and needed to put a bar towel over my shoulder ); Spa - dead boring imo but hey; Centreparcs - ???. Love the idea of the exclusive meal with private waiter though!

However I do commiserate with the spending money on something you don't want to do - my best mate wanted to go to somewhere super-naff for her hen weekend; I was going to go but had an accident that prevented me in the end (and wasn't a bit sorry about it!).

So, in summary - bite the bullet, decide which bit(s) you want to do and get on and tell them!

My personal fave comment so far is
"I'd rather boil my own head than go clay pigeon shooting"

I don't recommend you use in your response though GDYWF!!

TBH all my excuses are a bit lame, but they could hardly argue with "so sorry, but I've boiled my own head".

yes but Riven, did you get a shoulder injury? I don't like pain.
2 shots of morphine AND an epidural is proof of that (and ONE DC)

This hen and stag business has got silly. There are now several, formerly lovely, European cities that have been ruined by groups of English halfwits celebrants vomiting their way around them while thinking they own the fecking air as well as the bars and gutters.

But returning to the hen do in question which does, at least have a veneer of civilisation attached (although spas have got to be the most boring places) it is the classic example of a weekend which would be fine provided everyone can afford upwards of £200. Or wants to dispose of £200 shootin', drivin' eatin' and travelling halfway across the country to bore yourself witless.

If you've said you'll go, I think you've got to go though. There's nothing worse than a flakey guest who turns tail at the last minute. However, I do commiserate.

Oh gosh, I am going to have to rapidly formulate a plan.

My DH thinks all this is hilarious.

What would be a no-no for me is the 'crashing of a floor' bit, especially after the rough and ready activities.

galletti - true! Perhaps I'd have done this 15 years ago but nowadays I'm far too mature and pregnant for that sort of thing! I say leave it to the young 'uns!

YANBU

People who have v expensive hen do's and expect other people to pay for them are selfish and thoughtless.

End of.

YES! I agree! None of them have children so I suspect are slightly still in "student" mode instead of knackered, grumpy mummy mature and sensible mummy mode.

Doesn't sound like a bad price tbh for all that, unless there are other costs at the time, I guess it doesn't include booze or treatments at Center parcs. And you could probably do with out it when you consider possible new outfits for the entire family for the wedding, gift, drinks, accomodation and travel.

I would say decline, and explain that you know you won't feel left out in anyway as you are family and the wedding is the most important part. Personally I think my SIL would prefer her closest friends around her, reminicing etc and has invited me as a courtesy. So wouldn't feel too bad about it!

PMSL at Bratislava being near Newcastle!

I'd love to do something like that, bar the Centre Parcs bit. It sounds very reasonable. I'd ask her what EXACTLY is included in the price.

the spa - are treatments included, and what, or are you going to have to fork out extra here

clay shooting - how many shots do you get, are there really minimal, and have to pay more to shoot more etc....

evening meal - does it include food, drink and gratuity for the staff or would you have to add extra.

You could find it ends up being A LOT more

YANBU. Price/value irrelevant, £180 would be a third the budget of our annual holiday and we couldn't afford it. I don't think people should be put in position of refusing. Weddings whould be about including all your nearest and dearest, save the quad biking for a day with friends you know are of similar income, ditto everything except maybe a nice meal out.

I love the sound of those activities, but then I've done them before so not bothered by them TBH, I HATE hen dos. Very bah humbug I know, I didn't even want one myself. Having been told I was having one by my sister, we had a lovely meal/drinks with most of the ladies I know...which was very nice. £180 isn't bad for those activities, but that isn't the point is it, if you don't want/can't pay it then come up with an excuse and go to the bits you can.

"eah I guess I'm just worried my SIL will think I'm being really pathetic for dropping out, we've not always had a great relationship but it has got better over recent years. I don't want to undo all my hard work"

I think if you can afford it without any great sacrfices and youa re trying to get on with then you should go. Sounds fun.

Ok girls. Here is my reply. I decided to go with the majority advice and "be a sport" but I have drawn the line at staying over on someone's floor and the unneccesary sunday activities, so here it is:

Hi Ruth!

Many thanks for all your organising, you have been busy!! I will be doing a
bank transfer over to you re the money - quicker and easier that way than a cheque.

I am a bit nervous about the quad biking and the pigeon shooting to be honest as I am
very uncoordinated and therefore highly likely to fall off the bike / land
in a ditch face down / possibly cry and am a bit worried about shooting
someone too, but hey, I'm up for a laugh if you are! I suggest a wide berth
when it is my turn to hold the rifle.

I will be looking forward to the yummy exclusive meal! £35 seems v.
reasonable for 3 courses and for the private room, waiter etc.

Unfortunately due to demanding stroppy toddler commitments on the
sunday I will have to make my tired and slightly bruised way home on the
saturday night, but I wish you well for the excitements of the sunday
activities!

Will be hotwiring you the cash shortly Ruth,
xxxx

I have just lived this hell.

In the end I went up the one day involving the activities that I could afford.

It cost me £170 including drinks meals on the day, the cost of the activities is the tip of the iceberg.