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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For threatening to piss on my dps head and removing a sizeable chunk of hair ?

138 replies

nevereatbrownsnow · 04/02/2010 21:44

Apparently I am as he has communicated by grunt all day

It all came to a head in bed last night. When the hint of snaking his arms around my waist, brushing my boobs and grabbing my thighs in what he obviously thinks is a suggestive manner failed the dry humping started and built to such a vigorous crescendo my ring piece puckered in fear!!

Yes dp I am fully aware It's been a while however you sealed your own fate when you commented on my wobbly bits during a particulary active game of hunt the sausage!!

However, none of the above is the main issue, the straw that broke this old rusty camels back was poking me awake at 3am after I'd finally shook you off ( and built a wall of pillows ) to ask me if I'd bought your nasty old cowbg of a fucking mother a birthday fucking card !!

The hated fucking Bitch who discarded our two kids one by one when she found out they were defective and now wants to concentrate only on her perfect daughters perfect child.

Oh yes,the woman who said our daughter 'didnt have the brains' to ask us 'why dosent nannie like me any more'

So tell me, aibu to respond by responding by ripping out a chunk of chest hair, and threatening to piss on his cunting head ?

( disclaimer, I also threatend to force feed him his testicles but didnt want to put it in the thread title )

OP posts:
Beasknees · 04/02/2010 21:50

you know we all like cock in the titles

EccentricaGallumbits · 04/02/2010 21:50

I'm surprise you only threatened the above and showed remarkable restraint in not ripping his nasty little testicles off with your bare hands.

Original poster
nevereatbrownsnow · 04/02/2010 21:54

Actually I threatend to shove his testicles up his arse and then ram them down his throat.

OP posts:
SolidGoldBrass · 04/02/2010 21:56

Well he sounds pretty unpleasant, so you might want to think about, you know, all the usual steps of working out what you are entitled to WRT maintenance, tax credits, the house, and starting divorce proceedings.

However, assaulting him does rather tip you off the moral high ground.

jendaisy · 04/02/2010 21:56

lmao! yanbu! I nearly pissed myself reading this!

lilysmummy2007 · 04/02/2010 21:58

haha, and YANBU

Original poster
nevereatbrownsnow · 04/02/2010 22:06

Don't get me wrong, he did say he 'loved I shook everywhere when I got going' which I think was s'posed to be a compliment

And the humping started after a vast consumption of alchol ( which I provided) but seriously, the only thing that old hag will be getting off me for her birthday is a place in gods waiting room !!

OP posts:
Original poster
nevereatbrownsnow · 04/02/2010 22:08

Oh no scrap that, hells waiting room would be better, tho even lucifer himself would refuse entery to the old cowbag!

OP posts:
Original poster
nevereatbrownsnow · 04/02/2010 22:40

Oh and now, just to piss me off a bit more he is watching some crappy metallica documentary on sky. ffs!!

OP posts:
MadamDeathstare · 04/02/2010 22:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Limara · 04/02/2010 22:48

ROFL!!!

Original poster
nevereatbrownsnow · 04/02/2010 22:55

He's used to the hair removal, his pubes get plucked for his snoring offences

OP posts:
Limara · 04/02/2010 23:48

Just read your last post! MY DH kept me awake for hours the other night snoring. In the end I woke him up with a long, long, long conversation ha!

Original poster
nevereatbrownsnow · 05/02/2010 08:23

Ah yes snoring, cording to him he never snores, so I recorded him on his phone and set it as a ringtone, was v funny

OP posts:
TheDevilWearsPrimark · 05/02/2010 08:26

hahhaaaahahhahaaahhaahahahaaaaaa

blinks · 05/02/2010 08:40

you could always create a burning effigy of your MIL made from your DH's pubes.

that might drive the point home.

Original poster
nevereatbrownsnow · 05/02/2010 08:40

Thank you TDWP, was hilarious, it went off in the bank apparently, he wasnt happy!! I'd recorded the snoring crescendo !!

OP posts:
Original poster
nevereatbrownsnow · 05/02/2010 08:44

Somebody bought me a mil voodoo doll for xmas atch, it even has a pocket on the head where I can stick a pic of her ugly mug!!

pmsl at the burning pubic effigy

OP posts:
TheDevilWearsPrimark · 05/02/2010 08:44

That's genius I am sooo going to call my mum and get her to do the same to my dad.

He claims he doesn't snore - it's the dog

Original poster
nevereatbrownsnow · 05/02/2010 08:51

It was genius he still bloody snores but my point was made

He used to accuse me of making it up, parently I was bashing him awake cos I was bored and couldnt sleep

We should start a snoring revenge thread !!

OP posts:
msrisotto · 05/02/2010 09:05

Umm, ew?

Snorbs · 05/02/2010 09:17

I knew someone who got done for common assault for pulling a small amount of hair out of someone else's head.

I think you were not just BU but also that you're a violent bully.

TheDevilWearsPrimark · 05/02/2010 09:20

haha I was waiting with baited breath for a comment along those lines.

That or 'imagine if a man had done that to a woman'

It's a larf, innit.

Snorbs · 05/02/2010 09:52

Yeah, violent, abusive relationships. What a giggle

blinks · 05/02/2010 10:09

i got the impression that the OP didn't really rip out his hair or piss on his head, snorbs.